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(Hat tip:&#160 Dan Riehl.)

“Well Governor, let me start by saying it’s great to have a different opinion and a different person on the radio and I’m very, very happy that you’re doing this radio show. One of the reasons why I want to listen to your program every day is because you ran for office and you’ve been a politician, you have a different perspective I think.”

—The first caller to Mike Huckabee’s new radio show Monday, 4/9/12

You just can’t make shit like this up.

Well…actually…you can.

In fact, Huckabee…ummm…did.

In fact, “Mike from San Francisco” turned out after some digging to be one Mike McVay, the senior vice president of programming for… wait for it… the Cumulus Media Network. None of which was acknowledged on the air by either “Mike from San Francisco” or, more to the point, Mike Huckabee.

Jeffery Lord goes on to strongly imply (if not state outright) that Huckabee not only was in on it, but may have even had a hand in the staging.

Sad.

I’ve never done that here.&#160 Could very easily, but I don’t roll like that. Any commenter you see here is a real person, really commenting.

True&#160 conservatives don’t have to make shit up, y’know.

So Fox News this morning has this caption on a report about the correlation of crime & gun control – no, I had the sound turned down and didn’t listen to it; FNC is grating enough to my ears nowadays now that they seem to be turning into CNN Lite…

…and the caption reads – and I quote:

RPT: CRIME GOING DOWN DESPITE THE OVERTURN OF CITY GUN BANS

What?&#160 The?&#160 Ever?&#160 Loving?&#160 Fuckity?&#160 FUCK?!?!?!?!!!

Has it not occurred to the pinheads over at Fox News that crime might&#160 be going down BECAUSE&#160 of “the overturn of city gun bans”?!

Libtards far & wide have been calling Fox “Faux News” for years now.&#160 And with this sudden leftist bent of theirs…they might finally be right.

Take a look, Denizens:

Memo to the Blondie&#160 staff (specifically, Dean Young & John Marshall):&#160 Any carolers who give me that “we know where you live” line will find themselves with faces full of 12-gauge.

See, we have a little thing in Texas called “castle doctrine” (it’s also the law in other states, as well).&#160 Means that we can respond to threats in our domicile with deadly force if we see fit.

And “we know where you live” most definitely qualifies.&#160 Cap&#237ce???

Just a reminder for you and your “carolers” who think threats like that are cute ‘n clever.

ThatIsAll&#153.

Jim Hoft reports (via the PO’d Patriot) that Glenn Beck has apparently decided he wants a second Bambi term.

While talking with a caller yesterday morning on his radio show, Glenn Beck said that he would probably pick Ron Paul as a third party candidate over Newt Gingrich, if he had to choose between the two.

(I couldn’t find the blurb, but I’ll take Jim’s word for it.)

Anyway, here’s the vid:

Good luck in your next career, Beck – whatever that is, you moron.

(NOTE:&#160 Hey, Paultards!&#160 Unlike Sister Toldjah, I don’t just let anybody comment here.&#160 You have to register, then&#160 I have to approve your first comment.&#160 And, seeing what you pussies tried to do over on her site the other day, that ain’t likely.&#160 So you Ronulans can shove it up your skanky asses if you don’t like it.

Or you can grow a set, come to my doorstep & say it to my face.&#160 Bring an HMO.)

Denizens, welcome to this week’s edition of the Perfect Football Weekend&#153.

Arlington Heights gets its season ended by Birdville tonight, fifth-ranked Smurf Turf Douchebag State proves once again it can’t beat TCU without their so-called “trickeration” (they’ll win, but they’ll have to use trick plays to do so), sixth-ranked Oklahoma has the week off, so we’ll plug in 18th-ranked Wisconsin at UMinne-haha, 19th-ranked Nebraska is at 12th-ranked Penn State, and Dallas has Beefalo at home on Sunday.

And I’m not pontificating on the games this weekend, because I’ve got a Red Curtain o’ Blood&#153 covering my eyes RightAboutNow&#153, and a certain Filipina bitch – not to mention a lot of other Lame-Assed Media&#153 types – are at the top of my shit list.

Some background.&#160 A damned good man lost his job today, and he lost it for the CARDINAL, UNFORGIVABLE SIN!!!!11!!!ONE!!1!ELEVENTYMILLION!!1!…of following Pennsylvania state law.

I refer, of course, to Joe Paterno.

For the first time in almost a half-century, someone other than Joe Paterno is calling the shots at Penn State.

The winningest coach in major college football history was fired Wednesday night

A good man is now persona non grata&#160 with a great many shitheaded asshats around this country simply because he followed Pennsylvania state law and delivered a second-hand report from an underling about a criminal incident that he did not personally witness.&#160 Paterno went to his athletic director, as he should have done, and reported what he had been told.&#160 Yet, he is being treated as a pariah by those of the Fifth Column&#153 who think they’re entitled to be the moral arbiters of us all.

And whether Joe Paterno was initially told the lurid specifics of that 2002 rape or not, the reports that say that Jerry Sandusky still had access to the locker room, still had an office, and still was entitled to roam the Penn State campus defy all definitions of responsible adult behavior.

What does it take for someone, knowing Sandusky’s questioned past, to go to somebody in charge — the athletic director, the school president, the police — and ask, “What’s that pervert doing near this football team?”

Instead, having failed to expel one-time assistant coach and defensive coordinator Sandusky, the people at Penn State tried to pull a rug over the situation.

Because they could.

What, because you&#160 say so, Gil LeBretard?&#160 And pray tell, what gives you the right to pass judgment over Joe Paterno?&#160 Or any of us, for that matter?

And then there’s that Filipina skank, Michelle “Malicious” Malkin.

And now, it’s college football. The failures to act, the cover up, the rationalizations all echo each other — and also mirror the institutionalized failures, cover ups, and rationalizations of Catholic Church officials who enabled pedophiles to prey on innocent young victims entrusted to their care and oversight across the country.

The systemic enabling of child sexual predators is an unspeakable evil. So is willful ignorance about the sordid details of the case.

The latest developments? It looks like Joe Paterno will get off and get out easy.

Yeah, Malicious?&#160 Tell me – when do you get your&#160 comeuppance for what you did to Rick Perry, hm?&#160 When do you get shunned and frog-marched (as you apparently want to do with JoePa) for whining & sniveling about Tina Brown’s “stupid photo tricks” against your honeygirl, Michelle Bachmann, then four days later did the exact same fucking thing to Governor Perry?

The point, skank, in case you can’t keep up:&#160 Who the hell appointed you, or anyone like you, to be the definitive moral arbiter of all of us?&#160 What gives you, or this pusstard excuse-for-a-police-commissioner Fwankie Noonan, any business to stand up there on a pedestal and say what any&#160 of us should&#160 do?&#160 WHO MADE YOU THE BOSSES OF US, YOU BASTARDS?!

And now Joe Paterno, who had a 61-year career setting the definitive example of how a football program, college, pro or otherwise, should be run, is treated as less than pond scum and unceremoniously dumped from a job he loved, all because a bunch of fuckheaded, asstastic piles of shit decided to impose their own moral values on him and say he should&#160 have done something a lot of them probably wouldn’t have had the balls to do themselves in his stead?

Ever noticed how the same ones who snivel, piss & moan about Christians supposedly imposing their values on others suddenly decide it’s okay for them&#160 to do so when it involves their own&#160 half-assed excuses-for-values being imposed.

Fuck ’em.&#160 Just fuck all&#160 of ’em.&#160

UPDATE:&#160 Oh, and not to put too&#160 fine a point thereupon (and yes, I know this doesn’t mean shit to anyone outside this blog – give me credit for still realizing the world doesn’t revolve around me)…from this point forward into perpetuity, a Perfect Football Weekend&#153 will be declared on the spot, regardless of how the rest of my teams do, anytime Penn State gets its ass handed to them.

Meaning, for example, that if Nebraska wins this weekend, it’s an automatic PFW, even if I go 0-4 with the other squads.

Fuck you, Penn State “trustees”.&#160 I wouldn’t trust you now with my shit, much less my kid.

Not that I like Herbie Cain all that much – and until he apologizes to Rick Perry, he can kiss my ass – but I don’t give two flying fucks at rolling donuts what Cain did twenty years ago.

However, a Patterico commenter named Gazzer said it best:

Lessee, John Edwards can knock a bitch up. Ted Kennedy and Dodd can go all “Night at the Roxbury” on a waitress. Billy Jeff can rape with impunity and abuse Castro’s finest export on an intern (amongst other things), but if that Cain so much as looks sideways at a woman…

Nail.&#160 Head.

Find something else, Lame-Assed Media.

Denizens, this week’s episode of the Perfect Football Weekend&#153 opens with that Mickey Mouse network, ESPN (and I mean that literally; they’re owned by Disney), infringing upon the free-speech rights of one Hank Williams, Jr.

BOSTON (Reuters) – ESPN pulled Hank Williams Jr.’s theme song from its “Monday Night Football” broadcast in a rebuke to the country music star for comments earlier in the day comparing President Barack Obama to Adolf Hitler.

Williams, a Republican, had appeared on a Fox News’ morning television show “FOX and Friends” on Monday, and was asked which of his party’s presidential candidates he liked.

Obama and Boehner played side by side that day against Vice President Joe Biden and Republican Ohio Governor John Kasich at the height of the congressional budget debate.

Asked what he did not like about the friendly bipartisan golf match, Williams replied, “Come on! It’d be like Hitler playing golf with (Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin) Netanyahu.”

For Hank’s part, he wound up apologizing for the comparison – which, if you ask me, he absolutely should not have done – and the four-lettered bastards wound up making the removal permanent.

Now, I seem to remember a helluva lotta libtards comparing Bambi’s predecessor to this Hitler character beginning sometime around November 2000.&#160 And it continues to this very day.&#160 But you don’t hear any angst – mock or otherwise – over that, now do you?

(crickets)

Nah, didn’t think so.

Memo to the four-lettered:&#160 I don’t have to watch your network.&#160 I don’t have to do business with your sponsors.&#160 And I don’t have to apologize for happening to agree with Hank Williams, Jr’s first impression on the matter.

For the record, yeah – I think Bambi is&#160 another Hitler.&#160 Come do something about it ESPN, you chickenshits.

Awright, on to the football.&#160 It’s Yet Another Thursday Game&#153 for Ged Kates and my Arlington Heights Yellow Jackets, and it’s a Guaranteed Win Night&#153 as well, for they are playing the North Side Steers.&#160 North Side generally wins one game a year.

Against Carter-Riverside.

Heights in a major squash.

Saturday, Gary Patterson’s unranked&#160 Texas Christian Horned Frogs – yes, I meant to point that out, why do you ask? – travel to Mrs. Venomous’ hometown of San Diego to take on the Aztecs of SD State.

Coach Brady Hoke is no longer there, having migrated to Michigan, and he’s been replaced by former New Mexico coach Rocky Long.&#160 But they still have a helluva quarterback (Ryan Lindley) and a helluva running back (Ronnie Hillman), and they damned near beat the Frogs at Amon Carter last year.&#160 However, Vegas has the Frogs as a four-point favorite.

I think that’s bogus.&#160 I think TCU loses this game, and it won’t be that close.&#160 You think SMUT bombed ’em out of the stadium? SD’s offense is better.

Also Saturday, it’s the annual…ahem…

VENOMOUS:&#160 RED RIVER SHOOTOUT, YOU PC PANSY-ASSED DOUCHEBAGS!!!1!!ONE!1!!ELEVENMILLIONTY!!1!

KORRIOTH:&#160 Feel better now, m’liege?

VENOMOUS:&#160 Why…yes.&#160 Yes, I do.&#160

…in which Bob Stoops’ 3rd-ranked Oklahoma Sooners (Great Honkin’ Cthulu&#153, how bad do you gotta beat someone to keep a ranking around here?) take on Widdle Mackie Brown’s (hack, spit) 11th-ranked TU Shortdicks Longhorns Shortdicks.&#160 The major news this week for whom, was the announcement of the departure of one Garrett Gilbert.

Imagine.&#160 From playing in the BCS National Championship Game two years ago, to being ejected out the third-string chute last week.&#160 How the mighty have fallen.&#160

Early reports have Gilbert possibly headed to…SMUT.&#160 (Please, Lord, please&#160 make that happen.&#160 Little Junie Jones’d start him over Padron, and we’d kill ‘im…(cackle))

Things don’t get much easier for Bo Pelini’s 14th-ranked Nebraska Cornhuskers, as The&#160 Ohio State University comes a-callin’ up in Lincoln.

Believe it or not, Vegas is actually making the Huskers an 11&#189-point favorite in this game.&#160 But NU doesn’t have a secondary either, so don’t exactly etch that in stone, if you know what I mean.

And this week, Tony “El Choko” Romo is guaranteed not to lose the game for his team.

OZY McCOOL:&#160 The usual reason, m’lord?

VENOMOUS:&#160 The usual reason, Ozy.&#160 Cowgirlz don’t play this week.

MERLIN:&#160 Plug Kansas back in for a game, sir?

VENOMOUS:&#160 Kansas is a 31&#189-point road dog at Oklahoma State, Wizard.&#160 Whaddya you&#160 t’ink?

MERLIN:&#160 Shutting up now, m’liege…

VENOMOUS:&#160 Thank you.

We’re back Monday or so with the recap.&#160 In the meantime, Bucky’s reward for destroying Nebraska is an off week, so my question for HDD is…dude, you ever gonna get a day off again?

No, I didn’t watch the debate last night – I have better things to do with my time.

Like, say, watching grass grow.

But I’m reading this recap of the thing, and I’m thinking…we as a country are over $14 extra-ginormous-large (that’s “trillion” for you douchebags in the Church of the SubTarded) in debt; our economy is on the verge of complete collapse; we’re seeing, right before our very eyes, the beginnings of civil unrest; we have people entrusted to be our voice in Washington who would rather show their junk to 17-year-old girls while their wives are elsewhere – and we’re asking our presidential candidates whether they prefer deep dish or thin crust?!?!?

UPDATE: I forgot to add what may be the most important point. I had been considering tossing my support to Herman Cain after the first debate, but I have to completely abandon him after he answered the key question of the evening by saying he endorses Chicago style deep dish pizza over the New York, thin crust variety. Too bad, Herman. You were looking pretty good up until then.

Great.&#160 Honkin’.&#160 Cthulu.&#160

ITEM:&#160 Ed “Sergeant” Schultz yesterday called radio host Laura Ingraham a “right-wing alut”.

ED SCHULTZ (02:52): And what do the Republicans thinking about? They’re not thinking about their next-door neighbor. They’re just thinking about how much this is going to cost. President Obama is going to be visiting Joplin, Mo., on Sunday but you know what they’re talking about, like this right-wing slut, what’s her name?, Laura Ingraham? Yeah, she’s a talk slut. You see, she was, back in the day, praising President Reagan when he was drinking a beer overseas. But now that Obama’s doing it, they’re working him over.

Now, to their credit, (P)MSNBC has “suspended” the fat fuck for a week (they’re painting it as though it was Schultz’s idea).

But I would pay real money if that fat-assed son-of-a-bitch were to say it to Mr.&#160 Ingraham’s face.&#160 That’d be better than any MMA or UFC match.

You’re a chickenshit, Edwina.&#160 Come down to Texas and spew that BS to my&#160 face and see what happens, pussy.

Babalu Blog is calling for a boycott of Rolling Stone Birdcage Liner Magazine because they’re once again slandering the US military serving over in Afghanistan.

My question:&#160 Why would we not be boycotting this colostomy bag of a publication anyway, just out of principle?

The Daily Caller is reporting that the Huffington’s Yeast Infection Post, a weblog notorious for slanderous, lying ad hominem&#160 attacks on conservatives, has banned columns written by Andrew Breitbart from appearing on their front page…

for making ad hominem attacks directed at Color of Change co-founder Van Jones in an interview published earlier on Thursday by The Daily Caller.

Breitbart called Jones, who resigned from his position in the Obama administration following a series of revelations, including that he had once signed a 9-11 “truther” petition, ”a cop killer-supporting, racist, demagogic freak. And a commie. And an eco-fraudster.”

In other news (hat tip:&#160 DC commenter “dez1”)…the KKK reportedly has banned membership for blacks.&#160 (Shock of shocks, yeah – I know.)

Well, Denizens, what damnfool notions are coming out of the mind of Garry Trudeau Mr. Jane Pauley today?

Let’s have a look, shall we…?

Well, Garry-anne, there’s a slight difference between your ragheaded butt-buddies flying planes into the World Trade Center & the Pentagon, and 80 to 100 million Americans owning guns.

One was an act of war on this country.&#160 An attempt to bring this country to its knees.&#160 You know – your unstated objective for as long as you’ve been drawing that piss-poor “art” of yours?

The other is covered by the Supreme Law of the Land – the United States Constitution.

You know – that document with which you and your fellow libtard pussies like to wipe your asses?

So Mr. Jane Pauley believes in little green men from Cthulu-knows-where.

Which, for us, explains why he also swears by gun control.&#160 Nice.

Dumbass.

So back on Friday, the news that Keithy-weefy Olberman has jumped shark and severed his contract with the illustrious (P)MSNBC.  Just when things were going soooooo welll.  Not.

Even the Associated Piss found out that (P)MSNBC and Keithy-weefy weren’t BFFs.

Keith Olbermann’s exit from MSNBC appeared abrupt to viewers of his show, but the TV news commentator and his network were involved “in a relationship that’s been failing for a long time,” an NBC Universal executive said Saturday.

Sounds like the execs at the network were tired of cleaning up the trash Keithy-weefy caused from all of his barking moonbat excrement.

Olbermann was nearly fired in November but instead was suspended for two days without pay for violating an NBC News policy by donating to the political campaigns of three Democratic candidates, including the congressional campaign of Arizona Rep. Gabrielle Giffords. He returned and apologized to his fans, but not the network.

Gee, guess that kinda confirms that the execs decided they weren’t gonna play janitor no more.

I have a couple of theories on the the REAL reason Keithy-weefy is now finding himself in the unemployment line.

First, Keithy-weefy was SOOOOOOOOO sure he was getting the well-used leather chair over at the Communist News Network and fill the spot recently vacated by another old dude that when CNN announced that the spot was filled by Piers Morgan ol’ Keithy-weefy didn’t understand the irony that just bitchslapped him.

Second, and more probable IMHO, is that he knew The Onion was about to start up their news show this week and just could not bear the thought of giving them volumes of free material to work with that he had to get outta town before the last stagecoach departed. Yup, The Onion News Network is kicking off it’s cable show this Friday the 28th at 9pm ET on IFC.

Finally, all I gotta say is “BUH BYE Keithy-weefy.” That’s one less progressive screaming his mantra on the airwaves.

ThatIsAll™

Well, except for two things, Trudeau, you dumbassed pissweasel:

1) Neither Anita Hill nor her so-called “collaborators”, as you call them, have EVER&#160 been anything even remotely&#160 resembling “credible”, and

2) Clarence Thomas never committed anything even remotely&#160 resembling perjury.

Epic Fail&#153 on both&#160 counts, Trudeau, you bedwetting little shit-for-brains.

The Dullest Moaning Snooze is off the blogroll.

This is why.

I will no longer link to bastards & pussies who don the editorial kneepads for a jugeared son-of-a-crack-whore-bitch.&#160 I don’t give two flying fucks whether it’s the illegal Kenyan fucktoid or&#160 Mr. Sanctuary City.

Fuck you, DMN.&#160 I’ve bought my last copy of your birdcage liner, as well.

Asswipes.