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Denizens, in this edition of the Perfect Football Weekend™, we’re going to integrate the lead-in with the actual schedule.

My Arlington Heights Yellow Jackets have the Eastern Hills Highlanders (Highlanders?  There can be only one, y’know) tonight at Farrington.  It’s yet another Thursday game for the Jackets, who play six of their ten games this year on Thursday night.

Memo to the FWISD’s athletic department:  They call it “Friday  Night Lights” for a reason, y’know.

Anyway, Eastern Hills will be a tougher test for Heights, but not one they can’t handle.  That is, unless they start gaping at the drill team up in the stands.  Yowzah.

MRS. VENOMOUS (with cast-iron skillet):  KA-BONGGGGGG!!!!!

…uh, ow. 

Saturday, 20th-ranked TCU finally learns whether it’s learned anything from the torching that Baylor’s (hack, spit) Donna-McCrabbs-wannabe, ARRRR GEEEE THREEEE!!!!1!!ONE!!11!, gave them.  They’re at home against the Shitland Ponies of Stan & Muffy University, good ol’ SMUT, who like to throw the ball all over the lot.

TCU’s not a lock for this one (don’t let the -13 in the Vegas odds fool you), so don’t be surprised if I’m in a very  snarly mood come Monday.

Oklahoma’s reward for handling Mizzou at home last Saturday?  A drop to the number-two ranking, behind Swamp Gas U. out in Baton Rouge.  (Memo to the AP:  Mizzou’s better than West Virginia, mkay?  I like LSU okay, but they do not  deserve to be number one.)

Anyway, Stoops’ crew will take out their frustrations on Ball State, who comes to Norman to be a sacrificial lamb (Vegas is giving them 38, and that’s not gonna be near  enough).  Expect the second team early in this one.

Bo Pelini’s eighth-ranked Nebraska Cornuskers have it toughest of all.  They get to go to Camp Randall Stadium to play seventh-ranked Bucky.  I’d pay money to go see this one.

Bucky’s a 9½-point favorite here, which is sort of an insult to the Huskers.  Field goal decides this one.

Sunday, Nick Fairley makes his debut in the Detroit defensive line.  Right next to Ndamukong Suh.  And Kyle Vanden Bosch.

And it would  be against Dallas.  (sigh)  Sorry, sportz fanz – the Cowgirlz don’t win this one.

Elsewhere, Turner Gill’s swiss-cheese secondary gets roasted, as Texas Tech comes a-calling to give Rock Chalk a royal spanking.  Vegas is being generous – they’re only favoring Tech by 6½.  Mheh.

We’re back Monday with the recap.  And I’m kinda glad HDD isn’t around right now – he might wanna put money on Husker-Bucky…


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