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Denizens, we start off this somewhat-late edition of the Perfect Football Weekend™ with the ultimate in offensive stra-tee-gery (a little Rush lingo, there):  Don’t let your opponents have the ball.

Because of the great variety in high school sports, it’s exceedingly rare that a statistic pops up that is nearly unfathomable. Yet, in a much ballyhooed Arkansas matchup between perennial power Little Rock (Ark.) Pulaski Academy and Cabot (Ark.) High, one figure in particular jumped off the page: Pulaski led the game 29-0 before Cabot ever ran a play.

[...]

After winning the opening coin toss, Pulaski drove down the field for a touchdown. Immediately following the score, the Bruins lined up to kick off … and used an onside kick. Moments later, the team was back in the end zone, celebrating another touchdown. As Pulaski lined up for another kickoff, it would have seemed almost unthinkable that it try another onside kick. It did, and it recovered it again, and scored again.

Guess what happened next? Another onside kickoff, another recover and another touchdown. After only 4:25 had elapsed, the then-No. 99 team in the RivalsHigh 100 led 29-0.

Quickly on to the football.  My Arlington Heights Yellow Jackets are taking on OD Wyatt even as I type this.  It’s raining here right now, so it’ll be a contest to see who can hang onto the ball.

Tomorrow, Gary Patterson’s 23rd-ranked Texas Christian Horned Frogs have their home opener against Louisiana-Monroe.  This probably should’ve been TCU’s Game 1 on the schedule – and, if it had been, with the Froggies getting all the kinks out of their game early on, I don’t think we’re talking about ARR GEE THREE  and the rest of Baylor’s stupid-assed little cubbies.  Heed the word, Gary.

The Toadies are a 31-point Vegas favorite, and I doubt it’ll be that close, unless backup QB Matt Brown plays the fourth quarter.

Tomorrow night, Bob Stoops will take his top-ranked Oklahoma Sooners down to Tallahassee, Fla, to play the Seminoles.  While Fla State got blown out in Norman last year, the game the swamp is pretty much a tossup to Vegas (OU -4).  Basically, the longer the ‘Noles hang around, the worse OU’s prospects.

Also tomorrow, what should  be a classic revenge game takes place tomorrow in Lincoln, as Bo Pelini’s 10th-ranked Nebraska Cornhuskers take on the UWarshngton Huskies.  If I’m Bo, I’m reminding my Huskers of the Holiday Bowl last year, when Widdle Jakie Fucker Focker Locker, aka “Ryan Leaf without the talent”, basically embarrassed them.

Doubt Bo will, though – last year’s outburst during that game has pretty much neutered him, and he’s likely on a short leash with NU’s brass.  I’ll settle for the 17½ points by which Big Red is favored.

Sunday, the Dallas Cowgirlz are in San Transsexual to try and keep from getting buggered by the FairyWhiners.

Now, I hate to say that this is a “must-win” game for the ‘Girlz – primarily because last year, they found themselves in just such a situation against Shit-cago, having just lost a game they should  have won against Warshington – they started off well enough, but after Da Bears figured out their blitz package, essentially ripped Dallas apart.

And if you think last  week was embarrassing, imagine what it’ll feel like to lose to Alex “Bust” Smith and the FairyWhiners’ “offense”.  No West Coast Offense this, it does well enough to keep out of its own way.

I expect Dallas to get torched.

I’d put Kansas in this week, but they’re at Georgia Tech, and the Ramblin’ Wreck is a 15-point favorite at home, and I just don’t trust Rock Chalk that well yet.

We’re back Monday with the recap.  In the meantime, Northern Illinois’ reward for playing the Jayhawks close last week…is to get mauled at home by Bucky.  My question to HDD, therefore, is:  Only  a 17-point favorite?

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