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Hey, Artie Briles!&#160 Hey, Widdle Bwice Pussy!

Not quite as fucking easy&#160 when it isn’t your hand-picked zebras calling the game, is it, you pathetic bastards?!?!?!

Baylor was penalized 18 times for a Big 12-record 215 yards. Seven were for pass interference.

Live by the zebra, die by the zebra.

Gotta.&#160 Love.&#160 It.&#160

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Denizens, this week’s edition of the Perfect Football Weekend&#153 opens with The World’s Greatest Quarterback Ever In The History Of Ever, Ever (1st Edition)&#153 once again opening his mouth & inserting his foot:

Donovan McNabb’s post-playing career has been … interesting. Since stepping away from the game in 2011, the former Philadelphia Eagles quarterback and current Fox Sports and NFL Network analyst has become well-known for his dubious ponderings on social media. To wit.

(a lot of Twitter Turdbucket-ery™ deleted for brevity’s sake -DV)

But Thursday, the six-time Pro Bowler actually had a strong take on a subject he knows something about. During an interview with Chicago sports talk radio station 87.7-FM The Game while discussing Jay Cutler, the Windy City native managed to pull off the rare double-diss of two former peers.

“He’s the Tony Romo of the Midwest,” McNabb told the Kap and Haugh Show. “Can he play in this league? Absolutely, he’s proven that. But a quarterback is measured by your body of work, meaning your wins and losses record, the numbers you put up. And the end-all be-all is how many playoff wins do you have? How many playoff appearances do you have? If you only have one to show for almost a decade of play that means you can’t lead your team to the playoffs.”

Now, granted, Donna McFlabb does&#160 have one more NFC Championship than ol’ El Choko.&#160 That, I’ll concede.

But even he&#160 had to have a lights-out wide receiver (Widdle Terri Owens), plus an offensive line that held damn near every play for him to even accomplish that – and he still&#160 didn’t win a Lombardi Trophy.

In fact…it took Fat Ass Momma McFlabb’s widdle boy no fewer than four tries at the brass ring of the NFC before he even got&#160 there, didn’t it?

And then after all that…he was run out of Philly on the proverbial rail, signed with the WASHINGTON REDSKINS!!!!!&#160 (that’s for all you libtards out there), and did exactly…dick.

The point:&#160 McCrabby…you really don’t have a lot of room to talk, y’know?

On with the football.&#160 I promised you that I was going to talk about a little concept called Guaranteed Win Day&#153.&#160 The premise of GWD is that your upcoming game is against an opponent so weak

, you could play your third-teamers all game long, and still win by at least two touchdowns.&#160 High school teams usually try to schedule their Homecoming festivities around an opponent from which they can reasonably expect a GWD, thus sending the alumni home happy.

Enter Fort Worth North Side High School.

To say that no one will ever confuse the North Side Steers with last year’s Seattle Seahawks is, quite frankly, the Understatement Of The Year&#153.&#160 There are two perenially bad HS teams in Fort Worth, and North Side is one of them.

Which is probably one reason why Phil Young and my Arlington Heights Yellow Jackets have scheduled them for Homecoming this year.

The game’s tomorrow, and never mind that Vegas doesn’t handicap high school games – you couldn’t pay them to do this one.&#160 Heights in a major squash – and I do&#160 mean major.

Also tomorrow, Gary Patterson and his 12th-ranked TCU Horned Frogs will be at home vs. 15th-ranked Oklahoma State.&#160 This will be OSU’s first trip to Ft. Worth in quite some time, thanks to the fuckheaded bastards schedule-makers at the Big XII.

Believe it or not, the Froggies are a 10&#189-point favorite over the Cowboys.&#160 Given the trouble OSU’s given TCU in the past, I’ll believe that&#160 when I see it.

Sunday, Andy Dalton & the Cincinnati Bengals are traveling to Indianapolis to take on Andrew Luck & the Colts.&#160 Hate to say this, but I don’t hold out much hope for the Bengals – you don’t beat Luck at home.&#160 You just don’t.

For my wildcard games this week, I’m gonna go with 21st-ranked Texas A&M at seventh-ranked Alabama (the Aggies’ post-Manziel misery continues), 19th-ranked Nebraska at Northwestern (the Wildcats win if they contain Ameer Abdullah), and 14th-ranked Kansas State visting 11th-ranked Oklahoma (I’d be picking K-State if the game were in Manhattan).

We’re back Monday (I hope) with the recap.&#160 In the meantime, my question for the Vicar is:&#160 Southern Miss is a nine-point road dog to North Texas.&#160 Granted, your guys from Hattiesburg have never been world-beaters on the road, but…really?

God forbid that anything&#160 should happen to the Little Darlings of the Big XII Conference&#153, y’know.&#160 Right?

Arlington Heights 52, O.D. Wyatt 15

#9 TCU 58, #5 Baylor 40, Pussy-Assed Needle-Dick XII’s Faggot Zebras 21

at Cincinnati 37, Carolina 37 (OT)

at Iowa 45, Indiana 29

West Virginia 37, at Texas Tech 34

Oklahoma 31, Texas 26 (at Dallas)

I take it back.&#160 The South Hills game in about three weeks will decide District 7-5A.&#160 Fortunately, Heights has enough time to get ready for them.

—

I thought OU would be more pissed after the TCU game.&#160 Guess I was wrong, but I’ll take the win.

—

This is the first tie under the new NFL overtime rules (first team to score a touchdown wins; if a FG, the other team gets a chance to tie/win; sudden death thereafter if still tied after one possession each).

That said, Mike Nugent had a chance to win the game at the very last, but pushed the ball right. He might want to start polishing his r&#233sum&#233, ’cause that last attempt (I saw the replay) was a chip shot.

UPDATE:&#160 Incidentally, I was proven right again about Newton – called his own number 17 times, gained 107 yards.

—

Maybe West Virginia isn’t that good, after all.&#160 They had to come from behind to defeat Tech.

—

(Disclosure:&#160 I didn’t watch the game.&#160 But Supreme General Rayegun did

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, and I trust his word.)

I don’t want to hear about how the Frogs were supposedly “exhausted” from having to cover Panda receivers.&#160 I don’t want to hear about how it was “fade after fade after fade” (although I will grant you, with a 21-point lead in the fourth, I’d been sorely tempted to make a tight end out of one of my linemen and go with a lot more ground-and-pound).&#160 And I sure-as-Hell&#153 don’t want to hear about how Widdle Bwicie Pussy carved up our secondary.

Two bogus pass-interference calls on TCU.&#160 At least one bona fide&#160 pass-interference on the Pandas, one which the back judge looked straight at, that didn’t get called.

Simple fact:&#160 This half-assed crew of striped douchecanoes took the game away from the Horned Frogs.&#160 They treated the Baylor Koalas like they were God’s gift to college football, and gave the game to them as if it were a fucking virgin sacrifice.

Shit like this has happened in the past with this half-assed excuse-for-a-conference, remember? A decade ago, it was the T-Sip Shortdicks Texas Longhorns, with Vince “Major Bust” Young and Colt “Minor Bust” McCoy.

(Why do you think Colorado, Missouri & Nebraska all switched conferences?&#160 They were all tired of TU, that’s why.&#160 And now it’s happening again with Baylor, aka The Little Darlings Of The Big XII&#153)

It happened three years ago with The Second Coming Of The Greatest Quarterback Ever In The History Of Ever, Ever&#153, otherwise know as ARRRRRRRRRR GEEEEEEEEEE THREEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!.&#160 They tried to make it happen a couple years ago with his successor, Widdle Nicki Florence.

Now it’s happening again with Widdle Bwicie Pussy.&#160 And it’s probably going to happen with whomever succeeds him her.

So, Big Corrupt Twelve, answer me this:&#160 How many more Big XII programs are going to have to leave for far greener pastures before you stop putting football teams on pedestals and decreeing them fucking untouchable, hmmmmmmm???

Fucking bastards.

This week:&#160 4-1-1.&#160 Overall:&#160 34-7-1.

The PFW will return Friday evening, when we talk about Guaranteed Win Day&#153.&#160 See you then.

Denizens, once again my workload betrays me as we begin this edition of the Perfect Football Weekend&#153 – such that I don’t have a story to rant about (there’s not been time to look)

So let’s get on with it.&#160 My Arlington Heights Yellow Jackets are playing the O.D. Wyatt Chaparrals for the District 7-5A championship.&#160 (Yes, it’s still early in the season, but Wyatt’s the only team in the district that even looks&#160 like it could take Heights.)

And as I’m writing this, the Chaps aren’t doing a very good job – it’s 52-15, Heights, in the fourth.&#160 We’ll chalk that one up as a win.

Saturday, Gary Patterson’s ninth-ranked TCU Horned Frogs continue their personal Bataan Death March as they go into Waco to play at #5 Baylor’s new digs.&#160 The Cubbies are an 8&#189-point favorite at home – but then again, OU was favored against the Tadpoles, so we’ll see.

Sunday, Andy Dalton’s Cincinnati Bengals, fresh off their whipping at the hands of New England, return home to face Cam Newton and the Carolina Panthers.&#160 Carolina’s still a Jekyll & Hyde-type team, and Vegas has Cincy as a 7-point home fave…which means that Newton’ll probably run wild.

For my wild-card games, I’m going with Indiana visiting Iowa (Vegas has it razor-thin, but Iowa’s at home), West Virginia at Texas Tech (Kliff’s Kidz will eventually get well, but not here), Rice at Army (if they can beat Southern Miss at Hattiesburg, they can handle the Cadets at West Point) – and of course, Oklahoma trampling the TU Shortdicks Longhorns (Charlie Strong’s dismissed about a quarter of his team so far

, and what they have left isn’t enough to handle a pissed-off OU squad).

UPDATE:&#160 I do note, for the record, that they’re now calling OU-Texas the “Red River Showdown”.

Well, at least it’s better than the limp-wristed, pansy-assed, metrosexual “Red River Rivalry”…&#160 (sigh)

We’re back Monday or thereabouts with the recap.&#160 In the meantime…I think Heights has scored again…&#160

When you run into a buzzsaw, there isn’t a helluva lot you can do.

Arlington Heights 75, Southwest 6

at #25 TCU 37, #4 Oklahoma 33

Cincinnati 17, at New England 43

Since I was down at the time I was supposed to have been posting the PFW preview for the week, all we can do are the Core Teams&#153 this week.

Heights…wow.

TCU…wow!&#160 (I still don’t really believe in Trevone Boykin as a quarterback, but he got the job done against the Sooners.&#160 And if he gets Bob Stoopes & company pissed-off enough to beat the shit outta Texas U, he’ll be doing me a favor – since I fully intend to pick OU for the game Saturday.)

Cincy…well, after all the crap going on in Foxboro this past week after KC got through mauling them

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, I doubt the early 90s Cowboys could have beaten them.&#160 Brady looked like a man possessed, and the Pats’ defense never gave Andy an even break.

C’est la vie.

This week:&#160 2-1.&#160 Overall:&#160 30-6.

The PFW will return Thursday, when District 7-5A in Texas will be decided.

It does happen. this past Saturday, not only did the MSU Bulldogs decisively beat Texas A&M(48-31), but Ole Miss beat number one ranked Alabama 32-17. For the first time since 1962 Ole Miss is 5 and 0, and the last time both teams were rankle in the top 15 at the same time was the 1950s. Needless to say, Mississippi college football fans are in a very good mood. From a Mississippi standpoint, about the only thing that could have made it better would be if our other major university had managed a win; unfortunately, Southern Mississippi seems to be rebuilding this year.

From the standpoint of the Vicar’s family, Mrs. Vicar grew up near Pittsburgh, and the Vicar grew up in Wisconsin, and both of us are USAF veterans.  Air Force beat Navy 30-21, and both Green bay and Pittsburgh NFL Teams won.

The question is, can we do it twice in a row, Mississippi State plays Auburn this coming Saturday at Scott Field in Starkville, both teams are undefeated, but Auburn is a 2.5 point favourite. Ole Miss will travel to Texas to play the Aggies, the hope here is that they will win so decisively, that the Aggies develop a complex about Mississippi! 🙂

We shall see!

Guys, I am down right now. AT&T UVerse has decided, in its infinite lack of wisdom, to go belly up on me. Updates, therefore, are on hold until further notice.

That is all. Carry-on.

The light has come on at Valley Ranch.

Hide de wimmen ‘n chill’runs.

TCU 56, at SMUT 0

at Indiana State 38, Liberty 19

at #12 Georgia 35, Tennessee 32

#6 Texas A&M 35, Arkansas 28 (at Arlington, TX)

Texas 23, Kansas 0

at Southern Miss 23, Rice 41

New Orleans 17, at Dallas 38

When things go bad for you, they really&#160 go bad.

Ask SMU.&#160 They thought they had a touchdown in the second quarter when Garrett Krstich completed a pass to Darius Joseph off Ranthony Texada, off whom Joseph rolled on the way to the end zone.&#160 Alas, Joseph’s elbow touching the turf downed him.

And as the Ponies drove towards a score towards the end of the game, QB Matt Davis was sacked on the game’s final play.

C’est la vie.

—

Okay, Denizens, remember a couple weeks ago when I said this?

This is Charlie Weis’ last year, you heard it here first

Such was the disgust at getting shut out by a rebuilding T-Sip Shortdick Longhorn team that the so-called “answer” to the Turner Gill fiasco got canned Sunday.

After he won only one Big 12 game during his tenure at Kansas, the Jayhawks have fired head coach Charlie Weis.

He was in the third year of a five-year contract.

Defensive coordinator Clint Bowen will take over as interim head coach, athletic director Sheahon Zenger said.

“I normally do not favor changing coaches mid-season,” Zenger said in a statement. “But I believe we have talented coaches and players in this program, and I think this decision gives our players the best chance to begin making progress right away.”

Weis went 6-22 at Kansas and won one of 19 conference games, his only Big 12 victory coming last year against West Virginia. Weis also only had two other victories against FBS competition. He is the second coach in a row to be dismissed at Kansas before reaching the end of his contract. Weis replaced Turner Gill, who was let go after the 2011 season.

—

Speaking of Turner. his Flames got nowhere against Indiana State.&#160 They threw the ball well enough, but were 1 for 12 on 3rd & 4th down, with only 33 total rushing yards.&#160 That won’t cut it on any level.

—

And that message seems to have finally penetrated the rockheads at Cowgirl Central.

Demarco Murray ran 24 times for 149 yards – his fourth straight 100-yard game.&#160 Only Emmitt Smith (twice) and Tony Dorsett have done that for this franchise.

With that dependence on the run, and leaning on the rebuilt offensive line, old El Choko hasn’t had to put the team on his shoulders lately.&#160 The results are promising for Cowboy fans.

That won’t get them back in the PFW, of course – but at least I can watch good football from two&#160 teams on Sunday.

—

As you know, I occasionally declare a Perfect Football Weekend&#153 by Executive Fiat&#153.&#160 This is going to be one of those weeks.

For in addition to SMU & Arkansas losing – two other of my most hated teams (Anti-Teams) bit the dust Saturday:

Northwestern 29, at Penn State 6

at Air Force 28, Boise State 14

Oh, it was such&#160 a PFW.&#160

This week:&#160 5-2.&#160 Perfect Football Weekend&#153 declared (3).&#160 Overall:&#160 28-5.

The PFW will return on Friday, when we’ll see if Arlington Heights is for real.

Any who have read my comments on marriage, know that I stand squarely in support of true, or man/woman marriage; unfortunately there are many in our nation who wish to change this, and they are happily using the courts to counter the will of the people, and to effect this change. This article, in my opinion makes an excellent case for allowing the people to work through their state legislatures to define marriage for each state.

It would have been a good weekend, it seems that Green Bay delivered a sound drubbing to Chicago(38-17). The downside is that Mrs. Vicar’s Steelers managed to pull defeat from the jaws of victory, losing to Tampa Bay 24-27.

Six years ago today, she came into my life. One year to the day thereafter, we married

And my life’s been a living hell ever since. 🙂

Still sorta crazy about her, though, y’know?.

Happy anniversary, Mrs. Venomous.

||||

Well, Denizens, I finally found something about which to rant as we begin this edition of the Perfect Football Weekend – surprise, surprise, it’s Roger Goodfella’s Goodell’s NFL (No Fun League).

Behold:

Apparently, Phil Phylicia Simms has a problem saying the word “Redskins”.&#160 And the DC faithful had no problem roasting his ugly ass because of it.&#160 (I wouldn’t have either, BTW.)

Enter Roger Goodfella’s Goodell’s NFl brownshirts:

Kristen B.
@KristenBerset Follow

#Redskins fans protesting Phil Simms refusal to use team name . #NFL official told them to take it down @wusa9
6:12 PM – 25 Sep 2014

Ray Rice originally gets only a couple of games for the left cross he gave his then-fiancée, but CRACK DOWN ON THE FANS EXERCISING THEIR FREE-SPEECH RIGHTS!!!!!

Mother-fucking fascist retards.

On to the football.&#160 Tomorrow, it’s the annual Battle For The Iron Skillet&#153 (otherwise known in Namby-Pambyville as the “D/FW Duel”) as Gary Patterson’s TCU Horned Frogs travel to Dal-wa to take on the Shitland Ponies of SMUT.

The Shitlanders have scored six (6) points.&#160 All season (3 games).&#160 And haven’t given up less than 43 points in any of those three games.

This is a major trap game for the Froggies.&#160 Lose this game, and it’s “attaboy/awshit” time again.

Vegas has the Tadpoles as a 32&#189-point road favorite.&#160 Gary…you need to cover, and then some.

Believe it or not, that’s it for the Core Teams&#153.&#160 My Arlington Heights Yellow Jackets & Andy Dalton’s Cincinnati Bengals are off this week.&#160 So we’ll go with an NFL wild-card game, featuring Sean Payton’s New Orleans Saints visiting the Allas Cowgirlz (still no D) on Sunday night (turn down your TV sound so you won’t have to listen to Roberta Costas).&#160 Once again, the ‘Girlz will do the Mediocrity Tango&#153 and wind up at .500 as they get their asses handed to them.

For college wildcard games, we have Turner Gill’s Liberty Flames at Indiana State (sorry, Turner, I don’t have that much faith in your program), UTennessee at #12 Georgia (the Dawgs romp in the Pound&#153), Ar-kansas in College Station to get flattened by #6 Texas A&M (sorry, Piggies, A&M isn’t Tech), T-Sip U at Rock Chalk (even with all the kids Charlie Strong’s kicking off the Shortdick Longhorn squad, this one’s a gimme) and Rice playing the sacrificial lamb at Southern Miss (this one should please the Vicar).

We’ll try to have a recap before next Saturday Monday.&#160 In the meantime, New Mexico State is a 43&#189-point road dog at Death Valley (LSU), and my question is…is that all?

This is why I closed the BBS, Denizens; it is eventually why I’ll shut down This Fine Blog&#153:&#160 No Fucking Time To Do Anything&#153.

So okay, here’s the recap:

Arlington Heights 60, Grapevine 14

at #19 Wisconsin 68, Bowling Green 17

#6 Texas A&M 58, at SMUT 6

Central Michigan 10 at Kansas 24

Iowa 24, at Pittsburgh 20

at Cincinnati 33, Tennessee 7

Denizens, that’s really all I have time for, literally.&#160 Sorry.

This week:&#160 5-1.&#160 Overall:&#160 21-3

The PFW will return tomorrow.&#160 What I’ll talk about is anyone’s guess – I don’t even know, myself.

For those who do not follow SEC sports, Death Valley is what schools in the South Eastern Conference call the LSU home stadium in Baton Rouge. The reason? Louisiana State University has not lost a home game since 2008. That six year streak came to an end last evening when unranked Mississippi State beat number 8 LSU 34-29. The moral of the story is that is never pays to underestimate the Mississippi State Bulldogs.

Despite his best efforts, the Vicar finds himself becoming interested in college football. 🙂

Given that I still do plan to close This Fine Blog&#153 sometime next year…well, don’t ask me why, Denizens – but I just pruned the blogroll.

And if that&#160 weren’t enough – and, bah Gawd (a little Jim Ross lingo, there), don’tcha think it oughta be? – I just updated to WordPress 4.0.

Guess I’m just bored.&#160 Or maybe I don’t want to do the couple of outside chores waiting for me (given that it’s near 90 out today, with 15,000,000% humidity)…

UPDATE: On the other hand, I appear to have found a bug in WordPress 4.0…

Update the Twoth (grin):&#160 Have rolled back to 3.92 for WordPress.&#160 (And General – if you should happen by, that’s it for updates (unless we get hacked again or WP fixes the & # bug).&#160 Sorry.)

To keep The Six or Seven Of You&#153 in the loop on this – I use “ampersand-pound sign” (or hashtag, whichever floats your particular boat) codes on this site for the purposes of blog-readability.&#160 I was taught in “hah skrewl” (a little Rush lingo, there) to use two spaces after a period or colon, one space for everything else.

Browsers, it seems, don’t agree. This is an example – I just put two spaces after that last period, but you’re only seeing one.

Hence, I “force” a space after every sentence by using a macro in my text editor that generates a period-ampersand-pound sign-one-six-zero text string.&#160 (For those of you in the Church of the SubTarded, that’s “. & # 160”.)&#160 I get my readability, none of you are any the wiser.&#160 (You SubTardians ignore that last part – that would never apply to you anyway.&#160 “Wise” is not how I would describe any of you.)

WordPress 4.0, apparently, ignores the ampersand-pound sign codes, and displays them as straight text.&#160 Which, if I were to stay with it, would make this entire blog, from February 2005 on, totally unreadable.&#160 Hence, the rollback to 3.92, until such time as WP fixes that bug.

(Murphy’s IT Law suggests that WP will consider it a feature, rather than a bug.&#160 Which means I’m probably screwed, big time. (a little Dick Cheney lingo, there))

Which probably means this is my own personal “mene mene tekel upharsin”, y’think?