Local time where you're at. ("Where you're at"?)

It’s a sad beginning, Denizens, to this episode of the Perfect Football Weekend&#153, as we bid a tearful farewell to the greatest UTexas coach of all time.&#160 Darrell K. Royal was 88.

Royal, 88, died Wednesday in Austin but left behind legions of admirers from both sides of the Red River and across the country. At the height of his coaching career, Royal ranked “right up there with the Alamo” in terms of Texas icons, said Dan Jenkins, a renowned author and sportswriter from Fort Worth who serves as the official historian of the National Football Foundation’s College Football Hall of Fame.

Jenkins, a TCU graduate, covered Royal’s teams for both the Fort Worth Press and Sports Illustrated. He watched Royal fashion a 167-47-5 record in 20 seasons with the Longhorns (1957-76), claiming national championships in 1963, 1969 and 1970.

“If you did a Mount Rushmore with the faces of college football people from Texas, Darrell would be on there,” Jenkins said. “[SMU’s] Doak Walker would be one. [TCU’s] Sam Baugh would be one. The fourth person, you could take your choice. But those three are inarguable.”

He will be sorely missed.

Now to the football.&#160 At the moment, my Arlington Heights Yellow Jackets actually made a game of it before falling late to Granbury, 27-31.&#160 Expect excuse-for-a-head-coach Todd Whitten to be reassigned in the coming weeks.

Tomorrow evening, Gary Patterson’s TCU Horned Frogs will host second-ranked Kansas State at Amon Carter in Fort Worth.&#160 The purple team will win.

Tomorrow afternoon, Bob Stoops’ 12th-ranked Oklahoma Sooners get to feast on Baylor’s cubbies at Norman.&#160 Artie Briles is finding out that life isn’t all that good without overrated hypemeister ARRRRRR GEEEEEEEE THREEEEEEEE!!!!!1!!ELEVENTY!!!1!!!, and OU should be no exception.&#160 Baylor can carve up the Sooner defense, but the reverse is more than true, and Vegas likes OU at home by 21&#189.

A PFW by Executive Fiat&#153 is on the line tomorrow as the Penn State Pussies visit Lincoln to face Bo Pelini’s 16th-ranked Nebraska Cornhuskers.&#160 The Huskers are a 9-point favorite at Memorial, and I like them to cover.

Bucky travels to Hoosierville tomorrow to run roughshod over Indiana U.&#160 The Badgers are a seven-point favorite on the road – and, even as bad as they’ve been this year, they should cover this.

In the FCS (aka Division I-AA), Turner Gill’s Liberty Flames will face Big South leader Stony Brook.&#160 I’m putting a SpatulaLine of 30 on this one – Stony Brook’s 9-1, and will probably do to Liberty what fiddy-million shitheads did to liberty on Tuesday – namely, rip it to shreds.

Sunday, El Choko & the Cowgirlz go for three in a row – losses, that is – as they travel to Pussydelphia to take on the Beagles.&#160 Phucky’s offensive line has been just that – offensive – recently, letting the Saints at one point last week sack Mikey “Woof!” Vick three straight times.

Of course, any woes the Beagles have been undergoing recently will all be cured when Rob Ryan’s Folly&#153 comes to town.&#160 I’m calling Phucky in a squash.

We’re back Monday (I hope) for the recap.&#160 In the meantime, my question for HDD this week is…would you rather have Bucky’s O-line, or the Beagles’?

Just results this week, Denizens.&#160 Time’s been at a premium lately.

Again.

Arlington Heights 10, Southwest 42

TCU 39, at #21 West Virginia 38 (2OT)

#12 Oklahoma 35, at Iowa State 20

#20 Nebraska 28, at Michigan State 24

Liberty 26, Charleston Southern 12

Dallas 13, at Atlanta 19

Only real shocker was TCU beating the Mountaineers at Morgantown.&#160 Props to Gary Patterson for calling that two-point conversion on the last score, and props to Trevone Boykin for getting the ball to Josh Boyce (barely) for the win.

This week:&#160 4-2.&#160 Overall:&#160 39-23

We’ll have a PFW tomorrow, when we mourn a coaching legend.

Fox News has reported that Mittens has conceded.&#160 He’s now on my fucking TV screen, ready to snivel & piss away the last vestiges of Reagan’s glorious party.

Fuck you, you son-of-a-Mormon-bitch RINO.

Okay, guys, we’re here at the North Dallas Hilton in the mini-headquarters for state reps Dan Branch & John Carona.&#160 We’re in one corner pounding away on the hotel’s wi-fi (thank you, Barron – give my regards to Paris, hm?), and we’ll be here as long as necessary.

Or until one of us passes out from sugar shock, take your pick.

—

22:14 – Fox News just called Ohio for Bambi.

That’s it.&#160 Goodnight.

Saddle up, fix bayonets, lock & load.

Let the civil war come.

—

22:00 – North Carolina & Idaho have been called for Romney.&#160 Washington State, Hawaii & Kalifornication go to Bambi.

Mrs. Venomous, we’ve made our last trip to San Diego.

—

21:52 – Fox News just called Minne-haha for Bambi.

Fuck you, Minne-haha.&#160 DK, get your ass outta there, it’s a lost cause.

—

21:24 – Fox News is calling Arizona for Romney.

—

21:13 – Fox News crawl states Republicans will keep the House.

For all the fucking good that’s going to do.

—

21:11 – The Missouri Senate race has been called for Claire McCaskill.

Fuck you, Missouri.

—

21:10 – Henderson tells me Montana’s been called for Mitt.

—

21:00 – Iowa goes to Romney.

—

20:52 – Back on wi-fi.&#160 Fox News has called Wisconsin & New Hampshire for Bambi, and they show him also ahead in Florida by one.

At this rate, if Bambi takes Florida, it’s over.

At which point, I’ll be looking to buy a helluva lot more ammo.

—

20:24 – Now on the wireless modem. More reliable then Hilton’s wi-fi.&#160 (Or his daughter’s affections, for that matter.)

—

20:17 – Fox News is calling Pennsylvania for Bambi.&#160 I’m calling bullshit.

—

19:57 – And not just in the Presidential race, either – Arkansas has gone completely red for the first time since Reconstruction, according to Hoft.

—

19:52 – Fox News is projecting Mitt to take Arkansas.&#160 (Take that, Der Kaiser!)

—

19:51 – Fox News crawl (at least, what I could see of it):&#160 Romney trashing Bambi in Missouri.&#160 Pray for Todd Akin.

—

19:35 – So far, we have Kentucky, Indiana, West Virginia, South Carolina, Mississippi, Alabama, Tennessee & Oklahoma all for Mitt, while we have fools in Vermont, MassaChewsShits, Noo Joisey (what do you expect from a state that Snooki calls home?), Ill-noise, Rhode Island, DC and (hack, spit) New York (hack, spit).

Will keep updating this as time allows.

Denizens, I was going to have a piece my sister-in-law (aka the Sibling Unit’s&#153 Spousal Unit&#153 (grin)) had emailed me for you early this morning.

Wouldn’t you know it – we couldn’t find Mrs. Venomous’ voter ID card, and spent 20 minutes finding it, so there went that.

That said, if you haven’t voted – and you still have time – please, by all means do so.

And remember the adage I post every year about this time:&#160 Vote for whomever you wish – just don’t vote Demoscum.

Good hunting, guys.&#160 Let’s kick Bambi’s ass!

UPDATE:&#160 If possible I’ll be trying to do some live victory-party blogging from Dallas GOP party headquarters in north Dallas.

Henderson’s with me, and we’ll try to pull Mitt through for ya.&#160

Okay, so lemme get this straight:

You guys at V8 are saying that drinking your product is going to make me end up like this.

In short, you damnfools are trying to turn me into a Demoscum.

No, thanks.

Denizens, if you’ve been paying attention, you’ve no doubt become attuned to the new dance craze sweeping YouTube – “Gangnam Style”.

The Emperor has judged a competition of sorts over at the Rott.

Of course, you haven’t really lived until you’ve seen it in the original Klingon…

Mheh.&#160

As we fade out from black, we see our intrepid command team huddled around the General’s Command Console intently looking at the screen. Faces are cringed, brows are furled, and a more than a few of the staff gathered are chewing on already nubby fingernails. Obviously it’s been a longgggggggg night.

{whispered conversations can be heard in the periphery}

SG RAYEGUN: I hope to hell that your job isn’t on the line AGAIN, techboy! I hate when I have to find someone with a clue. There are so few of them left these days!!

SSGT BANNER: Sir, would I be wearing this green bodysuit and be doped up on steroids….oh wait, wrong room. Seeya!

ALL: WTH??

LT KIM: General, I assure you there will not be a need for such measures. We have complete confidence in our work and this new system. Mr. Gates and Mr. Ballmer have assured us, repeatedly I might add, that there will not be a repeat performance.

SG RAYEGUN: For your sake, I hope so. Very well lieutenant, flip the switch.

LT KIM: Yessir.

CAPT ROGERS: Defense teams, take your positions, lock and load, safety off, set to maximum power. This is not a drill, I repeat THIS IS NOT A DRILL!

SG RAYEGUN: {looks untoward at the officer} Just a wee bit of overkill there captain???

CAPT ROGERS: Sir, you do remember the last time?

{the assembled mass mumbles and tries to support the captain while backing up as the general gets up from his chair}

SG RAYEGUN: One more snarky comment like that CAPTAIN and you’ll be a no stripe AIRMAN in less than 3 seconds. Do I make myself clear?

CAPT ROGERS:{visibly cringing} Umm yes sir…..

SG RAYEGUN: Get on with it already lieutenant. I’ve got work to do.

{camera pans left to see LT KIM flipping a big yellow switch while his other hand hovers precariously close to the emergency shutdown button}

LT KIM: {visibly relieved as he slowly pulls his hand back from the emergency shutdown} All systems normal, efficiency at 105%. Command ability at your discretion sir.

SG RAYEGUN: {the general punches in his access code and proceeds to get back to work} Thank you lieutenant. Nice job folks. You all get to keep your positions and rank. For now. Dismissed&#153

ALL: YESSIR!

{as the camera returns to center stage, flies in over the generals head, and zooms in to the Command Console screen}

Yes folks, the Southern Command has officially commenced its conversion to Windows 8 Pro. My big box is fully functional, minus a few minor utility apps. Things are running better than the clean install of Windows 7 Ultimate but getting used to the new UI will be fun. Luckily I’ve had Win8 running in a virtual session and have had time to play around with the UI in the sandbox. One bonus I did discover, and Darth you’ll find this most interesting. It seems that Microsoft finally got the clue. In IE10 a long-standing oversight has been corrected. As Darth has previously been wantonly rambling on about how this fine blog had its appearance “quirks” under IE (namely it was left-shifted on the page, not centered like with Firefox, Chrome, etc), well I can tell you now that it has been fixed. See below for the proof:

Darth, you’re welcome.

If you can, go check out Win8. If you don’t like the Win8 UI, you can always switch to the desktop view and just run things from there. If you go that route, you’ll notice that there is not a START button anymore. If that just freaks you out to no end, I already have a remedy for that illness. Check out Stardock Software‘s Start8 as it will fix the problem.

ThatIsAll&#153

Denizens, as we head into this episode of the Perfect Football Weekend, I have to ask y’all…you just knew this&#160 was coming, didn’t you?

A retired New Hampshire doctor and school board member has caused an uproar with his proposed ban on high school football, saying the game is too dangerous for underage students.

High school football is an American institution, so when Dr. Paul Butler advanced what many people believe is a radical idea at a sparsely attended meeting in Dover, N.H., the former high school football player caused a commotion near and far.

“We have a moral imperative to at least begin the process of ending this game.” Butler told “Good Morning America.”

“The literature is clear. This is a dangerous game for children to be playing.”

Oh, the “literature is clear”, all right.&#160 And disturbingly so, I might add.

We’ve let the Pink Pansy-assed Pusstard Brigade&#153 get a foot in the door, sissyfying the game to the point where it’s a major penalty for hitting a receiver too hard (“defenseless”, my ass), and if you don’t sack the quarterback just so&#160 (tilt your head alllll&#160 the way back and gently ease him to the ground so you don’t make even the slightest contact with said QB’s helmet, don’tcha know), that’s a 15-yarder, too.

What’s next – asking the running back for permission to go two-below?

Fortunately, the good people of New Hampshire – and others – still have a bit of brass left.

Critics of his proposed ban include the school board chairman and the local newspaper.

Conservative radio host Rush Limbaugh has even chimed in on the subject, describing critics of football as “pantywaists who want to try to take the risk out of everything in life.”

Butler admits that he lacks the votes to ban football right now, but given the mounting evidence, he adds, his proposal is a first step toward the inevitable.

Yeah – a pussified excuse-for-a-doctor-human being found in an alleyway with the shit beaten out of him.

Just sayin’.

Let’s get on with the football.&#160 My Arlington Heights Yellow Jackets are on the field on a rare Saturday taking on the Southwest Raiders Rebels (fuck you, FWISD).

Southwest gave Aledo a run for its money last week (eventually losing, 8-24), so this is going to be a major squash.&#160 The end of Todd Whitten’s AHHS coaching career can’t come soon enough for this scribe.

One hour after that starts, Gary Patterson’s TCU Horned Frogs will be in West Virginia for a matchup against the Mountaineers.

A few weeks ago, I’d’ve penciled this in as a guaranteed loss.&#160 And the Tadpoles still might find a way to cough this one up.&#160 But WVa hasn’t been playing all that well as of late, and it’s been established that they don’t have a defense (Baylor put 63 up on ’em in Morgantown).

Vegas likes the Mountaineers at home by 4, so we’ll see.

Also today, 12th-ranked Oklahoma, fresh off it’s whipping by the Irish, get Iowa State up in Ames.&#160 OU should be pretty pissed by now, and Vegas thinks so, too; they’re favoring the Sooners by 13.

The early game today has Bo Pelini’s 20th-ranked Nebraska Cornhuskers on the road against Michigan State’s Spartans.&#160 State hasn’t been the world-beaters everyone in Lansing thought they were gonna be, but they did&#160 beat Smurf Turf State, so…

However, Vegas doesn’t have a line on this game for some reason.&#160 If I didn’t know better, I’d almost say they were expecting a squash.&#160 (shrug) Who knows?

Liberty tries to get back on the winning track against Charleston Southern.&#160 Presbyterian gave CSU a better game than they did the Flames, so I like Liberty here, straight up.&#160 (Then again, I liked LIberty against Coastal Carolina last week, so what do I know?)

Sunday night Hotlanta goes to 8-0 as they obliterate El Choko and the Dallas Cowgirlz before Al Michaels, Cris Collinsworth and a national audience.&#160 This should&#160 teach Owner Jethro what a real&#160 football team looks like, but it’s Owner Jethro, so the message will go over his head, as usual.&#160 The over/under on El Choko pick-sixes is two, so watch for him to throw three.

Bucky is off this week.

We’re back Monday or so with the recap.&#160 In the meantime, the question for HDD is…when was the last time you saw Bucky lose a home game before last week?

(Hat tip:&#160 Riehl.)

Denizens, remember when I said that Al-Obambi was cooking the books?

Chalk up yet another WITY&#153 for Yours Truly&#153.

Revisions to the way payroll data firm ADP counts private sector job creation have resulted in a sharp drop in the September employment count.

ADP’s new calculations put the monthly job creation at just 88,200, down from the 162,000 the firm originally reported earlier this month.

October doesn’t look like it’s going to be so hot, either.

Heckuva job, Barry.&#160 You sure as hell did build that.