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To: His Nastiness Darth Venemous

From: The Vicar

Date: 7 November 2011

Re: Spatula City Community

Will our old friends from the LENS/LESS days be joining us here?

That’s it.&#160 Candace, you can have him.&#160 I’ve had enough of that son-of-a-bitch.

Arlington Heights 52, Carter-Riverside 0

#25 Texas Christian 37, at Air Force 19

at #10 Nebraska 42, Fresno St 29

at Kansas 45, Northern Illinois 42

Dallas 24, at NY Jets 27

Well, Denizens?&#160 What’d I Tell Ya&#153?&#160 Heights with the expected squash over the Eagles.

Omar Valadez was 9-23, but for 124 yards.&#160 Kameron Holmes & Abece Dorsey ran for 212 & 152 yards, respectively, as the Jackets ground out a total of 475 yards.

—

One of my best friends called it one of the worst quarters in Cornhusker history.&#160 It ended with the score Fresno 14, Nebraska 7.&#160 And in the fourth quarter, the Bulldogs were just there, hanging around, trailing by two, and threatening to make NU fans start calling for Bo Pelini’s head.

Enter Ameer Abdullah.

The Nebraska freshman returned a kickoff 100 yards for a touchdown after Fresno State made it a two-point game in the fourth quarter, and the 10th-ranked Cornhuskers went on to win 42-29 Saturday night.

“We had a couple previous kick returns that were almost there,” Abdullah said. “So we perfected the blocks and wedge. Coach said I had to make a move and make a play. It was the turning point of the game.”

—

This would have been an easy one for Kansas to lose.&#160 And in fact, they were trailing with five minutes to go in the game.

But after a great kickoff return by B.J. Beshears, Jordan Webb led Rock-Chalk on a 47j-yard touchdown drive, kitting Beshears from the six with 0:09 left.

I foresee another Executive Decision&#153 in KU’s future.&#160 (Probably with a SpatulaLine&#153, but still.)

—

Their secondary is still terribly suspect.&#160 And a better game plan by Air Force would’ve exploited it – one heavy on the play-action pass, I think.&#160 Even so, the Falcons rolled up 416 yards on the Horne-Frogs.

Nevertheless, Casey Pachall had a better game, going 20-25-206 and no turnovers, and the tandem of Matthew Tucker & Wayman James led a 204-yard ground attack.

—

At one time, I was Toni Romo’s staunchest ally.&#160 I was screaming&#160 for him to replace Drew “Statue” Bledsoe.&#160 I saw the potential, the savvy, the ability to make incredible plays out of nothing.&#160 I still remember the snap that went over his head vs. St. Louis which bounced nearly to the Dallas endzone, whereupon Romo picked it up and ran about 40 yards for the first down.

We haven’t seen that quarterback in three years.&#160 And at this point, I don’t think we’ll ever see that quarterback again.

A failure of Joe DeCamilis’ special teams (leading to a blocked punt for a touchdown) notwithstanding, this team was two touchdowns up at the start of the fourth quarter, and Romo pissed it away.&#160 A fumble at the goal line, leaving at least three points on the ground, then an interception when his intended receiver was double-covered where he should&#160 have thrown the ball out of bounds, pulled defeat right from the jaws of victory once again.

Rob Ryan’s defense, while giving up a few big plays, hounded Mark Sanchez all night long, forcing a couple of fumble and a pick.&#160 That’s the best any Cowboy defense has played in a while, and it was exciting to watch – something else&#160 we haven’t seen from the Dallas defense lately.

And Romo fucked it all up.

I’m done with the bastard.&#160 As far as I’m concerned, Dallas can go 0-16 and draft Anderw Luck.&#160 They aren’t going to go anywhere with this piss-poor excuse-for-a-quarterback.

In fact, don’t be surprised if the PFW starts counting Cowgirl losses as wins.

This week:&#160 4-1.&#160 Overall:&#160 7-2

The PFW returns Friday, when we’ll talk about what should&#160 be a revenge game – but probably won’t.

Happy Blogaversary to me;

Happy Blogaversary to me;

Happy Blogaversary dear Vennnnn-o-mousssssssssssss (burp!)

Happy Blogaversary to me!!!!!!!!!

It was eight years ago today that Spatula City BBS! ceased being a simple web site and became a full-fledged member of the Blogosphere.

Eight years, several CSITMF challenges and one douchebaggery, plays-with-inflatable-dolls chickenshit (yeah, Cortese, I’m looking at you) later, we’re still going strong.

Thanks to all 110,000+ of you who’ve darkened my doorstep.

(And to the ones who’re too frightened to – yeah, told you so.)

Is this legal?

Was not this sort of action on the part of the British, one of the reasons our founders chose to separate from England?

While I am thinking of it, emergency response teams may wish to go on heightened alert at the Southern Command, and VHQ(Venomous headquarters). This is the sort of thing which has been known to give both the General and his nastiness massive strokes!

Denizens, the annual Memorial Day column reprint can be found here.

Happy Memorial Day, guys.

And to our men & women who serve & have served…thank you.

I.&#160 Love.&#160 This.&#160 Woman.

Ann Barnhardt for Congress!

I’m going to give in to the Dark Side&#153 a bit and link to a Fine Blog&#153 called Hookers and Booze – primarily for this reason:

(Vicar, this is as far as you really need to read. (grin))

That, and some of my friends over at the Rott are authors there.

But primarily for the pic.

(And this isn’t the first ever Rule 5 post in the Realm&#153 – but there haven’t been that many of ’em, to my everlasting chagrin.)

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I need to get a head start on a certain skillet…&#160

(Hat tip to the lovely & gracious Michelle – and thanks again for the registration yesterday!)

Oh.&#160 Hell.&#160 Yeah.

Allen West for President ’12.

The Dullest Moaning Snooze regrettably announced the other day that they were comitting suicide.

The Dallas Morning News plans to launch a new digital strategy on Jan. 18, and it will begin charging for online and mobile access to some of its content on Feb. 15.

The initiatives include an iPad application; an updated iPhone app; and a new design and streamlined navigation for the newspaper’s website, dallasnews.com.

The comprehensive digital package only – including the electronic edition of The News and subscriber content on dallasnews.com, iPad and iPhone applications, but excluding the print newspaper – will cost $16.95 per month. Access to The News’ content on just one of those digital products will cost less.

Subscriber content will include proprietary news and information produced by The News. Headlines, breaking news, most blogs, obituaries, classifieds and nonproprietary content such as syndicated wire stories will remain free.

As I noted in their comments in the story, this “proprietary news and information” includes whiny-assed, angst-ridden hand-wringer Steve Blow (go here to read his attack on Christmas – and Stevie, what’s this we&#160 Christians BS, paleface?), Maureen Dowd-wannabe Jacquelynn Floyd (one of her&#160 whine-fests can be found here).

Then there’s Gromer Jeffers, who acts & writes like he’s on the Dallas County Demoscum payroll.&#160 (Don’t believe me?&#160 This is who little Gromie hangs out with.)

Plus, the site has technical issues which I won’t get into here.

And for all this, they want $17 a month.

Not only no, but fuckin’ hell no!!!!!&#160 The site itself is substandard, a lot of content comes from Assphyxiated Piss and what they call “wire services” (actually, a good chunk of it comes from their next-door neighbor, the Fort Worth Star-Telegram), and the comments contained in any given news article usually contain a goodly amount of spam…and they want money for this.

They want money for something I can get for free through RSS.

S’long, Moaning Snooze.&#160 Instead of trying to raise rates on folks who already think you’re not that good, how about raising the quality of your product, hm?

Or would that be too much, y’know, work?

RIP to what used to be a damn good newspaper.

Denizens, the Christmas edition of the Perfect Football Weekend&#153…kicks off…

CREW:&#160 CORRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR-NEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!

VENOMOUS:&#160 Merry Christmas, guys.

MERLIN:&#160 And the merriest of Christmases to you as well, m’liege.

KORRIOTH, K’HADIBAK’H:&#160 QISmaS DatIvjaj ‘ej DIS chu’ DatIvjaj.

OZY MCCOOL:&#160 Nollaig shona duit.

T-BONE MCMANX:&#160 Bliain úr faoi shéan is faoi mhaise duit.

…kicks off with yet another story about everyone’s favorite Widdle Terri Owens-wannabe, DeShawna Jackoff.

Seems the little needle-dick pulled another showboating act during the game with the NY Football Douchebags, where the D-bags suffered a total collapse, losing the game on the very last play.

That play, as you all know, was a punt that coach Tommy-boy Coughlin told his punter to kick out of bounds, but saw him kick it to Jackoff anyway.&#160 Whereupon Jackoff muffed the punt, then picked it up and raced to the goal line.

At this point, it gets interesting.&#160 What you saw on your TV screens was Jackoff taunting the D-bags by running parallel to the goal line for about 25 yards before scoring.

What you didn’t&#160 see…was here.

DeSean Jackson’s goal-line grandstanding could have caused his miraculous game-winning punt return to be wiped out, a review of FOX replays show.

As the Philadelphia Eagles return man was running parallel to the end zone, delaying his touchdown for maximum showboating effectiveness, a number of his teammates ran onto the field from the sideline, a clear violation of the NFL’s “too many men on the field” rules.

The new wrinkle on Jackson’s return was first noticed at BallHyped.com. Because he took a turn at the 6-yard line instead of running into the end zone, a number of his teammates and some coaches spilled out onto the field in anticipation of his touchdown, which didn’t come until a few seconds later. A flag could have been thrown, bringing back the touchdown and sending the game to overtime.

Which, of course, it wasn’t.&#160 The zebras could have…and should have…called it.&#160 But…just as we saw with the aforementioned Widdle Terri Owens, his then-quarterback Donna McCrabbs and the now-infamous Roy Williams Rule, the league protected its butt-buddy honeyboys in Pussydelphia and looked the other way.

Which is to say that the Beagles are just like their NFL counterparts, the New England Pansy-asses, and the Smurf Turf Fucknozzle State Bronc-ettes…they can’t win playing straight-up football.&#160 They have to have help.

Of course, none of this would have happened if the C’girlz had had any testicular fortitude and taken out little Ms. Jackoff at the knees two weeks ago.

Speaking of the C’girlz, tonight we have them traveling out to the Arizona desert to take on the Phoenix Cardinals.&#160 Phoenix is starting a rookie quarterback, and their defense hasn’t stopped anyone this year – but they still have Larry Fitzgerald at receiver, and the C’girlz have a wire-strainer defense…it lets everything&#160 through.&#160 Cardinals in an easy win.

We’re back Sunday for the recap, then we’ll have the Bowl Edition&#153 next week.&#160 Keep it here.

Those of you who have read me for any&#160 length of time – well, you probably knew it was coming all along, didn’t you?&#160 Especially&#160 given all the counting that’s been going on ’round these parts.&#160 But you know damned well what this is.

(Go ahead.&#160 Click it.&#160 I effin’ dare&#160 you.

And turn it up.&#160 Waaaaaay&#160 up.&#160 &#160 )

That’s right, sportz fanz:&#160 It’s the second third second vacation of the year, the annual post-L-tryptophan pilgrammage for His Rudeness&#153.&#160 And this&#160 time, said vacation is not&#160 going to be spent [un]packing & moving.

That, and lounging around on my fat ass.&#160 But you knew that already, didn’t you?&#160 But at least I’ll have time to post a bit, so I can start catching up on stuff.

Vicar, General – you guys have the conn relax for a bit.&#160 I got this.

Didn’t get home until mid-evening, Denizens.&#160 (Overtime’ll do that to you.)

Check back tomorrow – when I shall extoll the virtues of the homemade taco salad…

Now on the first day of the week Mary Magdalene came early to the tomb, while it was still dark, and saw the stone already taken away from the tomb.

So she ran and came to Simon Peter and to the other disciple whom Jesus loved, and said to them, “They have taken away the Lord out of the tomb, and we do not know where they have laid Him.”

So Peter and the other disciple went forth, and they were going to the tomb.

The two were running together; and the other disciple ran ahead faster than Peter and came to the tomb first;

and stooping and looking in, he saw the linen wrappings lying there; but he did not go in.

And so Simon Peter also came, following him, and entered the tomb; and he saw the linen wrappings lying there,

and the face-cloth which had been on His head, not lying with the linen wrappings, but rolled up in a place by itself.

So the other disciple who had first come to the tomb then also entered, and he saw and believed.

For as yet they did not understand the Scripture, that He must rise again from the dead.

So the disciples went away again (N)to their own homes.

But Mary was standing outside the tomb weeping; and so, as she wept, she stooped and looked into the tomb;

and she saw two angels in white sitting, one at the head and one at the feet, where the body of Jesus had been lying.

And they said to her, “Woman, why are you weeping?” She said to them, “Because they have taken away my Lord, and I do not know where they have laid Him.”

When she had said this, she turned around and saw Jesus standing there, and did not know that it was Jesus.

Jesus said to her, “Woman, why are you weeping? Whom are you seeking?” Supposing Him to be the gardener, she said to Him, “Sir, if you have carried Him away, tell me where you have laid Him, and I will take Him away.”

Jesus said to her, “Mary!” She turned and said to Him in Hebrew, “Rabboni!” (which means, Teacher).

Jesus said to her, “Stop clinging to Me, for I have not yet ascended to the Father; but go to My brethren and say to them, ‘I ascend to My Father and your Father, and My God and your God.'”

Mary Magdalene came, (AB)announcing to the disciples, “I have seen the Lord,” and that He had said these things to her.

So when it was evening on that day, the first day of the week, and when the doors were shut where the disciples were, for fear of the Jews, Jesus came and stood in their midst and said to them, “Peace be with you.”

And when He had said this, He showed them both His hands and His side The disciples then rejoiced when they saw the Lord.

So Jesus said to them again, “Peace be with you; as the Father has sent Me, I also send you.”

And when He had said this, He breathed on them and said to them, “Receive the Holy Spirit.

“If you forgive the sins of any, their sins have been forgiven them; if you retain the sins of any, they have been retained.”

But Thomas, one of the twelve, called Didymus, was not with them when Jesus came.

So the other disciples were saying to him, “We have seen the Lord!” But he said to them, “Unless I see in His hands the imprint of the nails, and put my finger into the place of the nails, and put my hand into His side, I will not believe.”

After eight days His disciples were again inside, and Thomas with them. Jesus came, the doors having been shut, and stood in their midst and said, “Peace be with you.”

Then He said to Thomas, “Reach here with your finger, and see My hands; and reach here your hand and put it into My side; and do not be unbelieving, but believing.”

Thomas answered and said to Him, “My Lord and my God!”

Jesus said to him, “Because you have seen Me, have you believed? Blessed are they who did not see, and yet believed.”

John 20:1-29

And may God once again add His blessings to the reading of His word.

As I tell you every year around this time Denizens:&#160 Screw the colored eggs & bunny rabbits.&#160 It’s not about those, and never has been.

Christ is risen.&#160 Hallelujah!

Denizens, this right here is People’s Exhibit&#153 #73,717 as to why I hate the hell outta polls.&#160 (It’s also reason number 98,110 why the Lame Stream Media&#153 is on its way down the Royal Shitter&#153.)

Americans of both parties overwhelmingly oppose a Supreme Court ruling that allows corporations and unions to spend as much as they want on political campaigns, and most favor new limits on such spending, according to a new Washington Post-ABC News poll.

No.&#160 They.&#160 Don’t.&#160 To quote a very recently famous Congresscritter, “You lie!”.

Eight in 10 poll respondents say they oppose the high court’s Jan. 21 decision to allow unfettered corporate political spending, with 65 percent “strongly” opposed. Nearly as many backed congressional action to curb the ruling, with 72 percent in favor of reinstating limits.

Bullshit.&#160 Pure, unadulterated, unfiltered, unleavened, unmedicated, unsweetened, non-bio-effin’-degradable bull-fuckin’-shit.

The poll reveals relatively little difference of opinion on the issue among Democrats (85 percent opposed to the ruling), Republicans (76 percent) and independents (81 percent).

The results suggest a strong reservoir of bipartisan support on the issue

And that, sportz fanz, was my first clue that something was fucking rotten&#160 in Denmark.&#160 Given the current political climate, the average&#160 Republican & Demoscum aren’t going to agree on what day&#160 it is, much&#160 less getting an overwhelming majority to agree on something about which conservatives like me have been screaming now for years.

Well, NewsBusters did a little digging on the matter, and this is what they found:

The misinformation begins right in the lede, where reporter Dan Eggen claims the SCOTUS decision “allows corporations and unions to spend as much as they want on political campaigns.” That statement is utterly false. The decision allows corporations and unions to spend unlimited dollars on political advertising. Restrictions on campaign contributions are still in place.

The misinformation continues to flow into the second paragraph, where Eggen claims that the law under the Citizens United decision permits “unfettered corporate political spending.” No it doesn’t. It allows unfettered corporate speech.

Later in the story Eggen writes, “the decision appears to open the door to unlimited spending by corporations, trade groups and unions in the weeks leading up to an election, which has been explicitly banned for decades.” Once again, the article doesn’t mention that spending is not unlimited. Only spending on political speech is unlimited.

And when you get to one of the questions the WaPooP asked, it becomes clear why this is a bullshit poll:

Do you support or oppose the recent ruling by the Supreme Court that says corporations and unions can spend as much money as they want to help political candidates win elections?

Which is, of course, unfettered bullshit.&#160 The Citizens United&#160 ruling lifts the ban on spending on political speech.&#160 It does not&#160 say that corporations can finance entire political campaigns, which is exactly what this question implies it does.

Fuck you, WaPooP.&#160 No wonder you bastards are screaming for a bailout.

This opinion piece is just that, one man’s opinion. He does, however, have a point. The same government which regulates Toyota, owns a piece of two of Toyota’s competitors.

Does anyone aside from me see a problem here?