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To kick off the weekend, we bring you this commencement “address” from the Ayatollah.&#160 (Or not.)

Enjoy.&#160

(Hat tip Gateway Pundit.)

Yet more of the Tolerant Left&#153.

I could only make it through the first minute before the Red Curtain O’ Blood&#153 set in.&#160 Perhaps you’ll have better luck.

It’s a damned good thing I wasn’t there at the Correspondents’ Dinner.&#160 There would have been some guaran-damn-teed Ass Kickage-ery&#153 going down – starting with that female impersonator who greeted the Rumsfelds at the door and going from there.

And no – I’m not&#160 kidding, nor am I practicing hyperbole.&#160 That ass-clownish bitch would have hit the floor with a broken jaw two seconds after opening her skanky piehole.

Code Pinko and the rest of you Short-Bus leftards, take heed:&#160 You’re running out of room to push us before the Shit Hits The Fan&#153.

Trust me – you don’t&#160 want that to happen.

I am advised that Denizen & fellow blogger Alan K. Henderson will not be seeing the Star Trek&#160 movie until this weekend.

As the “Klingon Missing” vignette is based in large part on a scene from that movie, I will be postponing said vignette until Alan’s had a chance to go see the flick.

ThatIsAll&#153.

(This one will stay on top all day.&#160 Look below for new posts – today only.

And HDD – I don’t wanna hear it, okay?&#160 I already know what you think of all this.&#160 This is more for me than for anyone else.)

—

(ED. NOTE:&#160 The following originally appeared in this space a couple of years ago.&#160 I’m reprinting it now, with appropriate tweaks.

I do love you, son.&#160 I realize your mother and grandparents will try mightily to persuade you that I don’t – but I do, very much.&#160 Someday – hopefully – I’ll get to tell you to your face.)

As most of you have probably figured out by now, this is my boy – or, as Denizen David Hartung has called him, “Spatula II”.

Hmmmm.&#160 “Prince Spatula II”.&#160 Kinda has a ring to it. (grin)

(Side note:&#160 Certain excuses-for-humans in East Texas still&#160 don’t know how I got ahold of this picture.&#160 Bet it’d be a shock to them to know that some of their “friends” aren’t quite&#160 as reliable as they’d thought… (snicker))

Anyway, today’s his 7th birthday.&#160 It’s the latest in a series of birthdays I’ll never get to see.

It occurs to me that I need to again tell you guys what eventually happened with his (*hack, spit*) mother (*hack, spit*) not allowing me to see him.&#160 (Yes, I realize you’ve probably heard it all before – humor me, okay?)

That was resolved, and not necessarily for my benefit, either – but at the very least, neither will she&#160 benefit.&#160 In fact, if you get down to brass tacks about the whole thing, the real loser here is Skip himself.&#160 Anyway, here’s the story:

The divorce was granted October 17th, 2003.&#160 A visitation schedule had already been negotiated and agreed to – in fact, I’ve blogged on that already.

Picking the story up from there:&#160 I started making the specified trips to Greenville, Texas, for the purposes of collecting Skip for his agreed-to visitation with me.&#160 Collected evidence that I was there and everything.

Naturally, She Who Can’t Be Tasked To Obey Court Orders&#153 refused to show.

So I took my evidence and filed a criminal complaint against her.&#160 What is not commonly known is that it’s a criminal offense to interfere with child custody rights in Texas.&#160 It’s what they call a “state jail felony”, lodged right in there between a Class A misdemeanor and a 3rd-degree felony.

And, had the District Attorney of Hopkins County, TX, had the balls to pursue the complaint, things could have gotten very&#160 bad for our favorite fat-assed bitch.&#160 You tell me&#160 what school district would’ve wanted to consciously hire a convicted felon?

But – as I had partially expected and fully feared – the good ol’ boy network in Sulphur Springs kicked in.&#160 The district attorney not only sat on his hands regarding the case, but I strongly suspect he tipped off Steffi’s excuse-for-an-attorney about it.

Said excuse-for-an-attorney began to harass me concerning an obscure concept called a “transistion scheme”.&#160 Theoretically, because of the so-called “estrangement” between me and my son, they wanted to get him “used” to having me around again gradually, in stages.

Of course, they failed to point out that: a) Her Doublewide Assness caused&#160 any “estrangement”, and b) during the two times in 2003 this trollop was gracious enough to let me see him, he sure as Hell™ didn’t look&#160 “estranged” from me.

But something else&#160 they failed to do…is incorporate the words “transition scheme” in the final divorce decree.&#160 As a result, what was&#160 in there were dates specific and time periods specific when I was entitled to have my boy.

Dates and times specific which they ignored without fear of penalty whatsoever, as they had the district attorney in their back pocket.

Eventually, however, the evidence mounted to the point where they had to do something, else the DA would have no choice but to prosecute, lest someone in the media take note and launch an investigation (and yes, I was beginning to contact media types for just this purpose).

I was served in February with papers requesting that the judge in the original case modify the visitation schedule to include the words “transition scheme” and start with the gradual shit again.&#160 In other words, Denizens – she wanted a do-over.

I hired an attorney in Sulphur Springs (who, thank Gawd&#153, was more competent than the loon I’d had previously), paid him another&#160 year’s bonus, and got him to work.&#160 We filed a counterclaim accusing her of contempt of court by failing to abide by the letter of the original agreement.

They countered with the only thing they could’ve – and the thing I was hoping they wouldn’t:&#160 A contempt charge of their own for failure to pay support.

See, this loon I’d hired previously had assured me that the court would set up a garnishment schedule for the child support.&#160 Naturally – maybe this is the good ol’ boy system, or just sheer incompetence on their part – the court never set it up.

As a result, Steffi the Doublewide Bitch Supreme never got a penny from me.&#160 So yes – they had a case.&#160 Marginally.&#160 But it was&#160 a case, by the letter of the law.

This put me in the position of very likely being found in contempt of court, put on probation, forced to check in with a probation officer every month (and pay a $40 fee for the “privilege”)…and, were I to miss checking in or paying the fee by so much as one day, a warrant could be issued for my arrest.

By this time, I’m making plans to marry the Lady Spatula and possibly move to Miami.&#160 Therefore, I can’t have this hanging over my head.&#160 And I’ll be damned&#160 if I was going to let Her Bitchiness control me in this fashion.

With that in mind, my attorney recommended – and I was forced to agree – to deploy what I call the “nuclear option”.&#160 It’s so-called because it’s the option no one wants to see deployed, since it blows up everything.

The option:&#160 Complete termination of all parental rights to Skip.&#160 Meaning, I would no longer have any say in his upbringing, nor rights to see him any more…nor would I owe any child support, back or future.

My attorney explained it this way:&#160 All that it amounts to is just a sheet of paper.&#160 And whether I had rights to my son or not, Her Doublewideness would have him most of the time, and she & her family would constantly be poisoning his mind against me.&#160 This way, the bitch would lose her control over my life – and, after a few years, if he wanted to seek me out, she would be powerless to stop him, and I could then tell him my&#160 side of the story.

I deliberated for about half a nanosecond.

“Do it”, I said.

Termination – which the aforementioned loon in Forney, TX said I couldn’t possibly&#160 get – was granted March 30th, 2004.

So that’s it, guys.&#160 The bitch finally accomplished her objective – she forcibly extracted me from his life.

And it’s gotten to the point where I can’t even send him presents or cards any longer.&#160 They have become so fucking small-minded that Her Doublewideness’ fat-assed son-of-a-bitch daddy is even refusing to accept the presents I send to him.

(Most of them, anyway.&#160 I don’t get the rejection notices from Wally World like I used to, but who’s to say that the bastards over there don’t take what I send and just throw it in the trash?&#160 It would&#160 be just like them, if one thinks about it.)

No doubt the lot of ’em will lie to my son like they usually do and say that I don’t even care about him enough to send him so much as a card.&#160 It’s what I’ve come to expect from a bunch of country hick-asses who were willing to lie to a judge and violate other Texas laws to get such a simple thing as a divorce.

Enjoy him now, O Fat-Assed One.&#160 You’ll have a helluva&#160 lot to answer for down the road – and not just with him when he grows up, either.

Chew on that&#160 for a while, bitch.

Anyway, happy birthday, Skip.&#160 I’m sorry you didn’t get a chance to enjoy the presents I’ve tried to send you.&#160 Someday – when they can’t dictate to you where you can go and whom you can meet – I’ll get to at least give you some of them.

Always remember son – I love you.&#160 And I will, forever.

[ED. NOTE:&#160 This multi-part vignette is being cut short so that the Realm&#153 Players can bring you another short story immediately following.]

[SCENE:&#160 The corridors of Pegasus.&#160 Admiral Darth Venomous has made the horrific realization that the Worf-class Bird of Prey’s main computer has been infected with Windoze Vista&#153 and is the cause behind the degradation of the antimatter containment field.&#160 He uses the Force&#153 to catapult himself towards Main Engineering at breakneck speed in desperate hopes of shutting down the main processor by whatever means may be necessary, before containment completely collapses, resulting in the fiery destruction of the vessel.

Cut to Engineering, where Chief Engineer Ozymandias McCool, having received the frantic directive from Venomous to do whatever he had to do in order to disable the main computer, had procured a phaser and was firing near-blindly into whatever control panels even remotely looked like they might contain isolinear chips.

Cut back to the rapidly-approaching Venomous.&#160 Fifteen feet from the engineering section, the ship suffers a massive jolt and a huge explosion blows the entry doors outward, catching Venomous flush before he can use the Force&#153 to deflect them aside and knocking him backward 30 feet before coming to rest on him.&#160 The last thing we see are the lights going out on deck through the Sith Lord’s eyes as we fade to black.]

OFFSTAGE VOICE #1:&#160 Admiral…?&#160 Admiral, can you hear us?

OFFSTAGE VOICE #2:&#160 M’lord, wake up, please&#160 wake up…

OFFSTAGE VOICE #1:&#160 Looks like he might be coming around.

OFFSTAGE VOICE #2:&#160 Admiral, can you hear us?&#160 Admiral…?

[Fade in gradually.&#160 Things are a blur, as we still see things through the eyes of Lord Venomous.&#160 Clarity & definition are slow in returning, however, then fades back to black as the Admiral re-closes his eyes.]

VENOMOUS:&#160 …uhhhhhhhh…unnnnnnhhh…

[Cut to third-party external view.&#160 SCENE:&#160 the medical wing of Realm&#153 Spacedock.&#160 Realm&#153 Fleet Medical Officer Cmdr. Carlisle Pepper and Supreme General Rayegun hover over the fallen Sith Lord, deep-seated concern only now leaving their faces as the Admiral has shown signs of coming back to life.

RAYEGUN:&#160 He gonna be okay, Doc?

PEPPER:&#160 I think so, yes, General.&#160 His powers of recuperation are quite extraordinary.

RAYEGUN:&#160 Excellent.&#160 I should not have liked to lose both the Admiral and&#160 Chief Engineer McCool in the same day.&#160 Too many others gave their lives today aboard that bird as it is.

PEPPER:&#160 Quite.&#160 On the other hand, had Commander McCool not used his phaser to destroy Pegasus’&#160 main computer, the death toll could have been much&#160 higher.&#160 Will you be assuming day-to-day command and handling the notifications of next-of-kin, General?

RAYEGUN:&#160 Not quite yet, Doctor.&#160 McCool had no family we know of, but I don’t want to consider him completely gone until the Admiral has had a chance to make that decision.&#160 Lord Venomous always has a trick or two up his sleeve that I don’t know about, so keep McCool’s body in stasis until then.&#160 As for day-to-day ops, someone has to handle things until His Rudeness gets back on his feet, so it might as well be me.&#160 How long is&#160 he gonna be there, Doc?

PEPPER:&#160 He’s made incredible progress thus far, General, but he still has a ways to go.&#160 The concussion of the blast, plus the doors falling on him took their toll, and he isn’t as young as he used to be.

RAYEGUN:&#160 He isn’t as young as anyone&#160 used to be, Doc.

PEPPER (suppressing a grin):&#160 Of course, General.&#160 He should be up & around before too long, I’d say.

RAYEGUN:&#160 Good.&#160 Keep me advised, Doctor; I’ll be in Ops continuing the investigation, should you need me.

PEPPER:&#160 Thank you, General.

[Rayegun exits the med wing as we fade out.]

—

The whole purpose of this vignette was to announce the recent installation of Windoze Vista on the Big Box&#153.&#160 However, while performance on my primary machine was mostly postitive, certain functions of Vista were sufficiently pathetic to warrant a return to XP.

Along the way during this two-month sequence, I lost, then subsequently regained the data from my twin 40-gig IDE hard drives, which contained pretty much everything I had in the way of critical stuff – music, tax records, email spanning 10 or so years, backups to the system, that sort of thing.

The system’s now screaming like a banshee running XP SP3 on a 32-gig solid-state SATA hard drive, one of six brand-spanking-new hard drives populating the Big Box&#153.

Schweetness.

NEXT: One of our Klingons is missing… (for real, this time – UPDATE:&#160 After the obligatory May 13th post, that is.)

Take everything you know, might know or even think&#160 you know about the universe of Trek – and chuck it out the airlock.

Just to give you an idea, one of the Federation’s major planets (I won’t tell you which one, in case you’ve not yet seen it) goes the way of the humpback whale circa the 21st century.&#160 (One hint:&#160 it’s going to create a major&#160 problem for the Realm&#153, and I’m already working on the screenplay.)

Chris Pine is very good as the young James T. Kirk, and Zach Quinto is so convincing as Spock that you swear they really did shoot Nimoy out the photon tube into the Genesis planet and this is how he came out.&#160 Karl Urban was Teh Very Essence&#153 of Leonard “Bones” McCoy, although I guran-damn-tee you that, if they had decided to write Gary Mitchell (“Where No Man Has Gone Before”) into the script, Urban’s a dead ringer.

Zoe Saldana was a very snarky Uhura – which is a good thing, because Nyota could be most snarky when she chose to be.&#160 Simon Pegg’s “Scotty”, frankly, sounds Irish, Anton Yelchin lays the accent on a bit thick as Chekov, and John Cho has a moment or two as Sulu.

(Well, at least he’s not a heterophobe.&#160 That we know of, anyway.)

Eric Bana’s portrayal of the futuristic nemesis Nemo was a bit over the top, if you ask me, but as the storyline unfolds, one could argue that his character had good reason.&#160 It makes for an interesting conflict.

MERLIN:&#160 Perhaps he was “finding Nemo”, hm?

VENOMOUS:&#160 Oh, do&#160 shut up.&#160

Nimoy had significantly more than a cameo or a bit part in the movie, and there’s an interesting twist at the end you’ll not want to miss.

The Constitution-class Enterprise itself has been completely redesigned, although for my money, I’ll still take the 1701-A vintage.&#160 The special effects were, as you might expect, spectacular – worth the price of admission by themselves, if you ask me.

There are several “easter eggs” and tips-o’-the-hat to the old series, right down to the sound of the transporter (although they overdid it a bit on the appearance – you’ll see what I mean) and a couple of lines uttered by both McCoy & Scott that you’ll get a kick out of.

Lots of stars.&#160 Joe Bob says “check it out”.

NEXT:&#160 One of our Klingons is missing…

Just another example of the Tolerant Left&#153.

Best to stay with your kind, trollop.&#160 Spew that bullshit around me, and I won’t be responsible for what happens next.

I have seen the new chronicles the new Star Trek flick.&#160 Review coming shortly.

Suffice to say, though, that JJ Abrams cares little for Trek canon.

Crunchie & Jackboot over at the Rott are reporting that what look to be the first shots (figuratively speaking, of course) in the War On Our Sovereignty&#153 appear to have been fired.

And, as Jackboot states:

And so it begins in earnest. As our Imperial Sniper™ and I have discussed. The scumbag socialist sycophants of Saul Alinsky’s cabana boy will actually push it themselves. All we have to do is prepare, sit back and let them do it.

It’s coming, Denizens.&#160 And sooner than you think.

People’s Exhibit Number 717,468 of how the leftist media is in the tank for the Ayatollah:

Idle thought:&#160 When the SHTF&#153, the first lampposts should probably be reserved for the media.

It is hardly a secret, Denizens, that the George Bushes that bookended Kaiser Wilhelm von Slickmeister all but ruined the Republican Party.&#160 Bush the Elder&#153 raised taxes by half a billion dollars, and Shrubya couldn’t keep his grubby hands off the supposed&#160 generated excess.&#160 Together, they destroyed the conservative movement started by Ronaldus Magnus.

Now, along comes Jebidiah Bush, He Who Wouldn’t Lift A Finger To Save Terri Schiavo&#153 himself, saying we need to leave President Reagan behind.

Former Florida Gov. Jeb Bush said Saturday that it’s time for the Republican Party to give up its “nostalgia” for the heyday of the Reagan era and look forward, even if it means stealing the winning strategy deployed by Democrats in the 2008 election.

So what you’re saying, then, Jebidiah, is that you favor us forming an ACORN-style group and forging signatures of real – and imagined – people, football players, comic book characters and the like?&#160 You’d support smuggling illegal aliens across the border and signing them up to vote?&#160 It’s okay if we smear Demoscummic HQ door knobs with virii, like they did to us some time back?&#160 Those the kind of things you talking about, Jebbie boy?

“You can’t beat something with nothing, and the other side has something. I don’t like it, but they have it, and we have to be respectful and mindful of that,” Mr. Bush said.

The other side, Jebbie my boy, has outright lies, sexual innuendo and old, tired, Communist-laden bullshit.&#160 And ou want us to be “respectful” of that?

“So our ideas need to be forward looking and relevant. I felt like there was a lot of nostalgia and the good old days in the [Republican] messaging. I mean, it’s great, but it doesn’t draw people toward your cause,” Mr. Bush said.

“From the conservative side, it’s time for us to listen first, to learn a little bit, to upgrade our message a little bit, to not be nostalgic about the past because, you know, things do ebb and flow.”

Oh, you mean back in the past when Republicans stood for conservatism and were winning elections, eh, Jebidiah?

And you wonder why it’ll be a Cold Day In Hell&#153 before you or anyone else in your family attain high elected office again&#160

Scandal!!!

Or hero worship, take your pick.&#160

Michelle Malkin is reporting that Jack Kemp, former Vice Presidential candidate for Bob Dole in 1996, has passed at the age of 73.

RIP, Mr. Kemp.

Great Honkin’ Cthulu.&#160 Didn’t we just leave this party???

Brett Favre was released by the New York Jets, making the quarterback a free agent if he decides to again come out of retirement.

The 39-year-old Favre, who spent one disappointing National Football League season with New York, had requested the move several weeks ago, but said he has no plans to come out of retirement for a 19th season.

“Nothing has changed,” Favre said in a statement. “At this time, I am retired and have no intention of returning to football.”

“At this time”?&#160 Meaning, of course, “check back with me in three weeks”?

Jets general manager Mike Tannenbaum also said Favre had not indicated to him any desire to come back.

Yeah, that’s what Teddy Thompson thought, too.&#160