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(The following is a column which appeared on my old web site, www.spatulacitybbs.com, on September 11th, 2001.  It is re-posted now in remembrance of then.)

NOTE: This column contains some coarse language. Back out now if such language offends you, please.

Aw, come on! Is that all you got?! >


Denizens, we start this week’s edition of the Perfect Football Weekend™ by mourning the passing of one of football’s greats.  Lee Roy Selmon of the Oklahoma Sooners & Tampa Bay Buccaneers, suffered a stroke last Friday and died at a Tampa hospital two days later at the age of 56.

Selmon and his brother, Dewey, were both chosen as All-Americans in 1975 when the Sooners won their second straight championship under Barry Switzer. They followed older brother Lucious to Oklahoma, and the three played together during the 1973 season.

News of Lee Roy Selmon’s stroke had already spurred tributes to Selmon on Saturday, when members of the University of South Florida’s football team wore his number on their helmet. Selmon had served as the school’s athletic director from 2001 to 2004.

“We all loved him, and we’re all deeply saddened,” said USF President Judy Genshaft. “We’re a better university because of Lee Roy Selmon. He was an incredible role model, who cared about all of our student-athletes, no matter what sport. He built an incredible legacy and he will never be forgotten.”

The Realm™ joins with the Selmon family in mourning the passing of their patriarch.  This gentle giant will be very much missed.

On to the football.  I promised you a Guaranteed Win Night™ – and, by Cthulu, my Arlington Heights Yellow Jackets are gonna deliver.  It’s the “home” opener at Farrington Field against Carter-Riverside – and no football program that takes itself anywhere near seriously ever  loses to Carter Riverside.  Jackets in a major squash.

On Saturday, Gary Patterson’s 25th-ranked (why, I have no idea) Texas Christian Horne Frogs (still no D until they show me something) are in Colorado Springs to get buzzed on a flyover by Air Force’s Falcons.  Expect AF”s notoious ground game to be shelved in favor of a bombs-away aerial attack.

Vegas has apparently figured this out, too – the line is TCU by only 2½.

Also Saturday, Fresno State gets to play the sacrificial lamb to Bo Pelini’s 10th-ranked Nebraska Cornhuskers.  The Bulldogs are not the pushover Chattanooga was, but then again the Huskers, with a week of competition under their belt, should be better as well.  Vegas would seem to agree here too – the line is NU by 28.

Sunday night, the Dallas Cowgirlz run into a buzzsaw – they’re playing the NY J-E-T-S-JetsJetsJets!!!, in  New York, on the 10-year remembrance of 9-11.  And  they’re going into the game banged up – Mike Jenkins, Terrance “Bust” Newman and rookie Tyron Smith are all nursing injuries, and the first-team defensae still hasn’t practiced together, I don’t think.

This ain’t gonna be pretty.

Bob Stoops’ top-ranked Oklahoma Sooners are off this week, so we’ll give Turner Gill’s UKansas Rock-Chalks a tryout.  Oddly enough – or not, given last year – the Jayhawks are a 6½ home dog to…Northern Illinois?


We’re back Monday with the recap.  In the meantime, eighth-ranked Bucky is at Camp Randall versus Oregon State, and if you think TCU’s gone belly up…the Beavers lost at home last week to that noted Div. I-AA powerhouse, Sacramento State.  So my question to HDD is…with the line at Bucky by three touchdowns, how many points do you  want?


(Hat tip:  Hot Air.)

Having ensured that Malicious Malkin’s hand-picked candidate, Michelle Bachmann, won’t get so much as a sniff of the White House this election cycle, “Mad Eddie” Rollins has all but uttered the famous words “my work here is done”.

Ed Rollins is going to be stepping back from day-to-day management of the Michele Bachmann campaign, and moving into a senior advisory role, he said in an interview.

Rollins said the reason for the change is personal — his health and the rigors of a campaign.

“I wish I was 40 years old, but I’m not,” he told POLITICO. “I’m 68 years old, I had a stroke a year and a half ago. I’m worn out.”

Translation:  “Damn – tying that millstone ’round Michelle’s presidential hopes and tossing them overboard was effin’ hard work!!!  Damn, I’m tired!”

Of course, on further reflection – maybe we owe ol’ Eddie a favor for keeping Malicious’ hand-picked out of the White House, hm?


Item:  After the Gabrielle Giffords shooting – in which Jared Loughner was shown to have more in common with the Left than the Right – Demoscummic libtards called for “civility”.

Item:  For yesterday’s Cheesy Chavez Labor Day snivel speech, Teamsters president head pussy Jimmy Hoffa had this to say:

“We got to keep an eye on the battle that we face: The war on workers. And you see it everywhere, it is the Tea Party. And you know, there is only one way to beat and win that war. The one thing about working people is we like a good fight. And you know what? They’ve got a war, they got a war with us and there’s only going to be one winner. It’s going to be the workers of Michigan, and America. We’re going to win that war,” Jimmy Hoffa said to a heavily union crowd.

“President Obama, this is your army. We are ready to march. Let’s take these son of bitches out and give America back to an America where we belong,” Hoffa added.

‘Zat so, Jim-boy?

Misha had the best take on it yesterday, but I have this to add:

Any of you union-thug-wannabe chickenshits feelin’ froggy, let’s go.  Rarely do I go anywhere nowadays without fairly close access to at least some  form of protective machinery (and yeah, you cowardly assholes, damn straight that means what you think it means).

Bring it, douchebags.  We’ll make you famous.  I and a few million others who’ve just about had enough of your bullshit, that is.


Let’s hear it for the TCU Horne Frogs!!!

Yeah, “Horne Frogs”.  No D.

Arlington Heights 26, at Azle 16

#14 TCU 48, at Baylor 50

at #1 Oklahoma 47, Tulsa 14

at #10 Nebraska 40, Tenn-Chattanooga 7

Dallas 3, at Miami 17 (Pre-season)

Aw, come on! Is that all you got?! >


There are times when this mild mannered Vicar(soon to be Pastor) would like to put in a call for some of his nastiness’s imperial Storm Troopers. My grandson suffers from Asberger’s syndrome, and as a result does not always react the way everyone else does to things. He tends, even at the age of nine, to be very very literal. As a result, the school has long had instructions that they are not to paddle Zack. Tuesday, the principal not only paddled Zack, but made fun of him.

Daughter had a meeting today with the Principal and other school officials which was not totally satisfactory. In other words, the Principal’s hind quarters are covered, even though what she did was egregious, and in my opinion constitute assault.

This woman(she is no lady) really needs to find new employment.


Happy Blogaversary to me;

Happy Blogaversary to me;

Happy Blogaversary dear Vennnnn-o-mousssssssssssss (burp!)

Happy Blogaversary to me!!!!!!!!!

It was eight years ago today that Spatula City BBS! ceased being a simple web site and became a full-fledged member of the Blogosphere.

Eight years, several CSITMF challenges and one douchebaggery, plays-with-inflatable-dolls chickenshit (yeah, Cortese, I’m looking at you) later, we’re still going strong.

Thanks to all 110,000+ of you who’ve darkened my doorstep.

(And to the ones who’re too frightened to – yeah, told you so.)


Denizens, the first regular season edition of the Perfect Football Weekend™…

VENOMOUS:  Okay, are we on the same page this year?  For once, that is?

MERLIN:  Ready, m’liege.

OZY McCOOL:  Standing by, m’lord

KORRIOTH:  All systems go, Admiral

K’HADIBAK’H:  Ready, sir.

T-BONE McMANX:  Hailing frequencies open, Your Rudeness.

RAYEGUN:  Would ya just get it over with and say  it, already?

THE SPATULAGODDESS:  Ready when you are, dear.

MRS. VENOMOUS (with cast-iron skillet):  As long as there are no asian hookers in this, honey.

VENOMOUS:  (ulp!)

VICAR:  Amazing you don’t have more concussions by now, my friend.

VENOMOUS:  The day’s still young, Vicar.

All right, then…kicks off


VENOMOUS:  (facepalm)


(Oh, well.  Anything to keep ‘em from going union on me.)

Aw, come on! Is that all you got?! >


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