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He’s forced an Executive Decision&#153 on me.

Arlington Heights 34, Eastern Hills 7

at #20 TCU 33, SMUT Shitland Ponies 23, SMUT‘s Hand-Picked Pussy Zebras 17 (OT)

at #2 Oklahoma 62, Ball State 6

#8 Nebraska 17, at #7 Wisconsin 48

at Dallas 30, Detroit Lions Pussies 34

About the only notable thing about Jackets-Highlanders was the storm that forced a postponement of the game at halftime.&#160 Heights was up 20-7 at the time, and scored two more touchdowns Saturday night, when the game resumed.

—

The four-lettered has a graphic in their recaps that goes like “The game was over when…”

In this case, the game was over when Ball State’s bus pulled into the stadium parking lot.

Landry Jones went 23-33-425 and five – yeah, five – touchdowns.&#160 Broyles caught four balls for 109 yards and two TDs, and Jaz Reynolds caught five for 141 yards and a score.&#160 The defense even got in the act, too, stripping Cardinal QB Keith Wenning in the third quarter and running it back 22 yards for a score, and also picking him off three times.

—

Welcome to the Big Ten, Bo Pelini.

Russell Wilson gave Nebraska a harsh welcome to the Big Ten, throwing for two touchdowns and running for another in No. 7 Wisconsin’s 48-17 rout of the eighth-ranked Cornhuskers on Saturday night.

Montee Ball ran for 151 yards and four touchdowns for the Badgers (5-0, 1-0 Big Ten). But Wilson was the main attraction for a primetime television audience as Wisconsin overcame a slow start to solidify its status as the class of the conference.

[…]

It was another big step for Wilson, the former North Carolina State quarterback who gave up minor league baseball to return to college football and play for a Badgers team that seemed to have all the pieces of a BCS bowl contender but needed a quarterback.

Five games into the season, there’s no reason to think otherwise.

Wilson had played well in his first four games for the Badgers after joining them over the summer, but hadn’t yet been tested by a top-level opponent since his days with the Wolfpack.

And he still hasn’t.&#160 Nebraska simply isn’t ready for prime time.&#160 They’ve got a long, long way to go before they can be considered good enough for the Big Ten.&#160 Taylor Martinez, especially, played like the sophomore he is. throwing three interceptions.

—

Guess I should look on the bright side:&#160 At least Ross Evans didn’t cost TCU this one.

Yes, it’d be easy to blame senior quarterback cornerback Greg McCoy.&#160 He was Quincy “Toast” Butler-like all day long, and his brain-fart fumble to start the second half was scooped up for a Shitland Pony score.&#160 And Patterson went for two after a score and failed, when a PAT would’ve won us the game.&#160 (Not that Evans is automatic or anything.)

But the simple fact of the matter is that Peruna’s Pissweasels&#153 brought their own, hand-picked Conference USA officiating crew with them.

You do the math.

A phantom pass-interference penalty took away a Frog interception.&#160 The Shitland Ponies scored two plays later.&#160 Another phantom pass-interference penalty led to a field goal.&#160 And a bogus roughing-the-passer penalty led to another Horse’s Ass touchdown.

There’s a reason TCU got out of Conference USA a long time ago, and we saw it Saturday.&#160 The fact is that SMUT couldn’t have won Saturday without help – which has pretty much been the story ever since they came back from the Death Penalty&#153.

So the moral of the story is clear:&#160 When playing the Shitlands…bring your own zebras.

—

Never had the Cowgirlz lost when leading at any time during the game by 24.

Until Sunday.

Up 27-3 in the third, Tony “El Choko” Romo personelly let the Pussies back in the game, throwing consecutive pick-sixes to bring the score to 27-17.&#160 Smelling blood in the water, Detroit attacked while Dallas collapsed.

A third interception, thrown off El Choko’s back foot, led to the winning touchdown for the Pussies, thus completing the collapse.

This is what a once-proud franchise has been reduced to.&#160 One playoff win in 16 years, and not headed back to the playoffs anytime soon, if – as Owner Jethro insists – they’re going to live & die with El Choko.

“As Tony goes, we’ll go,” said Cowboys owner Jerry Jones.

Says it all, right there.&#160 Condemned to losing football for the foreseeable future.

This week:&#160 2-3.&#160 Overall:&#160 19-5.

The PFW will return Thursday…again (sigh)…when we’ll kick ESPN’s skanky ass, and declare a Guaranteed Win Night&#153.

MERLIN:&#160 Ahem.

MERLIN:&#160 Yes, Wizard?

MERLIN:&#160 You mentioned an Executive Decision&#153.

VENOMOUS:&#160 Ah yes – I did.

From this point forward, for every game El Choko starts, the Perfect Football Weekend&#153 will not include the Cowgirlz, but whomever they’re playing.&#160 Tune in 10 days from now to see whom that will be.

(Or check the schedule yourself – I don’t care.)