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Denizens, this Cham-Peen-Ship Eee-Dish-Shun™ of the Perfect Football Weekend™ begins with the old adage, “If you have to tell someone how good you actually are…you actually aren’t”.

Exhibit #6…as in the sixth-ranked Baylor Cubbies…and their public-relations firm.

Baylor has hired Kevin Sullivan Communications, but the company’s founder and namesake says his company wasn’t hired to influence opinion.

“We were hired just to be an extra resource on the media relations front to help out (Baylor executive associate athletic director) Nick (Joos),” Kevin Sullivan told Fox Sports Southwest on Monday night. “He’s got a small staff and has a huge amount of activity going on right now.”

The university hired the firm last week.

Sullivan said Baylor had used the firm in the past and he’d had a long relationship with Joos. He also said any insinuation that the firm had been hired to influence the 12-person committee charged with selecting the four participants in the College Football Playoff was “inaccurate.”

“We’re just trying to set up some national interviews for (athletic director) Ian (McCaw),” Sullivan said. “It’s media relations, that’s all.”

So, essentially, the Dumb Fucks Down In Waco™ didn’t hire Sully’s group to influence public opinion, NoSirreeBob™.  No, they’re  just going to help with media relations.

To help them  influence public opinion.

The simple fact is this:  The Playoff Selection Committee has seen the 61-58 travesty that took place in Waco a few weeks back – and the more they’ve thought about it, the more they have realized that there’s no fucking way in Hell™ that Baylor’s a better team than TCU – a position pretty strongly reinforced by that selfsame Cubbie squad getting torched by unranked  West Virginia the next week.

Memo to Widdle Artie Bwiles and the rest of the Baylor pussies:  Save the PR money next time – and just beat West Virginia.  (Oh, and playing someone other  than the Little Sisters of the Poor in non-conference wouldn’t hurt, either.)

Okay, here we go.  It’s finally put-up-or-shut-up time for Gary Patterson and his third-ranked TCU Horned Frogs.  They have Iowa State at home – and though the Cyclones aren’t going to be the pushover everyone’s expecting…how bad are they?

They got beat by Rock Chalk.

If TCU wants to be taken seriously this year, they not only have to beat Iowa State at home, but beat them convincingly.  None of this “we only need to score one more point than them” bullshit this week, Coach P.  We have to have a beating of Texas Tech proportions tomorrow (sorry, General).  Pull what Baylor did last week against Tech, and both Baylor and  Ohio State will jump you.

One of your team mottos is “Leave No Doubt”.  Well, now’s the time.

Sunday, Andy Dalton & the Cincinnati Bengals will play host to Ben Roethelisberger (did I spell that right?) and the Pittsburgh Steelers.

Pittsburgh…isn’t quite as good this year as in years past.  They’re still 7-5, but they’ve looked postively horrible in those five losses.  Still, it’s a technical toss-up (Bengals favored at home by three); it’ll depend on how well Cincy’s line protects Andy.

The wild-card games this week are as follows:  Oklahoma State to play #20 Oklahoma in the annual Bedlam game (never mind where they go post-season – this is OU’s bowl game), 13th-ranked Wisconsin vs. #5 The Ohio State University in the B1G championship game (sorry, but OSU has no chance against Bucky with their third-string quarterback playing), top-ranked Alabama vs. 16th-ranked Mizzou in the SEC championship game (I’d love for Mizzou to win here, ’cause it might actually propel Baylor to the top four and finally get them to shut up – but Bama’s too strong) and SMUT going up to play Connecticut (the Huskies were the Shitland Ponies’ first post-Death Penalty victim, and Kennycut’s never forgotten that; SMUT completes its winless season).

I’m back at work Monday, so I’ll get to the recap ASAP – hopefully Sunday.  In the meantime, Vicar, care to pick the SEC winner…?


Another WITY™ in the books, Denizens.

Canyon Randall 35, Wichita Falls Rider 28

#5 TCU 48, at Texas 10

Cincinnati 14, at Tampa Bay 13

at #1 Alabama 55, #15 Auburn 44

at Iowa 34, Nebraska 37 (OT)

at #14 Wisconsin 34, #18 Minnesota 24

Aw, come on! Is that all you got?! >


Last evening Mrs. Vicar and I had the pleasure of attending the Starkville Christmas parade. We had a blast! Our parade may not have the glitz and glamour of parades in larger and more famous burgs, but it was a time for out folks to enjoy ourselves and to see our young people strut their stuff.

For me the highlight of the parade was the three bands who provided the music. The lead band, as in they were the second unit in the parade, was the Mississippi State University Famous Maroon Band. I may have developed an interest in College football, but it is still the bands which turn my crank. These young adults are really good! Following the Maroon band later in the parade was the local middle school band, and the High school band. While these kids did not have the polish and finesse of the University band, they made up for it in enthusiasm, and we could see the beginnings of some amazing musicians.

Venemous, General, I’m sorry, when the sportscasters cut away from a game during half-time, they miss the best part of the game!


This year the Golden Egg goes to Ole Miss. In the five football seasons that I have been in Starkville, MSU has won three Egg Bowls, Ole Miss has won two.

I am convinced that the biggest problem for the Dawgs is that they are accustomed to seeing themselves as underdogs. We now have the talent, now we need to develop the attitude of a top team.


Denizes, as we start the Holiday Edition™ of the Perfect Football Weekend™, it is time for yet another WITY™.  Someone else besides me has finally  figured out that The Second Coming Of The World’s Greatest Quarterback Ever In The History Of Ever, Ever!™ – aka ARRRRRRRRRRRR GEEEEEEEEEEEEE THREEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!1!!!ONE!!~ – isn’t all that ‘n a bag o’ chips.

Only this  time…it’s his head coach.

If Jay Gruden’s stinging words this week about quarterback Robert Griffin III have not resonated, team sources tell ESPN that the Washington Redskins coach is prepared to speak louder if the third-year quarterback does not perform more consistently Sunday against the San Francisco 49ers.

That means Griffin could be yanked Sunday in favor of Colt McCoy, who is 2-0 as Griffin’s sub, or an evaluation will be made to make a move next week.

Gruden’s criticism has cited a breakdown in fundamentals, Griffin’s inability to overcome adversity and even that he has been “coddled.”


Through four games, Griffin has thrown for 763 yards, with 2 total touchdowns, 3 interceptions and a QBR of 34.2. The Redskins are 0-2 since he returned from a dislocated left ankle.

I have long told anyone who would listen that the only  reason Robert Griffin III was in the position he’s in was because of one game – the 2011 season opener against TCU.  He had a decent enough game against an untested, inexperienced secondary…and at that, one of those touchdown passes was an illegal double forward pass.

Add to that the fact that Ross Evans couldn’t kick his way out of a paper bag, and what should have been a 51-50 TCU win turned out to be a 50-48 Baylor victory, and the birth of a pseudo-legend.

Well, after an admittedly successful rookie year, the NFL has had a chance to figure out ARRRR GEEEE THREEEEEE!!!!  That, plus an injury has resulted in Grifiin, who (believe it or not) actually has a statue  out in front of Baylor’s new stadium, turning into another Andre Ware (great college QB, not so much in the pros).  They’ve figured out that if you want to make Griffin mediocre, keep him in the pocket.

And, earlier this week, coach Gruden did, in fact, pull that trigger:

The quaterback for the future for the Washington Redskins might not be in the locker-room as they believed.

Robert Griffin III, the Heisman trophy winner and top draft pick for Washington has battled injuries and a constant rotation on coaches and offensive coordinators. His days might be numbered as of this week.

After getting back in the line-up after battling injuries, Griffin will be finding himself back on the bench again.

When the Skins play the Indianapolis Colts this Sunday, journeyman Colt McCoy will be the starting quarterback. McCoy has played well when asked to play this season in Griffins absence.

Well?  What’d I Tell Ya?™

Let’s get to the football.  It’s Thanksgiving, so while we’re not  chronicling the Dallas Cowgirlz this time around (even though they’re at home versus Filthydelphia), we are  talking about Gary Patterson’s fifth-ranked TCU Horned Frogs as they’re in Austin against the Texas Longhorns T-Sip Shortdicks.  TU’s defense is improved from a few weeks ago, but Vegas still has the Frogs as a 6½-point road fave.  May come down to Jaden Overkrom again, we’ll have to see.

Cincinnati’s pretty much got a gimme this week, as they travel to Raymond James Stadium in Tampa Bay to play the Bucs.  Andy, can you bring back one of those pirate wenches when you get back to Fort Worth?

MRS. VENOMOUS (with cast-iron skillet):  HEY!!!!!!!


Arlington Heights is out of the playoffs, so we’re going to go with plan R – for Revenge.  Wichita Falls Rider, which beat Heights last week, is up in the regional playoffs in Lubbock this week against Canyon Randall HS.  GO RANDALL!!!!!

For the wildcards this week, we’re going with top-ranked Alabama hosting #15 Auburn (Bama’s has not forgotten that 109-yard failed-field-goal return from last year, and they’re out for revenge, as well), Nebraska at Iowa (the Huskers’ collapse continues as we observe what’re probably Pelini’s last days) and 18th-ranked Minnesota going to Camp Randall to get steamrolled by #14 Wisconsin (I’d love to see Minnehaha win here, as it helps TCU, but you’re not beating Bucky in Madison.  Ain’t happening).

We’re back Monday with the recap.  In the meantime…Vicar, how do you handicap the Egg Bowl (#19 Ole Miss vs. #4 Mississippi State)?


(Yeah, it’s a rerun of a rerun of a rerun.  Of a rerun.  Et cetera, ad infinitum, ad nauseamBite Sue me, mkay?  I’m busy cooking. )

I first penned (penned?) this screed (g) on 11/17/01.  I thought it appropriate then (and still do), it being Thanksgiving and all, to jot down a list of those things for which I was thankful.  This year the tradition continues, below the fold, as usual with only a few minor tweaks to keep things current:

Aw, come on! Is that all you got?! >


Well, it was a good run while it lasted.

Arlington Heights 23, Wichita Falls Rider 41

Cincinnati 22, at Houston 13

at #21 Oklahoma 44, Kansas 7

#25 Minnesota 28, at #23 Nebraska 24

#8 Ole Miss 0, at Arkansas 30

at Coastal Carolina 14, Liberty 15

Well, turnabout’s fair play, I s’pose.  Turner Gill’s group lost in OT last year at home to Coastal Carolina, so it’s only fitting that they return the favor.

Gotta admit, Turner – I didn’t think you had it in you

I was pissed last week when LaDanian Tomlinson’s rushing record was broken.

That didn’t last long.

Samaje Perine obliterated Melvin Gordon’s 408-yard record by dashing for 427 yards & five touchdown in destroying Rock Chalk.

Andy threw his requisite pick-six (groan), but was decent enough otherwise – 24 of 35 for 372 and a score.

Well, there was a beatdown, all right.  I just expected it to be the other way around, that’s all.

Looks like the Egg Bowl has lost just a touch of its luster.

It is said that Bo Pelini always finds a way to manage to lose four games.  And that his seat is increasingly warm because of this.

Well, he’s on his way:

Jerry Kill’s building project at Minnesota has taken another huge step.

Down by double digits in the third quarter, and with star running back David Cobb on the sideline injured, the Gophers (No. 25 CFP) stunned Nebraska (No. 23 CFP, No. 21 AP) 28-24 on Saturday to keep alive their hopes in the Big Ten West.

“I’m not going to tell you that winning in Lincoln, Nebraska, doesn’t rank up there,” Kill said. “That’s not an easy thing to do.”

The Gophers trailed by 14 points at half and by 10 in the middle of the third quarter before Mitch Leidner led two long scoring drives that gave them the lead. Leidner’s 2-yard run put the Gophers ahead, and Briean Boddy-Calhoun made the defensive play of the game when he ripped the ball out of De’Mornay Pierson-El’s hands at the Minnesota 2-yard line with 1:19 left.


Minnesota (8-3, 5-2), assured of its best Big Ten record since 2003, can win the West and go to the conference championship game on Dec. 6 with a victory at Wisconsin next week. The Cornhuskers (8-3, 4-3), humiliated at Wisconsin a week ago, lost back-to-back conference games for the first time since 2009 and were eliminated from the West race.

On CornNation.com, they’re already calling for changes to be made.  Pelini could be out by season’s end if this continues.

Rider figured out how to stop Heights:  Don’t let them have the ball.

Heights only ran 16 first-half plays.  They ran that many in the first quarter against Western Hills.

That sealed their doom.  Rider raced to a 21-3 lead, then just played keep-up with Heights the rest of the game.

Should be a good Yellow Jacket team next year.  For the first time since the Donnell Dickerson days, I’m highly encouraged.

This week:  2-4.  Overall:  60-18-1.

The PFW returns Thursday for the Thanksgiving day edition.  Belching will be heartily encouraged. 


All is good at the Parsonage this evening. The Starkville high school Yellow Jackets won their play-off game against Southaven 35-10, Ole Miss got beat by Arkansas 30-0, and the Mississippi State Bulldogs beat Vanderbilt 51-0. This makes the Dawgs 10 and 1, and unbeaten at home for the season. Looking forward to next week’s Egg Bowl.


Those of you who have read me for any  length of time – well, you probably knew it was coming all along, didn’t you? – but you know damned well what this is.

For now, click the link.  Go ahead.  Click it.  I effin’ dare  you.

And turn it up.  Waaaaaay  up.    )

That’s right, sportz fanz:  It’s vacation time for His Rudeness™.  A chance to Get Away From It All™, as it were.

For the first time in ten years, this is a multi-week vacation, as I get two whole weeks to spread as much hate & discontent as I possibly can.

MRS. VENOMOUS (with cast-iron skillet):  You are not  going to any strip clubs, you hear meeeeeee?!?!?!?!!

VENOMOUS:  Yeah, yeah, whatever, woman.

MRS. VENOMOUS (with cast-iron skillet):  CLAAAANNNNNNNGGGGGGGGGGG!!!!!!!!!!

…uh, ow.

Vicar, General – you guys have the conn.  General…when you’re done chlorinating the gene pool of Twinkie-hating union goons down there in the Southern Command™, could I borrow a couple cases of Band-Aids©…?


As we launch this pre-holiday edition of the Perfect Football Weekend™, Denizens, I find myself having lost all respect for one Adrian Peterson of the Minne-haha ViQueens.

No, not because he drew a tiny dollop of blood when he spanked his son a little too hard with a switch.  (As an aside…Steffi Dawn Stewart, I trust you’re not taking it easy on our son when it comes to discipline.  I would hate to think he turned out…well, like you.)

No, I’ve lost respect for the man because he caved in to the NFL and promised “never to use a switch as discipline on any of his children again”.

“I won’t ever use a switch again,” Peterson told USA Today Sports in his first extensive public remarks since being indicted for reckless or negligent injury to a child. “There’s different situations where a child needs to be disciplined as far as timeout, taking their toys away, making them take a nap. There’s so many different ways to discipline your kids.”


Commissioner Roger Goodell, in a statement announcing Peterson’s suspension, was critical of the star running back, saying, “You have shown no meaningful remorse for your conduct.”

And what the ever-loving fuck  do you  know about “discipline”, Roger Goodfella?  Hell – you  thought it was okay to only suspend Ray Rice two fucking games!!!


As for you, Peterson – thanks for letting us know your kids are now gonna grow up to be just like the doucherifles over there in Ferguson, MO.

See, Denizens, this is what I rail about when I scream bloody murder about the pussification of America.  Peterson’s kid probably had a spanking coming, but because a droplet of blood emanated from his butt-ocks (a little Forrest Gump lingo, there), the metrosexual pansy-assed dickless wonders that make up the Low-Information Lunatic Lickspittles™ of our society clutch their pearls, acquire Teh Vapors™ and decry what, fifty to sixty years ago, this society would have roundly cheered.

And then we wonder how we could have elected an illegal Kenyan bastard to the White House – twice – and then just sit, whine & kvetch when he goes and blatantly violates the Constitution instead of manning up, getting off our asses and going and doing  something about it.

Thanks, A.P.


Let’s get on with the football.  My Arlington Heights Yellow Jackets have a chance to do what no Fort Worth “hah skrewl” (a little Rush lingo, there) team has done in nearly 15 years:  Win an area football playoff game.

They have Wichita Falls Rider tonight at 7:30 in Mineral Wells.  Rider & Heights look to be pretty evenly matched – they beat White Settlement Brewer by more than did Heights, but didn’t beat Grapevine by as many as Heights did.  They’re capable of putting up points, but they can also give them up, too.  Should be a good game.

Sunday, Andy Dalton’s Cincinnati Bengals come to the Southern Command™ to take on Supreme General Rayegun’s Texans.  If they can keep J.J. Watt out of the endzone (either offensively or defensively), they might have a shot.  Vegas has the Texans as a two-point home favorite, which translates to a toss-up.  I guess it’ll depend on whether Ryan FitzPatrick takes the field.

TCU is off this week, so we’ll have four wildcard games: Rock Chalk to go into Norman and give #21 Oklahoma a scare (and if Kansas does  pull off the upset, they’ll be calling for Bob Stoops’ head before the night’s out), #25 UMinnesota to have a letdown game against #23 Nebraska (and believe me, I’d love for Jerry Kill’s bunch to go in and upset Bo Pelini’s kids, but I just don’t see it happening), eighth-ranked Ole Miss to give Ar-kansas a shellacking in Fayetteville (I will never pick the Hogs for anything, ever), and Liberty U. to get their asses whipped at Coastal Carolina.  (Sorry, Turner – I was gonna pick you…but then I saw whom you were playing, and you couldn’t beat ‘em at home last year, so…(shrug))

We’re back Monday for the recap.  (And it will  be Monday, too – tune into this channel tomorrow to learn why.  (Hint:  This is as close to a countdown  as you guys are gonna get this year.  One.))


Welp…there go the playoffs.

Arlington Heights 70, Burleson Centennial 28 (Bi-District)

#4 TCU 34, at Kansas 30

Cincinnati 27, New Orleans 10

Oklahoma 42, at Texas Tech 30

at #20 Wisconsin 59, #16 Nebraska 24

at #5 Alabama 25, #1 Mississippi State 20

Aw, come on! Is that all you got?! >


This actually happened a while back, but it seems that not all Federal judges have drank the “marriage equality” koolaid. Check this out.


Since January, we have had five people begin worshipping with us who moved from that delightful place you have always called “North Ice”., just in case you are interested.


Denizens, we launch into this week’s edition of the Perfect Football Weekend™ with yet another blurb from the Penn State debacle – this time with the No Cojones At All™ administration coming >< this close to stepping into a pile of shit up to its collective head.

To wit:

“A newly disclosed email from the NCAA’s top lawyer documents just how close Penn State came to having its football program shut down due to the Jerry Sandusky child abuse scandal.

It says the school’s “cooperation and transparency” saved the program.”

(Sorry for the formatting – looks like WordPress is vomiting up a lot of my coding tonight.)

That would be the “cooperation and transparency” into which it was browbeaten & cowed, if you’ll recall.

“The email from lawyer Donald Remy to a school attorney was attached to a court filing Thursday, as the NCAA battles with two Pennsylvania officials over penalties that were imposed on Penn State.

The email establishes that on July 17, 2012, six days before the Penn State sanctions were announced, a majority on the NCAA executive committee favored the “death penalty,” shutting down the football program.”

And again, this is the NCAA threatening to shut down the football program for the actions of people who weren’t even employed there, simply because they had certain access to certain buildings, where they performed activities that were not even sanctioned by the university, that were eventually dealt with by school personnel in accordance with Pennsylvania law.

This would be akin to Arlington Heights losing its football program for me entering the school building and performing some illegality, any illegality, that was arbitrarily & capriciously deemed to be _¡qué horrible!_

Damn good thing I’m not the PSU chancellor.  My lawsuit against the NCAA would have started at ten (10) digits, and gone from there.  (For the pussies in the Church of the SubTarded, that’s one-extra-extra-extra-extra large, or one billion.)

Once again…fuck you, NCAA.

Very quickly now, on with the football.  As I write this, my Arlington Heights Yellow Jackets, fresh off a perfect season, are in the bi-district playoffs against Burleson Centennial HS down south of Realm™ HQ, in Mansfield.  As of this writing, Heights is up 7-0, so we’ll keep an eye on that.

Tomorrow, Gary Patterson takes his fourth-ranked TCU Horned Frogs – yes, that’s right; if the season ended today, the Frogs would be in the playoffs – up to Lawrence to play Rock Chalk.  The Tadpoles are a solid 28-point favorite here, so unless they lay a complete egg, I don’t see them breaking _that_ much of a sweat.

Sunday, Andy Dalton’s Cincinnati Kittycats – fresh off that humiliation at the hands of Cleveland (Cleveland?), try to snap out of it vs. the Saints at the Superdome in N’awlins.  This isn’t the best place to try to snap out of a funk, but N’awlins isn’t playing all that well, either (they’re one game under .500), so even though they’re a 7-point favorite at home, Cincy’s got a shot here.

Wild card games are as follows: *Oklahoma* traveling to Lubbock & taking out their Baylor frustrations on TTech (sorry, Generalette), #16 Nebraska going up to Madison to get pounded on by #20 *Wisconsin* (Joel Stave’s not quite as crappy a quarterback as Tommy Armstrong), and top-ranked Mississippi State running into fifth-ranked *Alabama’s* buzzsaw (sorry, Vicar).

We’re back next week with the recap.  Maybe it’ll be Monday – who knows?


Jenna said what?


Did she mention me by name, or was it just kinda like was she just talking in general…?

She mentioned you by name, dumbass.  She said you were a little metrosexual dickweed, and she never wanted to see you again.

There.  Happy now?

This  is why I never patronize Sonic anymore.  Take the hint, Sonic.


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