Local time where you're at. ("Where you're at"?)

The Department of Up Is Down, Down Is Up, Etc.&#153 brings us this disturbing little item about a heretofore charming kids’ park that’s about to turn into the Last Chance Effing Saloon.

Texas Alcoholic Beverage Commission administrator Alan Steen on Wednesday signed an order potentially clearing the way for beer sales next month at Six Flags and also at its nearby Hurricane Harbor water park. Three opponents granted party status, including Arlington Mayor Robert Cluck, have 23 days to file a request for another hearing or to allow the alcohol license to be issued.

Sharon Parker, a Six Flags spokeswoman, said she was confident park officials had presented a convincing case.

Oh, I’m ever-so-sure you did, Shari baby.&#160 How better to enhance and magnify the world-renowned Six Flags Experience&#153 than by having potentially two-thirds of the customers good & lathered up, hm?&#160 I know I’ve always wanted to visit the universally-famous amusement park and take in the aroma of cotton candy, hot dogs & lemonade mixed in with that wonderful&#160 stench of beer.

(Not to mention the resulting Rancid Reek O’ Retch-ery&#153 when someone who’s tipped a few too many tries to ride the Shock Wave, but we’ll try not to think about that, will we?)

Yeah, I’m sure’s Hell&#153 convinced, alrighty.&#160

“Our sister park in San Antonio as well as other entertainment venues throughout the state of Texas have proven that you can serve beer – and in some cases other mixed beverages – and still provide a family-friendly atmosphere,” she said.

I call bullshit.&#160 For starters, I’d like to see just how many times your police “security personnel” were called in to give a little “attitude adjustment” to a someone soused up on Sam Adams.&#160 How many times the park gendarmes&#160 had to deal with a pickled patron who’d pounded one too many Pabsts.

Unless you’d like to show me&#160 those spreadsheets, Shari baby, I think I’ll remain a little dubious about your so-called “family-friendly” bullshit, mkay?

Glad we could clear that up.

Those opposed to beer sales said mixing alcohol with an environment filled with children was a bad idea and could lead to more injuries inside the park and more drunken driving accidents on nearby roads.

Oh, “could”, my lily-white cracker ass.&#160 This half-assed decision by the Texas Alcoholic Beverage Commission absolutely will&#160 lead to more of that.&#160 Count on it.

Incidentally, you might be interested in knowing that this is the same TABC that a couple weeks ago stripped Silver City Caberet in Dallas (pun definitely intended) of its liquor license.

The state of Texas is declaring victory over what it calls one of the most problematic topless clubs in the state.

Texas Alcoholic Beverage Commission agents have stripped Silver City Cabaret in Dallas of its license to serve alcohol after trying for five years.

So, essentially, what you’ve got is that a bunch of fuckheaded, loose-assed dorkwads in Austin say that you can’t have beer at an adults-only strip club, but you can have beer in front of the kiddies at Six Flags.

Nice.&#160 Real fuckin’ nice.&#160