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Denizens, the first regular season edition of the Perfect Football Weekend&#153…

VENOMOUS:&#160 Okay, are we on the same page this year?&#160 For once, that is?

MERLIN:&#160 Ready, m’liege.

OZY McCOOL:&#160 Standing by, m’lord

KORRIOTH:&#160 All systems go, Admiral

K’HADIBAK’H:&#160 Ready, sir.

T-BONE McMANX:&#160 Hailing frequencies open, Your Rudeness.

RAYEGUN:&#160 Would ya just get it over with and say&#160 it, already?

THE SPATULAGODDESS:&#160 Ready when you are, dear.

MRS. VENOMOUS (with cast-iron skillet):&#160 As long as there are no asian hookers in this, honey.

VENOMOUS:&#160 (ulp!)

VICAR:&#160 Amazing you don’t have more concussions by now, my friend.

VENOMOUS:&#160 The day’s still young, Vicar.

All right, then…kicks off


VENOMOUS:&#160 (facepalm)


(Oh, well.&#160 Anything to keep ’em from going union on me.)

…with this story about a free-for-all at a “yewt” (a little Rush lingo, there) football game.

SARASOTA – Emotions ran so high during a youth football game in Sarasota, an upset coach charged the referee, and anger over his call spilled onto the field.

The coach and several others went after 41-year-old referee Jayme Ream, and seconds later, a boy on the Sarasota Youth Gators knock the ref right off his feet. Mob mentality seemed to take over, and it was all caught on video. It’s absolute melee, and the Reams couldn’t get off the ground.

Uh…unsportsmanlike conduct, match penalty, everybody ejected…repeat fourth down?

“It’s absolutely disgusting. I have never seen anything like that. The coach should be disqualified from coaching altogether. The team should be suspended for the whole year. It’s not giving sportsmanship anything,” said Greg Fabijanczuk, a football dad.


The Sarasota School District has terminated its contract with the Mid-Florida Football and Cheerleading Conference. That means league games will no longer be played at schools in the district.

Yeah, no kidding.

Let’s get on with it.&#160 The Dallas Cowgirls are in my former hometown of Miami – yeah, I only spent a cup of coffee there, but still – to play the final pre-season game against Fin.&#160 And Montrae “Tub o’ Lard” Holland is still on the roster, and I’m getting more & more pissed about that by the nanosecond.

Troy Aikman has come out as advocating a blowup of the team if they don’t win this season.&#160 For the record, this&#160 scribe thinks they’ve already started on it.

Anyway, five ‘Girlz didn’t even make the trip – Newman, Austin, Bradie James, Kyle Kosier (bad back – uh, oh) and Tashie “Can I have your autograph, Mr. Dog Abuser?” Choice.&#160 (And why he’s&#160 even still on the roster is beyond me.)

Friday night, my Arlington Heights Yellow Jackets start their season – and if it’s Week 1, it must be Azle and their Hornets.&#160 Game’s there this year, and I can’t imagine Azle’s forgotten the thumping Heights gave ’em last year, so I’m not expecting much.

Also Friday night, yours truly’s eyes will be glued to the four-lettered network as Gary Patterson’s 14th-ranked Texas Christian Horned Frogs are in Waco to take on Baylor’s Bears.&#160 (I would actually be there, but Mrs. Venomous has to work that night, and I’m not going without her.)&#160 TCU’s better, but this is in Bear territory, and neither have they&#160 forgotten the 45-10 drubbing they got in Fort Worth last year.

(Vegas seems to see it this way, too – the line is TCU by 10.)

Still, we can hope for the same first-game magic for Casey Pachall as we got from Andy Dalton, whose first-ever college game was a 27-0 pasting of…Baylor.

Saturday night, Bob Stoops’ top-ranked Oklahoma Sooners get fed what should be a nice appetizer, when they host the Tulsa Hurricanes.&#160 These are Tulsa’s Hurricanes, not Miami’s – but, given that half of Miami’s are on suspension right now, Tulsa’s may give OU more of a fight – which isn’t saying much, seeing as Vegas has ’em as a 25-point road dog.

Bo Pelini’s 10th-ranked Nebraska Cornhuskers, meanwhile, get to tear up Tennessee-Chattanooga up in Lincoln.&#160 They’re a 37-point favorite, so if it’s not a 40-point victory, expect Bo to go postal on Taylor Martinez.

We’re back Monday for the recap.&#160 In the meantime, Kansas is a 14&#189-point favorite against McNeese State, so expect it to come down to a field goal, and my question for HDD this week is…given that Bucky is a 35-point favorite over UNLV at Camp Randall, how many red flags do you send up if Bret doesn’t beat ’em by at least 50?


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