Welcome to the Realm™ - Version 5.0...

Denizens, we launch into this week’s edition of the Perfect Football Weekend&#153 with yet another blurb from the Penn State debacle – this time with the No Cojones At All&#153 administration coming >< this close to stepping into a pile of shit up to its collective head. To wit: --- "A newly disclosed email from the NCAA's top lawyer documents just how close Penn State came to having its football program shut down due to the Jerry Sandusky child abuse scandal. It says the school's "cooperation and transparency" saved the program." --- (Sorry for the formatting - looks like WordPress is vomiting up a lot of my coding tonight.) That would be the "cooperation and transparency" into which it was browbeaten & cowed, if you'll recall. --- "The email from lawyer Donald Remy to a school attorney was attached to a court filing Thursday, as the NCAA battles with two Pennsylvania officials over penalties that were imposed on Penn State. The email establishes that on July 17, 2012, six days before the Penn State sanctions were announced, a majority on the NCAA executive committee favored the "death penalty," shutting down the football program." --- And again, this is the NCAA threatening to shut down the football program for the actions of people who weren't even employed there, simply because they had certain access to certain buildings, where they performed activities that were not even sanctioned by the university, that were eventually dealt with by school personnel in accordance with Pennsylvania law. This would be akin to Arlington Heights losing its football program for me entering the school building and performing some illegality, any illegality, that was arbitrarily & capriciously deemed to be _¡qué horrible!_ Damn good thing I'm not the PSU chancellor.&#160 My lawsuit against the NCAA would have started at ten (10) digits, and gone from there.&#160 (For the pussies in the Church of the SubTarded, that's one-extra-extra-extra-extra large, or one billion.) Once again...fuck you, NCAA. Very quickly now, on with the football.&#160 As I write this, my Arlington Heights Yellow Jackets, fresh off a perfect season, are in the bi-district playoffs against Burleson Centennial HS down south of Realm&#153 HQ, in Mansfield.&#160 As of this writing, Heights is up 7-0, so we'll keep an eye on that. Tomorrow, Gary Patterson takes his fourth-ranked TCU Horned Frogs - yes, that's right; if the season ended today, the Frogs would be in the playoffs - up to Lawrence to play Rock Chalk.&#160 The Tadpoles are a solid 28-point favorite here, so unless they lay a complete egg, I don't see them breaking _that_ much of a sweat. Sunday, Andy Dalton's Cincinnati Kittycats - fresh off that humiliation at the hands of Cleveland (Cleveland?), try to snap out of it vs. the Saints at the Superdome in N'awlins.&#160 This isn't the best place to try to snap out of a funk, but N'awlins isn't playing all that well, either (they're one game under .500), so even though they're a 7-point favorite at home, Cincy's got a shot here. Wild card games are as follows: *Oklahoma* traveling to Lubbock & taking out their Baylor frustrations on TTech (sorry, Generalette), #16 Nebraska going up to Madison to get pounded on by #20 *Wisconsin* (Joel Stave's not quite as crappy a quarterback as Tommy Armstrong), and top-ranked Mississippi State running into fifth-ranked *Alabama's* buzzsaw (sorry, Vicar). We're back next week with the recap.&#160 Maybe it'll be Monday - who knows?


Something is wrong with Andy Dalton.

Arlington Heights 67, Western Hills 0

at #6 TCU 41, #7 Kansas State 20

at Cincinnati 3, Cleveland 24

Marshall 63, at Southern Miss 17

#23 West Virginia 16, T-Sip Shortdicks Texas 33

#20 Georgia 63, at Kentucky 21

Bad enough when one team doubles-up on another.&#160 When one team triples-up

Told you Georgia was pissed, didn’t I?

I went to see Heights-Hills Friday night.&#160 Saw all I needed to see by halftime.

Which, probably not coincidentally, was probably all coach Phil Young needed to see, too.&#160 Heights could have easily – and no…I’m not embellishing this whatsoever – easily&#160 hung a hundred or more on Western Hills.&#160 Easily.

I’m serious.&#160 Hills offered damned little resistance to the Yellow Jacket offense Friday night.&#160 Third-and-25 from midfield (thanks to a penalty or two)?&#160 No sweat for quarterback Deion Hair’Griffin – throw a twenty-yard out to wideout Larry Johnson, let him do the rest.&#160 Thirty yards later…yawn, touchdown Heights, yawn.

As it was, they score a field goal in the 3rd and a touchdown in the fourth, and that was it.

TCU’s victory over K-State was remarkably easy, all things considered.&#160 Never trailed, and the Wildcats only got within seven once.

This is not your father’s Southern Miss.&#160 (Or the Vicar’s, for that matter)

The Golden Eagles just don’t lose like that.&#160 Not at home, for Cthulhu’s sake.

Damn.&#160 Just, damn.

Andy Dalton had an NFL QB rating the other night of 2.0

No, I’m not kidding.&#160 Two.&#160 Point.&#160 Oh.

But without any doubt, Dalton was awful. Look at this line and try not to cringe: 10-of-33 for 86 yards and three interceptions. That’s how you get a 2.0 passer rating. Yes, 2.0. It might be the worst performance by an NFL quarterback this season, and an inexcusable one for someone in his fourth year as a starter.

Dalton was horribly inaccurate. He threw into heavy coverage. He held the ball too long and took too many sacks. It was baffling that he wasn’t benched until Jason Campbell finally got in late in the fourth quarter. Dalton has gotten a lot of criticism for playoff failures, and he has regressed since last year. In nine games, Dalton has eight touchdowns and nine interceptions. That’s not good enough for a team that is now 5-3-1 despite some mediocre quarterback play.

I have no idea what the deal is.&#160 If this were Tony “El Choko” Romo, I’d understand; he’s had multiple&#160 games like that.

But Dalton?

OTOH, this could be a good thing.&#160 If Cincinnati dumps him after this year, I know a team that needs a serviceable backup…

This week:&#160 4-2.&#160 Overall:&#160 52-14-1.

The PFW will return Friday, as we discuss how good Heights could possibly be.


As we launch another edition of the Perfect Football Weekend, Denizens, we are compelled to revisit the railroading & virtual crucifixion of one Joseph Paterno, former Pennsylvania State University head football coach, and how he was made to account, drawn & quartered, for basically performing within the scope of his job.

In this column, we are now finding out that even the NCAA knew that it didn’t have the legal authority to hand down any sanctions on either Paterno or the PSU program.

New internal NCAA emails offer a glimpse into how the organization questioned its own decision-making leading up to the unprecedented sanctions levied against Penn State in 2012, saying at one point it was banking on the fact that the university “is so embarrassed they will do anything.”

Seven pages of emails — from July 13 to July 21, 2012 — were filed Sunday as part of a Pennsylvania state senator’s lawsuit against the NCAA.

NCAA president Mark Emmert announced the sanctions against the university July 23, 2012.

“Delicate issue, but how did PSU gain a competitive advantage by what happened?” Kevin Lennon, the NCAA vice president for academic and membership affairs, wrote July 14, 2012. “Even if discovered, reported, and actions taken immediately by the administration, not sure how this would have changed anything from a competitive advantage perspective.”

Julie Roe Lach, then the NCAA’s top enforcement officer, responded to Lennon about 75 minutes later. She told him that “Mark” — believed to be Emmert — thought Penn State did gain a competitive advantage, although she and several others disagreed with that point.

“I characterized our approach to PSU as a bluff when talking to Mark yesterday afternoon after the call,” she wrote.


“We find it deeply disturbing that NCAA officials in leadership positions would consider bluffing one of their member institutions, Penn State, to accept sanctions outside of their normal investigative and enforcement process,” the university said in a statement released Wednesday.

So, basically, the NCAA intimidated Penn State into firing JoePa and engaging in its own little bit of self-flagellation.

Now, there’s not a single one here who is saying that what Jerry Sandusky did wasn’t wrong.&#160 What I’m saying is that neither PSU nor Paterno bore any responsibility in the matter (save for State firing Paterno & turning him into some sort of pariah), and should not have been held accountable.&#160 And for the NCAA to have done exactly that, through illegal means, smacks of the worst sort of fascism.

Fuck you & the horse you rode in on, NCAA.

On with the football.&#160 Another early start to the PFW, but this time it’s Andy Dalton’s Cincinnati Bengals at home versus cross-state rival Cleveland for first place in the AFC Central.

Normally I wouldn’t give Brian Hoyer much chance on the road, but Cincy’s defense isn’t exactly the ’93 Cowboys.&#160 Game goes to whomever has the ball last.

Last game of the regular season for Phil Young and my Arlington Heights Yellow Jackets Friday evening, this one against the Western Hills Cougars (aka the Alma Mater&#153 of the First Wife&#153) – and, given what’s been done to them this year…well, call it overconfidence if you must, but Heights could play it’s third-string all game and rout these guys.

How bad is Western Hills?&#160 Their only victory is against North Side.&#160 By six points.

South Hills destroyed them on an Aledo scale, 83-7.

Trimble Tech, whom Heights smashed last week, 64-0?&#160 The week prior, they beat Hills 60-18.

This will be the first unbeaten season in football for Heights in a long time.&#160 How long?&#160 Don’t know for sure, but I think I was going there at the time.

Saturday, it’ll be Gary Patterson’s sixth-ranked TCU Horned Frogs at home versus Bill Snyder’s seventh-ranked Kansas State Wildcats.&#160 The purple team will win.

TCU needs this one.&#160 Get it, and it’s all but a fait accompli&#160 that they win the Big XII.&#160 They’re home, so I feel better than I otherwise would, but it’ll still be close.

The wildcard games this week will be Marshall at Southern Miss (sorry, Vicar), #23 West Virginia taking out their frustrations versus TU (Charlie Strong runs into another buzzsaw), and #20 Georgia destroying Kentucky (the Dawgs are not happy about losing to Florida, and the Wildcats are gonna be made to pay).

We’re back next week with a recap. With any luck, it’ll actually be Monday.


Didn’t have much time to begin with this week, frittered away what little I had, so this is all I got – results.

Arlington Heights 64, Trimble Tech 0

#7 TCU 31, #20 West Virginia 30

at Cincinnati 33, Jacksonville 23

#3 Auburn 35, at #4 Ole Miss 31

#18 Oklahoma 59, at Iowa State 14

Indiana 10, at Michigan 34

Well, it’s always nice to see that Indiana can’t beat Michigan, no matter how bad Michigan is. :-/


TCU’s a 5½-point road fave, which means it’ll come down to Jaden Overkrom, most likely.

Last play of the game.&#160 Boom.

You’re welcome.

This week:&#160 5-1.&#160 Overall:&#160 48-12-1

Quick turnaround – Cincy plays tomorrow, so I’ll be back here then.&#160 Damn if I know what the lead-in will be, but I’ll think of something.


Denizens, as we begin this edition of the Perfect Football Weekend, we are amused that Joseph “Lightfingers” Randle simply Can.&#160 Not.&#160 Keep.&#160 His.&#160 Mouth.&#160 Shut&#153.

Dallas Cowboys wide receiver Dez Bryant and running back Joseph Randle got into an argument as the media was entering the practice field Friday.

Bryant did not divulge what the argument was about when asked after practice, but a source said it was related to a comment Randle made during the running back’s arrest earlier this month in reference to a July 2012 incident involving Bryant and the receiver’s mother.


“Dez didn’t miss no games for slapping his mama,” Randle said in the video, obtained by KDFW-TV, that was taken while he was being booked after stealing underwear and a tester bottle of cologne form a Dillard’s in Frisco, Texas.

Randle was wondering aloud if he’d be suspended by the team for the shoplifting arrest.

Bastard shoulda been cut – especially after coughing up the ball the other night against the Foreskins.

In the video, Randle also made a comment about Josh Brent, who was convicted of vehicular manslaughter for his involvement in an accident that led to the death of teammate and friend Jerry Brown in 2012.

“Josh Brent, he’s still up in the locker room. He was driving drunk. That’s stupid,” Randle said.


Randle made other flippant remarks while being booked, including asking a female jail employee if she would give him a massage if he paid her $100 and asking why his height and weight were not on his mug shot.

Asshole thinks he’s a hot shit, when he’s not even among the top three running backs at Valley Ranch.


Let’s get on with the football.&#160 My Arlington Heights Yellow Jackets, having all but won District 7-5A, have to fight against a letdown tonight when they play the Trimble Tech Bulldogs here in a little bit.&#160 South Hills handled the Green & White pretty easily a couple of weeks ago, so I expect Heights to roll here.

Tomorrow afternoon, Gary Patterson’s seventh-ranked TCU Horned Frogs have what will probably be their toughest test, as they’re in Morgantown to play the 20th-ranked West Virginia Mountaineers.

How tough?&#160 WVA gave Baylor what should have been their second consecutive loss – had it not been for the LIttle Darlings&#153′ hand-picked zebras a couple weeks ago.

TCU’s a 5&#189-point road fave, which means it’ll come down to Jaden Overkrom, most likely.

Sunday, it should be a near-walkover for the Cincy Bengals, as Andy Dalton’s crew hosts the worst team in the NFL, namely the Jacksonville Jaguars.

Running back Giovani Bernard is out for the Black & Orange; hopefully, that won’t make much of a difference.&#160 AJ Green returns, though, so that should get them through.

The wildcards this week will be 18th-ranked Oklahoma taking out their frustrations on Iowa State, 3rd-ranked Auburn at 4th-ranked Ole Miss (I’m going out on a limb on this one), and Indiana for the upset special at Michigan (trust me, sportz fanz – Brady Hoke is on his way out).

With any luck, we’ll have a timely recap this week. In the meantime…the crumb-crunchers are about to start knocking at my door, so…&#160


That’ll teach me.

Arlington Heights 66, South Hills 48

at #10 TCU 82, Texas Tech 27

at Cincinnati 27, Baltimore 24

at #16 Nebraska 42, Rutgers 24

BYU 30, at Boise State 55

at #11 Kansas State 23, Texas 0

at Dallas 17, Washington Foreskins 20 (OT)

Sorry for yet another delay, Denizens.

Neither defense – Jackets or Scorpions – were all that effective.&#160 But Heights did get a couple of key stops, and that was the ball game.

After what BigamY U did to TU, I figured Smurf-Turf State wouldn’t pose a problem.

Shows what I know.

TU hasn’t been shut out in ten years, until Saturday.&#160 Charlie Strong had best turn things around in a hurry, or his tenure will be a short one.

I guess Rutgers is a little better than first thought, but the Huskers handled them in the second & third quarters.

TCU never did run the quarterback sneak (at least, not in this scribe’s memory) when Andy Dalton was here.

Baltimore knows he can, now.&#160 And it just cost them a second loss to the Bengals.

Speaking of TCU, I expected a high-scoring affair between them & Tech – but I expected it to be on both sides.

Damn.&#160 Just, damn

That is the absolute last time I pick the Dallas Cowgirlz to win a game.&#160 Fool me once, shame on you – fool me twice…

Congratulations, fuckheads.&#160 You let the biggest pussy in the history of T-Sip Shortdick Texas Longhorn football beat you – and you didn’t even make the douchebag try&#160 to earn it.

Fuck you, Cowgirlz.

This week:&#160 5-2.&#160 Overall:&#160 43-11-1

The PFW returns tomorrow…hopefully.&#160 I’ll have to write blurbs between handing out butt-loads of candy to young skulls (literally) full o’ mush.&#160 We’ll see what happens.


As we begin this edition of the Perfect Football Weekend&#153, Denizens, we note for the record that the Dallas Cowboys have finally come to their senses and released Michael Sam from the practice squad in favor of linebacker Troy Davis and defensive tackle Ken Bishop (both of whom were in Dallas’ training camp).

This creates something a dilemma in the Realm&#153.

Remember back here, when I said:

So that’s it. I’m done with Dallas – for good, this time. The Cowgirlz now become a PFW “Anti-Team” – meaning they’re now this scribe’s least-favorite team, more disliked than even the Warshington Foreskins or the San Transexual Fairy Whiners.

Honestly, what’s a King & Tyrant&#153 to do?&#160 They’re playing well, and Cincy…well…isn’t.&#160 And I’ve pretty much always followed them, whereas I’m only following Cincinnati because of Andy Dalton.

Decisions, decisions.

Okay, on with the football.&#160 This is the acid test for Phil Young & my Arlington Heights Yellow Jackets.&#160 They have the South Hills Scorpions tonight, and SHHS is every bit as good (if not better) as the Jackets.

As much as I hate to say it, I think the Scorps are gonna win…and Great Honkin’ Cthulhu&#153, I hope I’m wrong.

Saturday, Gary Patterson’s 10th-ranked TCU Horned Frogs are at home against perennial pest Texas Tech.

This is sort of a rivalry game in the Realm&#153, as the wife of Supreme General Rayegun (hereinafter referenced as the Generalette) is a Tech grad; thus, the Southern Command has a vested interest in the game.

OZY McCOOL:&#160 Shall I get to work on the shields, in case the General decides to bring the Black Helicopter Fleet&#153 and take TCU’s inevitable victory out on us?

VENOMOUS:&#160 Probably, and make sure the pulse disruptor is in good repair, as well.

(Sorry, General.&#160 But TCU’s flying high, and you guys barely beat Rock Chalk last week.&#160 Besides, Vegas has the Frogs as a 23-point favorite.)

Sunday, Cincinnati will try to score a point.

Don’t laugh.&#160 They have Baltimore at home, and even though the Unconvicted Criminal&#153, Ray Lewis, no longer plays for them, their defense is still most stout.&#160 And Vegas has the Ravens as a 1-point road favorite.

And after what Indy did to them last week, there’s a raised eyebrow pointed towards Cincy’s offensive coordinator.


For my wildcard games, we’re going with Rutgers visiting #16 Nebraska (the Scarlet Knights have basically stunk up their first year in the B1G), BigamY U (that’s Brigham Young for those of you in the Church of the SubTarded&#153) traveling to that ugly-assed blue field to take on Smurf-Turf State (things aren’t quite as easy with out Chrissy “Trick Play” Peterson on the sidelines) tonight, the T-Sip Shortdicks TU Longhorns up in Lawrence to take on #11 Kansas State (the Wildcates bore everybody to a win) – and in a bonus game, the Dallas Cowboys to steamroll the Warshington Foreskins REDSKINS, DAMMIT!!!!! at home…

UPDATE:&#160 …on Monday night.

I will make an effort to get you the recap on Monday Tuesday. In the meantime, my question for the Vicar is…Southern Miss, a 9&#189-point home dogg to Louisiana Tech?!?!?!


What in the hell&#160 has happened to A&M?

Arlington Heights 63, North Side 3

at #12 TCU 42, #15 Oklahoma State 9

Cincinnati 0, at Indianapolis 27

at #7 Alabama 59, #21 Texas A&M 0

#19 Nebraska 38, at Northwestern 17

at #11 Oklahoma 30, #14 Kansas State 31

Believe it or not, North Side actually led Heights in the first quarter, 3-0.

Then Heights got the ball.&#160 Game over.&#160

Ross Evans somehow made it onto the field Saturday and wore Michael Hunnicutt’s #18 jersey. Can there be any other explanation for OU leaving 7 points on the field like that?

Still, OU gave the old, tired “it didn’t have to come down to that” excuse.

Oklahoma tight end Blake Bell said it wasn’t all Hunnicutt’s fault.

“Hunnicutt’s a great kicker,” Bell said. “I mean, he makes every single kick that I’ve ever seen — it’s ridiculous — so you can’t blame it on him. Hunny, the type of guy he is, he’s going to bounce back and be great and make field goals for us.”

Yeah, I know:&#160 All y’all “coulda, shoulda, woulda” done more so it didn’t have to come down to that.&#160 But you didn’t.&#160 And it did, and Hunnicutt screwed it up.

Sometimes you just have to blame the kicker.&#160 Ask TCU & Ross Evans.

That debacle in Indy…was discouraging.&#160 Yes, Andy Dalton didn’t have the services of AJ Green, true – but no one will ever confuse the Indian-hapless Colts’ defense for the ’85 Bears.

Damn.&#160 Just, damn.

WITY&#153 about Northwestern?&#160 They held Ameer Abdullah to 40 rushing yards in the first half, and led Nebraska, 17-14.&#160 In fact, the Huskers had to go all Boise-State on the Wildcats to even be that close (QB Tommy Armstrong caught a pass in the end zone from wideout De’Mornay Pierson-El to get to a 14-all tie).

Fortunately for the Big Red, the offensive line & Abdullah woke up in the second half.&#160 Abdullah finished with 146 yards on 23 carries as Nebraska rolled.

With all respect and admiration for Mike Gundy – Hey, Okie State!!!&#160 Not quite as easy to play TCU when the game’s not in your backyard, is it?&#160

(And no, I’m still not fond of the idea of Trevone Boykin at quarterback – but at least he’s screwing up a lot less than he’s done the last two years.&#160 Actually kinda parallels Andy in that regard.)

Three weeks ago, Texas A&M was the #6 college football team in the nation.&#160 The talk was all about Johnny Manziel’s replacement, Kenny Hill.&#160 “Kenny Football”, they were calling him.&#160 Coach Kevin Sumlin was being talked about in terms of possibly being a candidate to replace Jason Garrett as coach of the Dallas Cowboys.

Think about that for a second.

Now?&#160 After this embarrassment at the hands of the Crimson Tide?&#160 There’s now talk about whether Hill will even remain the starting quarterback.&#160 Coach Sumlin has vowed to put every aspect of the program under a microscope.&#160 No starter’s job is safe for next weekend.

How the mighty have fallen.

Wow.&#160 Just, wow.

This week:&#160 4-2.&#160 Overall:&#160 38-9-1.

The PFW will return Friday, when we discuss the District 7-5A championship, and whether I should allow the Dallas Cowboys back in (and why).&#160 See you then.


Denizens, this week’s edition of the Perfect Football Weekend&#153 opens with The World’s Greatest Quarterback Ever In The History Of Ever, Ever (1st Edition)&#153 once again opening his mouth & inserting his foot:

Donovan McNabb’s post-playing career has been … interesting. Since stepping away from the game in 2011, the former Philadelphia Eagles quarterback and current Fox Sports and NFL Network analyst has become well-known for his dubious ponderings on social media. To wit.

(a lot of Twitter Turdbucket-ery™ deleted for brevity’s sake -DV)

But Thursday, the six-time Pro Bowler actually had a strong take on a subject he knows something about. During an interview with Chicago sports talk radio station 87.7-FM The Game while discussing Jay Cutler, the Windy City native managed to pull off the rare double-diss of two former peers.

“He’s the Tony Romo of the Midwest,” McNabb told the Kap and Haugh Show. “Can he play in this league? Absolutely, he’s proven that. But a quarterback is measured by your body of work, meaning your wins and losses record, the numbers you put up. And the end-all be-all is how many playoff wins do you have? How many playoff appearances do you have? If you only have one to show for almost a decade of play that means you can’t lead your team to the playoffs.”

Now, granted, Donna McFlabb does&#160 have one more NFC Championship than ol’ El Choko.&#160 That, I’ll concede.

But even he&#160 had to have a lights-out wide receiver (Widdle Terri Owens), plus an offensive line that held damn near every play for him to even accomplish that – and he still&#160 didn’t win a Lombardi Trophy.

In fact…it took Fat Ass Momma McFlabb’s widdle boy no fewer than four tries at the brass ring of the NFC before he even got&#160 there, didn’t it?

And then after all that…he was run out of Philly on the proverbial rail, signed with the WASHINGTON REDSKINS!!!!!&#160 (that’s for all you libtards out there), and did exactly…dick.

The point:&#160 McCrabby…you really don’t have a lot of room to talk, y’know?

On with the football.&#160 I promised you that I was going to talk about a little concept called Guaranteed Win Day&#153.&#160 The premise of GWD is that your upcoming game is against an opponent so weak, you could play your third-teamers all game long, and still win by at least two touchdowns.&#160 High school teams usually try to schedule their Homecoming festivities around an opponent from which they can reasonably expect a GWD, thus sending the alumni home happy.

Enter Fort Worth North Side High School.

To say that no one will ever confuse the North Side Steers with last year’s Seattle Seahawks is, quite frankly, the Understatement Of The Year&#153.&#160 There are two perenially bad HS teams in Fort Worth, and North Side is one of them.

Which is probably one reason why Phil Young and my Arlington Heights Yellow Jackets have scheduled them for Homecoming this year.

The game’s tomorrow, and never mind that Vegas doesn’t handicap high school games – you couldn’t pay them to do this one.&#160 Heights in a major squash – and I do&#160 mean major.

Also tomorrow, Gary Patterson and his 12th-ranked TCU Horned Frogs will be at home vs. 15th-ranked Oklahoma State.&#160 This will be OSU’s first trip to Ft. Worth in quite some time, thanks to the fuckheaded bastards schedule-makers at the Big XII.

Believe it or not, the Froggies are a 10&#189-point favorite over the Cowboys.&#160 Given the trouble OSU’s given TCU in the past, I’ll believe that&#160 when I see it.

Sunday, Andy Dalton & the Cincinnati Bengals are traveling to Indianapolis to take on Andrew Luck & the Colts.&#160 Hate to say this, but I don’t hold out much hope for the Bengals – you don’t beat Luck at home.&#160 You just don’t.

For my wildcard games this week, I’m gonna go with 21st-ranked Texas A&M at seventh-ranked Alabama (the Aggies’ post-Manziel misery continues), 19th-ranked Nebraska at Northwestern (the Wildcats win if they contain Ameer Abdullah), and 14th-ranked Kansas State visting 11th-ranked Oklahoma (I’d be picking K-State if the game were in Manhattan).

We’re back Monday (I hope) with the recap.&#160 In the meantime, my question for the Vicar is:&#160 Southern Miss is a nine-point road dog to North Texas.&#160 Granted, your guys from Hattiesburg have never been world-beaters on the road, but…really?


God forbid that anything&#160 should happen to the Little Darlings of the Big XII Conference&#153, y’know.&#160 Right?

Arlington Heights 52, O.D. Wyatt 15

#9 TCU 58, #5 Baylor 40, Pussy-Assed Needle-Dick XII’s Faggot Zebras 21

at Cincinnati 37, Carolina 37 (OT)

at Iowa 45, Indiana 29

West Virginia 37, at Texas Tech 34

Oklahoma 31, Texas 26 (at Dallas)

I take it back.&#160 The South Hills game in about three weeks will decide District 7-5A.&#160 Fortunately, Heights has enough time to get ready for them.

I thought OU would be more pissed after the TCU game.&#160 Guess I was wrong, but I’ll take the win.

This is the first tie under the new NFL overtime rules (first team to score a touchdown wins; if a FG, the other team gets a chance to tie/win; sudden death thereafter if still tied after one possession each).

That said, Mike Nugent had a chance to win the game at the very last, but pushed the ball right. He might want to start polishing his r&#233sum&#233, ’cause that last attempt (I saw the replay) was a chip shot.

UPDATE:&#160 Incidentally, I was proven right again about Newton – called his own number 17 times, gained 107 yards.

Maybe West Virginia isn’t that good, after all.&#160 They had to come from behind to defeat Tech.

(Disclosure:&#160 I didn’t watch the game.&#160 But Supreme General Rayegun did, and I trust his word.)

I don’t want to hear about how the Frogs were supposedly “exhausted” from having to cover Panda receivers.&#160 I don’t want to hear about how it was “fade after fade after fade” (although I will grant you, with a 21-point lead in the fourth, I’d been sorely tempted to make a tight end out of one of my linemen and go with a lot more ground-and-pound).&#160 And I sure-as-Hell&#153 don’t want to hear about how Widdle Bwicie Pussy carved up our secondary.

Two bogus pass-interference calls on TCU.&#160 At least one bona fide&#160 pass-interference on the Pandas, one which the back judge looked straight at, that didn’t get called.

Simple fact:&#160 This half-assed crew of striped douchecanoes took the game away from the Horned Frogs.&#160 They treated the Baylor Koalas like they were God’s gift to college football, and gave the game to them as if it were a fucking virgin sacrifice.

Shit like this has happened in the past with this half-assed excuse-for-a-conference, remember? A decade ago, it was the T-Sip Shortdicks Texas Longhorns, with Vince “Major Bust” Young and Colt “Minor Bust” McCoy.

(Why do you think Colorado, Missouri & Nebraska all switched conferences?&#160 They were all tired of TU, that’s why.&#160 And now it’s happening again with Baylor, aka The Little Darlings Of The Big XII&#153)

It happened three years ago with The Second Coming Of The Greatest Quarterback Ever In The History Of Ever, Ever&#153, otherwise know as ARRRRRRRRRR GEEEEEEEEEE THREEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!.&#160 They tried to make it happen a couple years ago with his successor, Widdle Nicki Florence.

Now it’s happening again with Widdle Bwicie Pussy.&#160 And it’s probably going to happen with whomever succeeds him her.

So, Big Corrupt Twelve, answer me this:&#160 How many more Big XII programs are going to have to leave for far greener pastures before you stop putting football teams on pedestals and decreeing them fucking untouchable, hmmmmmmm???

Fucking bastards.

This week:&#160 4-1-1.&#160 Overall:&#160 34-7-1.

The PFW will return Friday evening, when we talk about Guaranteed Win Day&#153.&#160 See you then.


Denizens, once again my workload betrays me as we begin this edition of the Perfect Football Weekend&#153 – such that I don’t have a story to rant about (there’s not been time to look)

So let’s get on with it.&#160 My Arlington Heights Yellow Jackets are playing the O.D. Wyatt Chaparrals for the District 7-5A championship.&#160 (Yes, it’s still early in the season, but Wyatt’s the only team in the district that even looks&#160 like it could take Heights.)

And as I’m writing this, the Chaps aren’t doing a very good job – it’s 52-15, Heights, in the fourth.&#160 We’ll chalk that one up as a win.

Saturday, Gary Patterson’s ninth-ranked TCU Horned Frogs continue their personal Bataan Death March as they go into Waco to play at #5 Baylor’s new digs.&#160 The Cubbies are an 8&#189-point favorite at home – but then again, OU was favored against the Tadpoles, so we’ll see.

Sunday, Andy Dalton’s Cincinnati Bengals, fresh off their whipping at the hands of New England, return home to face Cam Newton and the Carolina Panthers.&#160 Carolina’s still a Jekyll & Hyde-type team, and Vegas has Cincy as a 7-point home fave…which means that Newton’ll probably run wild.

For my wild-card games, I’m going with Indiana visiting Iowa (Vegas has it razor-thin, but Iowa’s at home), West Virginia at Texas Tech (Kliff’s Kidz will eventually get well, but not here), Rice at Army (if they can beat Southern Miss at Hattiesburg, they can handle the Cadets at West Point) – and of course, Oklahoma trampling the TU Shortdicks Longhorns (Charlie Strong’s dismissed about a quarter of his team so far, and what they have left isn’t enough to handle a pissed-off OU squad).

UPDATE:&#160 I do note, for the record, that they’re now calling OU-Texas the “Red River Showdown”.

Well, at least it’s better than the limp-wristed, pansy-assed, metrosexual “Red River Rivalry”…&#160 (sigh)

We’re back Monday or thereabouts with the recap.&#160 In the meantime…I think Heights has scored again…&#160


When you run into a buzzsaw, there isn’t a helluva lot you can do.

Arlington Heights 75, Southwest 6

at #25 TCU 37, #4 Oklahoma 33

Cincinnati 17, at New England 43

Since I was down at the time I was supposed to have been posting the PFW preview for the week, all we can do are the Core Teams&#153 this week.


TCU…wow!&#160 (I still don’t really believe in Trevone Boykin as a quarterback, but he got the job done against the Sooners.&#160 And if he gets Bob Stoopes & company pissed-off enough to beat the shit outta Texas U, he’ll be doing me a favor – since I fully intend to pick OU for the game Saturday.)

Cincy…well, after all the crap going on in Foxboro this past week after KC got through mauling them, I doubt the early 90s Cowboys could have beaten them.&#160 Brady looked like a man possessed, and the Pats’ defense never gave Andy an even break.

C’est la vie.

This week:&#160 2-1.&#160 Overall:&#160 30-6.

The PFW will return Thursday, when District 7-5A in Texas will be decided.


It does happen. this past Saturday, not only did the MSU Bulldogs decisively beat Texas A&M(48-31), but Ole Miss beat number one ranked Alabama 32-17. For the first time since 1962 Ole Miss is 5 and 0, and the last time both teams were rankle in the top 15 at the same time was the 1950s. Needless to say, Mississippi college football fans are in a very good mood. From a Mississippi standpoint, about the only thing that could have made it better would be if our other major university had managed a win; unfortunately, Southern Mississippi seems to be rebuilding this year.

From the standpoint of the Vicar’s family, Mrs. Vicar grew up near Pittsburgh, and the Vicar grew up in Wisconsin, and both of us are USAF veterans.  Air Force beat Navy 30-21, and both Green bay and Pittsburgh NFL Teams won.

The question is, can we do it twice in a row, Mississippi State plays Auburn this coming Saturday at Scott Field in Starkville, both teams are undefeated, but Auburn is a 2.5 point favourite. Ole Miss will travel to Texas to play the Aggies, the hope here is that they will win so decisively, that the Aggies develop a complex about Mississippi! 🙂

We shall see!


The light has come on at Valley Ranch.

Hide de wimmen ‘n chill’runs.

TCU 56, at SMUT 0

at Indiana State 38, Liberty 19

at #12 Georgia 35, Tennessee 32

#6 Texas A&M 35, Arkansas 28 (at Arlington, TX)

Texas 23, Kansas 0

at Southern Miss 23, Rice 41

New Orleans 17, at Dallas 38

When things go bad for you, they really&#160 go bad.

Ask SMU.&#160 They thought they had a touchdown in the second quarter when Garrett Krstich completed a pass to Darius Joseph off Ranthony Texada, off whom Joseph rolled on the way to the end zone.&#160 Alas, Joseph’s elbow touching the turf downed him.

And as the Ponies drove towards a score towards the end of the game, QB Matt Davis was sacked on the game’s final play.

C’est la vie.

Okay, Denizens, remember a couple weeks ago when I said this?

This is Charlie Weis’ last year, you heard it here first

Such was the disgust at getting shut out by a rebuilding T-Sip Shortdick Longhorn team that the so-called “answer” to the Turner Gill fiasco got canned Sunday.

After he won only one Big 12 game during his tenure at Kansas, the Jayhawks have fired head coach Charlie Weis.

He was in the third year of a five-year contract.

Defensive coordinator Clint Bowen will take over as interim head coach, athletic director Sheahon Zenger said.

“I normally do not favor changing coaches mid-season,” Zenger said in a statement. “But I believe we have talented coaches and players in this program, and I think this decision gives our players the best chance to begin making progress right away.”

Weis went 6-22 at Kansas and won one of 19 conference games, his only Big 12 victory coming last year against West Virginia. Weis also only had two other victories against FBS competition. He is the second coach in a row to be dismissed at Kansas before reaching the end of his contract. Weis replaced Turner Gill, who was let go after the 2011 season.

Speaking of Turner. his Flames got nowhere against Indiana State.&#160 They threw the ball well enough, but were 1 for 12 on 3rd & 4th down, with only 33 total rushing yards.&#160 That won’t cut it on any level.

And that message seems to have finally penetrated the rockheads at Cowgirl Central.

Demarco Murray ran 24 times for 149 yards – his fourth straight 100-yard game.&#160 Only Emmitt Smith (twice) and Tony Dorsett have done that for this franchise.

With that dependence on the run, and leaning on the rebuilt offensive line, old El Choko hasn’t had to put the team on his shoulders lately.&#160 The results are promising for Cowboy fans.

That won’t get them back in the PFW, of course – but at least I can watch good football from two&#160 teams on Sunday.

As you know, I occasionally declare a Perfect Football Weekend&#153 by Executive Fiat&#153.&#160 This is going to be one of those weeks.

For in addition to SMU & Arkansas losing – two other of my most hated teams (Anti-Teams) bit the dust Saturday:

Northwestern 29, at Penn State 6

at Air Force 28, Boise State 14

Oh, it was such&#160 a PFW.&#160

This week:&#160 5-2.&#160 Perfect Football Weekend&#153 declared (3).&#160 Overall:&#160 28-5.

The PFW will return on Friday, when we’ll see if Arlington Heights is for real.


Well, Denizens, I finally found something about which to rant as we begin this edition of the Perfect Football Weekend – surprise, surprise, it’s Roger Goodfella’s Goodell’s NFL (No Fun League).


Apparently, Phil Phylicia Simms has a problem saying the word “Redskins”.&#160 And the DC faithful had no problem roasting his ugly ass because of it.&#160 (I wouldn’t have either, BTW.)

Enter Roger Goodfella’s Goodell’s NFl brownshirts:

Kristen B.
@KristenBerset Follow

#Redskins fans protesting Phil Simms refusal to use team name . #NFL official told them to take it down @wusa9
6:12 PM – 25 Sep 2014

Ray Rice originally gets only a couple of games for the left cross he gave his then-fiancée, but CRACK DOWN ON THE FANS EXERCISING THEIR FREE-SPEECH RIGHTS!!!!!

Mother-fucking fascist retards.

On to the football.&#160 Tomorrow, it’s the annual Battle For The Iron Skillet&#153 (otherwise known in Namby-Pambyville as the “D/FW Duel”) as Gary Patterson’s TCU Horned Frogs travel to Dal-wa to take on the Shitland Ponies of SMUT.

The Shitlanders have scored six (6) points.&#160 All season (3 games).&#160 And haven’t given up less than 43 points in any of those three games.

This is a major trap game for the Froggies.&#160 Lose this game, and it’s “attaboy/awshit” time again.

Vegas has the Tadpoles as a 32&#189-point road favorite.&#160 Gary…you need to cover, and then some.

Believe it or not, that’s it for the Core Teams&#153.&#160 My Arlington Heights Yellow Jackets & Andy Dalton’s Cincinnati Bengals are off this week.&#160 So we’ll go with an NFL wild-card game, featuring Sean Payton’s New Orleans Saints visiting the Allas Cowgirlz (still no D) on Sunday night (turn down your TV sound so you won’t have to listen to Roberta Costas).&#160 Once again, the ‘Girlz will do the Mediocrity Tango&#153 and wind up at .500 as they get their asses handed to them.

For college wildcard games, we have Turner Gill’s Liberty Flames at Indiana State (sorry, Turner, I don’t have that much faith in your program), UTennessee at #12 Georgia (the Dawgs romp in the Pound&#153), Ar-kansas in College Station to get flattened by #6 Texas A&M (sorry, Piggies, A&M isn’t Tech), T-Sip U at Rock Chalk (even with all the kids Charlie Strong’s kicking off the Shortdick Longhorn squad, this one’s a gimme) and Rice playing the sacrificial lamb at Southern Miss (this one should please the Vicar).

We’ll try to have a recap before next Saturday Monday.&#160 In the meantime, New Mexico State is a 43&#189-point road dog at Death Valley (LSU), and my question is…is that all?


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