Local time where you're at. ("Where you're at"?)

In Super Bowl XIII, it was Fred Swearingen & a phantom pass interference call on Benny Barnes.

In Super Bowl XL, it was Bill Leavy’s crew and a phantom Ben Roethelisberger touchdown – one that the entire city of Seattle still maintains never happened.

In Super Bowl XLIII, it was Terry McAulay’s crew and a phantom Santonio Holmes touchdown catch to give his team a gift win over the Arizona Cardinals.&#160 You still can’t convince me that Holmes got both feet down.

The point?

Pathetic-burgh is just like the New England Pansies – they can’t win without officiating help.

Therefore, you can take it to the bank:&#160 If Lombardi’s trophy is handed to the Rooney family today, it’ll be because it was another 11-on-18 “Steal”er circle-jerk.

Because as tough as “Pits”-burgh thinks it is – the fact is that it can’t win without help.

Green Bay 31, Pittsburgh 14.

UPDATE:&#160 What did I fucking tell you?&#160 Shitsburgh holds on every damned play and it doesn’t get called, but a phantom facemask penalty on a Packer punt led to the “Steal”ers’ second TD.&#160 Swung the momentum 180 degrees.

Now GB’ll be lucky to hang on.

Update the 2nd:&#160 Shitsburgh misses a 52-yard field goal attempt.&#160 That’s&#160 the Shawn Suisham we all know & love!&#160

Update the 3rd:&#160 And again&#160 Green Bay gets screwed by the officiating – and this time replay gave ’em a reach-around, as well – on a reception/fumble/recovery that was ruled incomplete.

Now the penalties are coming fast & furious for GB.&#160 The NFL has already decided who they want to win.

Update the Finalth:&#160 GB held on and denied the NFL its prize.

31-28 25.

Phew.

Denizens, remember The Receiver Formerly Known As Chad Johnson&#153?

Yeah, this guy.

Two years ago, Johnson gave himself the moniker — a reference in Spanish to his No. 85 — and put it on the back of his uniform before a game. Quarterback Carson Palmer ripped it off before the kickoff. After the season, coach Marvin Lewis — who dislikes Johnson’s attention-getting stunts — referred to the receiver as “Ocho Psycho.”

Well, guess what?&#160 Now that the novelty’s worn off, now that people have finally started giving him the rolled-eyes treatment, now that he’s finally an average player on a piss-poor team…the light’s finally come on in that skull-still-full-o’-mush of his, common sense has finally taken hold…and he’s changing his name back.

Chad Johnson is making a comeback. Three years after changing his last name to Ochocinco, the man born Chad Javon Johnson will be going back to his given surname.

“I’ve done enough with Ochocinco,” the former Mr. Johnson told ESPN’s Trey Wingo. Yes, like having the least productive stretch of his career since the name change became official.

What with being a not-all-that-and-a-bag-o’-chips-type player ‘n all – in other words, being unable to walk his talk, he’s finally realized that he’d best snap out of it before he becomes a bigger joke than he already is.

Welcome back to the Real World&#153, Chad.&#160 Some of us, of course, never did buy in to that “Ochocinco” bullshit – we’ve just been waiting for you to rejoin us, is all.

…I don’t have to put up with Moochelle’s Wookiee stench in two weeks.

Thank you, Green Bay.

Now if you can just handle Pathetics-burgh and the seven zebras they’re gonna bring with ’em in two weeks…

ITEM:&#160 T-sip U. the other day inked a 20-year, $300 extra-large (that’s million&#160 to those of you in the Church of the SubTarded) contract with the four-lettered Mickey Mouse outfit (that’d be “ESPN” to the aforementioned SubTarded) to broadcast TU athletic events.

UT President William Powers Jr. said the agreement, which also involves IMG College, a company that handles marketing and licensing for the university, will create 50 to 100 network jobs based at Royal-Memorial Stadium, fund some academic initiatives and further cement the university’s sports brand, already one of the most lucrative in the nation.

”We see this as a very important part of sort of continuing to reinvent the models through which we do business,” Powers said. “This is reflective of being much more creative in how public higher education positions itself as we go forward, even aside from the athletics.”

LORD VENOMOUS’ REACTION:&#160 Well, they have to meet the player payroll somehow.

(NOTE:&#160 The above is my First Amendment-protected opinion.&#160 TU attorneys – you can turn it sideways and go fuck yourselves with it.)

If Gary Patterson doesn’t get fooled by a Smurf Turf Eff-head State fake punt a year ago, this is TCU v. Auburn we’re watching tonight.

Memo to Smurf Turf Dickweed State:

We&#160 beat them 47-7.

In their own fucking backyard.

And&#160 we didn’t have to use trick plays to get there, either.

Yeah, I think we’re a helluva lot better than you pussies.&#160 We&#160 don’t lose to teams like Nevada.

Turn out the lights – the party really is&#160 over now.

“Dandy Don” Meredith has passed.

He was well known as the Cowboys’ first winning quarterback, i.e. he ran the team the first time they posted a winning record.&#160 And he was already well-known in Dallas as SMU’s quarterback.&#160 But his fame (notoriety?) took off a couple years after he retired – for that’s when he became the third man in the triumvirate of announcers doing ABC’s Monday Night Football, opposite Frank Gifford & Howard Cosell.&#160 And America became enamored with the song:

Turn out the lights

The party’s over

They say that

All good things must end

Call it tonight

The party’s over

And tomorrow starts

The same old thing again

Goodnight, Dandy Don.&#160 You left us too soon.

Didja see this?

And the final from Reno, NV:

#3 Smurf Turf Bullshit State 31, at #19 Nevada 34

It is a Perfect Football Weekend&#153 already.&#160 I don’t give a shit what&#160 the rest of my teams do.

Woo-Fuckin’-Hoo!!!!!&#160

UPDATE:&#160 ESPN showed one of the Wolfpack touchdowns coming off what looked like a double reverse (though it coulda been just a single – I only got one look at it).

Memo to Chrissy Peterson:&#160 Live by the trick play, die by the trick play, you dumbass.

Couldn’t happen to a nicer team.&#160

Kirk Herbstreit wouldn’t know pass interference if it bit him on his swishy ass.

UPDATE:&#160 2nd idle thought:&#160 A&M can mug Nebraska with fucking impunity, yet Nebraska can’t so much as breathe&#160 on the Aggie-ettes without drawing a flag.&#160 Eleven-on-eighteen is still&#160 not a fair fight.

3rd idle thought:&#160 TCU would kick A&M’s ass up the field and back down.&#160 These pussies in maroon ain’t quite the hot shits that they think.

(Via BaD Radio over at the ticket)

Babe Laufenberg & Bill Jones over at KTVT Channel 11 in Dallas are reporting (via Twitter) that Coach Stay-Puf, Wade Phillips, has been shown the door after yet another miserable loss, this time to the Packers at Green Bay, 7-45.

More later in the PFW mega-recap, plus a link when it becomes available.

For now…

UPDATE:&#160 And as promised…the link.

Jason “Red-Headed Jesus Genius” Garrett takes over on an interim basis, i.e. the rest of the season.&#160 Whereupon Owner Jethro will immdiately hire someone else on whom the other 31 teams passed, who will in turn spare all of us to death.

The more things change…

There will be NO&#160 communiques from the Southern Command&#153 of any&#160 type for at least the next three weeks.

I trust I make myself clear.

The Vicar has been told that on Sunday evening he may not watch his TV shows. It seems that his better half has this irrational addiction to some sort of game in which 22 guys fight over a pigskin bladder. Apparently something called the NFL Pre-season begins this week.

I ask you what is more important, watching a bunch of guys fight over a ball, or watching some “real men”(and one woman) wrestle big rigs up the Dalton to Prudhoe Bay?

🙂

First, the Dallas C’girlz made it a point to say that they were going to make a big splash in free agency.

During combine, owner Jerry Jones predicted next season’s roster could feature 10 or more new players and talked about current players competing for playing time. Changes will come through free agency, draft or players already in organizations.

Then free agency started, and the ‘Girlz did a sit-by-the-phone bit while big-name free agents signed with other teams.

Now it doesn’t seem to be that much of a concern for Owner Jethro (hat tip once again to the Startlegram’s Gil LeBreton).

No one is better than Jerry Jones at providing a Jerry Jones-ism to describe the Cowboys’ approach thus far in the NFL’s uncapped year.

“There’s no angst about getting anxious here,” the Cowboys owner said. “We’re just watching it unfold.”

“We’re pleased with what we have in place with the Dallas Cowboys,” Jones said, “but if you look at our past several years, we’ve never jumped right out there in free agency.

“The last several years, we haven’t been big off the bat right out front.

Yeah, well – the last several years, the C’girls also haven’t been major players on the field – particularly so during, y’know Jerry, the playoffs.

I could&#160 be wrong here, but I’d venture to guess there’s something of a correlation.&#160 Particularly for a team that hasn’t been accused of drafting that well since Jimmy left.

Now, the Cowboys may – at some point – get to play the Super Bowl when it’s Arlington’s turn to host it.

Based on what I’ve seen so far, though, I’d say it won’t be this year.

Tom Brookshier passed away Saturday night at the age of 78.&#160 Those of The Six Or Seven&#153 who have followed football for any length of time will remember that, before John Madden, Pat Summerall teamed with Brookshier to form CBS’ #1 broadcast team during the 1970s – back when CBS had the rights to the NFC, including the Dallas C’boys.

Brookshier had a memorable interview, speaking of the ‘Boys, with Dallas running back/enigma Duane Thomas, who answered only one of Brookshier’s questions, and that with only one word – “Evidently” (when asked if Thomas really was as fast as advertised).

Which is, of course, why the Dullest Moaning Snooze&#160 elected to focus on the interview, rather than on Brookshier.

Tom Brookshier, who died Friday night at the age of 78, was a two-time Pro Bowl cornerback for the Philadelphia Eagles. But he was perhaps most recognized as an NFL commentator.

Usually teamed with Pat Summerall, Brookshier was the lead commentator on CBS’ NFL games for almost two decades.

One of the signature moments in his broadcasting career came courtesy of a former Dallas Cowboys running back – Duane Thomas, who had a strained relationship with the media.

Thomas had refused to talk to the media in the week leading up to Dallas’ 24-3 win over Miami in Super Bowl VI. After the Cowboys’ win, Brookshier stood next to the running back, talking about his speed and building up to this question: “Are you that fast?”

“Evidently,” Thomas replied.

But there was another Thomas gem from that week. Asked just before the game if the Super Bowl is the ultimate game, Thomas replied with a question: “If it’s the ultimate game, how come they’re playing it again next year?”

Thomas scored the first touchdown at Texas Stadium in 1971. He played just two seasons in Dallas, rushing for 803 yards as a rookie and 793 the following year.

He was known more for his feud with management over contract disputes and his run-ins with head coach Tom Landry.

He scored a touchdown in the Cowboys’ 16-13 loss to the Baltimore Colts in Super Bowl V and was involved in a controversial play in that game, fumbling at the 1-yard line. Though the Cowboys appeared to come away with the ball after the fumble, official ruled the Colts had recovered.