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Denizens, in this edition of the Perfect Football Weekend&#153, we’re going to integrate the lead-in with the actual schedule.

My Arlington Heights Yellow Jackets have the Eastern Hills Highlanders (Highlanders?&#160 There can be only one, y’know) tonight at Farrington.&#160 It’s yet another Thursday game for the Jackets, who play six of their ten games this year on Thursday night.

Memo to the FWISD’s athletic department:&#160 They call it “Friday&#160 Night Lights” for a reason, y’know.

Anyway, Eastern Hills will be a tougher test for Heights, but not one they can’t handle.&#160 That is, unless they start gaping at the drill team up in the stands.&#160 Yowzah.

MRS. VENOMOUS (with cast-iron skillet):&#160 KA-BONGGGGGG!!!!!

…uh, ow.&#160

Saturday, 20th-ranked TCU finally learns whether it’s learned anything from the torching that Baylor’s (hack, spit) Donna-McCrabbs-wannabe, ARRRR GEEEE THREEEE!!!!1!!ONE!!11!, gave them.&#160 They’re at home against the Shitland Ponies of Stan & Muffy University, good ol’ SMUT, who like to throw the ball all over the lot.

TCU’s not a lock for this one (don’t let the -13 in the Vegas odds fool you), so don’t be surprised if I’m in a very&#160 snarly mood come Monday.

Oklahoma’s reward for handling Mizzou at home last Saturday?&#160 A drop to the number-two ranking, behind Swamp Gas U. out in Baton Rouge.&#160 (Memo to the AP:&#160 Mizzou’s better than West Virginia, mkay?&#160 I like LSU okay, but they do not&#160 deserve to be number one.)

Anyway, Stoops’ crew will take out their frustrations on Ball State, who comes to Norman to be a sacrificial lamb (Vegas is giving them 38, and that’s not gonna be near&#160 enough).&#160 Expect the second team early in this one.

Bo Pelini’s eighth-ranked Nebraska Cornuskers have it toughest of all.&#160 They get to go to Camp Randall Stadium to play seventh-ranked Bucky.&#160 I’d pay money to go see this one.

Bucky’s a 9&#189-point favorite here, which is sort of an insult to the Huskers.&#160 Field goal decides this one.

Sunday, Nick Fairley makes his debut in the Detroit defensive line.&#160 Right next to Ndamukong Suh.&#160 And Kyle Vanden Bosch.

And it would&#160 be against Dallas.&#160 (sigh)&#160 Sorry, sportz fanz – the Cowgirlz don’t win this one.

Elsewhere, Turner Gill’s swiss-cheese secondary gets roasted, as Texas Tech comes a-calling to give Rock Chalk a royal spanking.&#160 Vegas is being generous – they’re only favoring Tech by 6&#189.&#160 Mheh.

We’re back Monday with the recap.&#160 And I’m kinda glad HDD isn’t around right now – he might wanna put money on Husker-Bucky…


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