Local time where you're at. ("Where you're at"?)

Okay, so I brought up the Dullest Moaning Snooze website for some reason or other, and this is what I’m graced with:

Now, doesn’t she look cute there, folks?&#160 “Look at me – pity me ‘cuz I’m too stupid to pass a simple little test.&#160 D’ya like my day-glo red hair?&#160 Am I phat?”

Then I go and read the story – and damned near get an RCOB moment over the whining perpetrated by these sorry-assed punks.

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Rumor has it that US Senator Kay Bailey Hutchison has her eye on the Governor’s Mansion in 2006.

Based on this story, I’d be inclined to vote for her. (That Big Dickhead Perry has linguini for a fucking spine has a little bit to do with it too – but that’s another post.)

She may be able to hang a giant Lone Star flag outside her office, but Sen. Kay Bailey Hutchison said Thursday there’s one part of her Texas culture she couldn’t bring to the nation’s capital — her handgun.

(shrug) I don’t know why not.&#160 It doesn’t keep the drug dealers, nor the murders, nor the armed robbers, from having their&#160 guns within easy reach.&#160 Doesn’t seem to me like the DC cops do all that good a job of keeping track of the guns…

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Oh, no.&#160 What’s the Blather Review gonna write about now?&#160

CBS canceled the Wednesday edition of “60 Minutes,” saying the decision was made because of poor ratings and not last fall’s ill-fated story about President Bush’s military service.

Dan Rather, the newsmagazine’s most high-profile correspondent, will contribute stories to the Sunday “60 Minutes” and other news specials, CBS News President Andrew Heyward said.

Translation:&#160 He’s gonna be as active as a snail trapped in a Roach Motel&#153. (snicker)

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Denizen Tarc has passed along word that po’ widdle Mikey Cwook, the limp-wristed fucktard who hosts the site www.forsakethetroops.info (no, I’m not providing the link; you’ll have to cut & paste it yourself – I’m not giving him free hits), looks like he’s now faking his own death.

As of 18:15 hours Central Daylight Time, the site said this:

On Monday evening, the webmaster of Forsake The Troops was brutally assaulted by two men, thought to be members of the military, in response to their opinions about this website. Mr. Crook had been the target of numerous death threats and trespassers at his residence. All of these threats were saved and have been turned over to the authorities.

UPDATE: At 6:19pm Eastern time, Michael Crook died of his injuries, after being rushed by ambulance to the leading hospital in the area for head trauma. The two men who allegedly assaulted him are currently in the custody of police. Mr. Crook died with his wife and infant daughter present.

It is therefore the decision of his family, and associates that Forsake The Troops goes offline, to prevent further incidents of violence and threats against his family. Therefore, this domain will permanantly go offline at around 5pm Eastern time, on Tuesday, May 17th, 2005.

Comments, and well-wishes may be addressed to condolences@michaelcrook.com. Media inquiries (no interviews with family at this time), or sincere inquiries from well-meaning people may be directed to (315) 295-2602.

Leave a voice mail message and your call will be returned by our media representative. The family requests privacy at this time.

The Navy Times, however, is rather dubious about the claim.

So here’s my message, Mikey, you cowardly fucknozzle:&#160 You’re a lying little sack of putrid shit.

Sad to say, you’ve not assumed room temperature, nor are you anywhere close&#160 to assuming it, so bugger off, you walking leaky colostomy bag.&#160 Suggest you go fuck yourself with a rusty lead pipe – it’ll be another infection you can add to your collection.

Bastard.

Okay, guys, can you tell I’m jonesing for football…?

Now, if the pooch’s name was only “Rothelisberger”…

Guys, we have ourselves a slam-dunk winner in the Spatula City BBS! 2005 “No Shit, Sherlock&#153” award competition.&#160 Nope – no further need to count chads, be they hanging, dimpled, dented, whatever.

I would not have believed it myself, Denizens, had I not read it with mine own eyes.

Dingy Harry Reid actually put together a sufficient number of brain cells to say this:

“The goal of the Republican leadership and their allies in the White House is to pave the way for a Supreme Court nominee who would only need 50 votes for confirmation rather than 60,” the number of senators needed to maintain a filibuster blocking a confirmation vote, Reid said.

No.&#160 Shit.&#160 Sherlock.&#160 That is&#160 the magic number for confirmation, don’tcha know, dumbass??? (Actually, it’s 51, but we have Cheney, so…)

Great Honkin’ Cthulu&#153, is this bozo ever thick…

Okay, now this&#160 is just plain stupid.

Public displays of affection are against the rules at Sky View Middle School in Bend, and 14-year-old Cazz Altomare found that out the hard way.

She got detention earlier this year after hugging her boyfriend in the hallway as he headed to lunch and she went to gym class.

Yeah, Denizens, you read that right:&#160 Detention for an innocent little hug.&#160 The kind of hug used to show (gasp, ARRRRRGH!!!!) affection.

What in the Hell&#153&#160 is this world coming to?!?!?!

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This is getting to be a weekly thing with Dr. YEEEARRRRRGH!!!!! – open mouth, insert feet.

Yeah, feet.&#160&#160 Seems one foot isn’t quite enough for ol’ Howeird.

In comments that offended even members of his own party, Democratic National Committee Chairman Howard Dean blasted House Majority Leader Tom DeLay on Saturday as a criminal, saying that the top Republican belongs in jail.

“I think Tom Delay ought to go back to Houston, where he can serve his jail sentence down there,” Dean told Massachusetts Democrats at their state convention.

The Head Jackass&#153 is saying this about a man who hasn’t even been indicted,&#160 much less convicted.&#160 That, more than anything else, should give you a clear indication of where the Demoscum want all of us right-thinkers who have more brains than to fall for their bullshit:&#160 In the slammer, locked up with the key thrown away.

Incredibly, in the next breath the top Democrat complained about “this ugly, nasty dialogue that is coming from the right wing of the American Republican Party.”

And you’re surprised by this, NewsMax?&#160 We out here in Flyover Country&#153 are quite accustomed to it, after all.&#160 It’s another classic case of the Donks pointing the finger at us for things of which they’re&#160 actually guilty.

Dean’s comments drew a sharp rebuke from Rep. Barney Frank, who told the Boston Globe, “That’s just wrong.”

Translation:&#160 “Oh, it’th too early in the morning for me to get righteouthly angry.&#160 I haven’t had my morning cabana boy yet!!!“

“I think Howard Dean was out of line talking about DeLay,” the House Democrat complained. “The man has not been indicted. I don’t like him, I disagree with some of what he does, but I don’t think you, in a political speech, talk about a man as a criminal or his jail sentence.”

Oh, spare us, Barney Fag.&#160 (Yeah, I called you “Barney Fag”, a la&#160 Dick Armey a few years ago.&#160 Deal with it.)

The fact is that you bastards put Dr. YEEEEAAARRRRRRRGGGGGGHHHHHHH!!!! right where he is, when you could have deep-sixed his candidacy before it had ever gotten off the ground.&#160 You can fake&#160 angst all you want, but we right-thinkers know better.

The top Republican has been targeted for what Democrats say is an abuse of congressional travel privileges.

A study released last week by the web site PoliticalMoneyLine.com, however, found that the top ten trip-takers in Congress are all Democrats, with DeLay ranking 121st on the list.

And this is supposed to come as what kind of surprise, again?

PotKettleBlack&#153 much, Asses?

Unique Visitor&#153 number 30,000 stopped by about 90 minutes ago, at 20:14:17.&#160 Came from the Comcast domain.

From the bottom of my heart, guys – thanks very much for your patronage this last year-and-a-half.&#160 I’m very grateful you guys choose to make Spatula City BBS! a part of your day.

Y’know, Denizens, I’m not just “nationwide” like the old ZZ Top song says – Spatulaism is being spread throughout the world.&#160

Most of the time, that’s a good thing.

Then there are the types, you wonder how they ever operate a computer.&#160 Such is the case with one particular individual who got in at the very tail end (read:&#160 it had already rotated off the page) of the Vladdy Pee-yewtin thread.

“So why should I be the only member of the Realm&#153 to have all the fun?”, I asked myself.&#160 And with that in mind…

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(This one will stay on top all day.&#160 Look below for new posts – today only.)

(ED. NOTE:&#160 The following originally appeared in this space last year.&#160 I’m reprinting it now, with appropriate tweaks.

And Skip – my son, you may not understand this now, but the reason I’m writing this has absolutely nothing to do with you, and everything to do with why you don’t get to ever spend any time with me, thanks to your mother and your grandparents.

And thanks to what they’re probably telling you about me, you might not even believe any of this – but it’s true, and I have the documentation to prove it.

I do love you, son.&#160 I realize your mother will try mightily to persuade you that I don’t – but I do, very much.&#160 Someday – hopefully – I’ll get to show you.)

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ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Rita Cosby – the hottest newsbabe on TV, in the opinion of this King & Tyrant&#153 – is gone from Fox News!!!

(insert multiple sobs here)

(sigh) Okay, Uma Pemmaraju, it’s up to you to carry the mantle of Queen Of The SpatulaHarem&#153 now…

Here in the Grand Metropolis&#153 of Dallas/Fort Worth, they have a problem filling TV programming time on Saturday nights nowadays.&#160 (It was a lot easier when you could run 90 minutes of the Von Erichs “whuppin'” some heel during the “rasslin'” program – but I digress, as usual…)

One of the Saturday night offerings in these, the Aughts is a reality-based series called, appropriately enough, “Cheaters”.

The premise is that men or women who suspect their significant others/spouses (both?&#160 Hmmmm…) are dallying around on ’em have these guys who run the show do a little reconnaissance, usually of the video variety.&#160 The evidence is then presented to the wounded party, and (s)he and the TV crew then go bust in on the lovebirds, whereupon chaos – and more than just a little hilarity – ensues.

It is, in its essence, tawdry TV.&#160 It also raises a host of legal issues, not the least of which is invasion of one’s privacy.&#160 The show itself is in its sixth season, and I’m amazed that it was still going after one.&#160 Why someone hasn’t sued these guys for all their pennies is beyond me.

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(Hat tip to the SpatulaGoddess&#153)

Ahem.

Picture me with a very&#160 smug, satisfied look on my face – thanks to this:

You did see that, right?&#160 One-hundred-and-three&#160 percent?

You may bow and kiss the conservative ring, mheh. (grin)

Okay, so Chris Muir – he of the “how many times can I get a brainstem reaction outta Spats with a picture of Sam” persuasion – did a Day By Day&#160 strip this morning that pointed to a blogger named Cathy Seipp.&#160 As is my wont as a King & Tyrant&#153, I promptly went over to check out Cathy’s fine work.

And very nearly had an RCOB moment at something of hers I read about fathers’ rights.

“You’re taking one person’s life and ruining it to make another person’s better,” says movement leader Michael Newdow, who also laments the fact that “women can choose to end a pregnancy but men can’t.”

As much as I detest Mad Mikey Newdow’s ugly face, I have to admit he has a point here.&#160 Not that I wanna see any&#160 abortions take place, but why can’t the father have any say in it?&#160 It is&#160 his DNA too, after all.

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