VENOMOUS:  Okay, guys, we gotta hurry here.
KORRIOTH:  All hands on deck!
OZY McCOOL:  Jeez, lookit the time!
VENOMOUS:  Awright, ready everyone?
CREW:  Aye, sir!
VENOMOUS:  Okay, here we go…
The first official Perfect Football Weekend™ of the season kicks off…
ALL (including VENOMOUS) (staccato):  CORNY!!!
VENOMOUS:  Thank you, all.
…kicks off with the news that the NFL is going to use replacement zebras for at least the first game…and maybe beyond that.
The NFL will open the regular season next week with replacement officials and said it was prepared to use them “as much … as necessary” afterward.
Replacements will be on the field beginning next Wednesday night when the Dallas Cowboys visit the New York Giants to open the season, league executive Ray Anderson told the 32 teams. Negotiations are at a standstill between the NFL and the officials’ union.
The NFL Referees Association was locked out in early June and talks on a new collective bargaining agreement have gone nowhere. Replacements have been used throughout the preseason, with mixed results.
They could hire chimpanzees in striped shirts to do these games, if you ask me – as long as they’ll fucking call the holding the New York Football Douchebags commit on EVERY FUCKING PLAY, AWRIGHT?!?!?!
Let’s get on with it.  As I write this, the Cowboyz are hosting the Miami Dolphins, up 20-6 as we start the third.  Matt Moore’s in at QB for the Fins, and he doesn’t look anything  like the rookie that so impressed as a Cowboy.  One wonders if he’ll even make the final cut.
Friday night is Week Zero for my Arlington Heights Yellow Jackets and their new coach, Todd Whitten.  But unlike previous years, it’s not the Hornets in Azle – it’s the Buffaloes Hawks in Haltom City (aka Birdville).
Uh, oh.  Birdvills is traditionally good.  The Whitten era will not begin well.
Saturday evening (late  Saturday evening), Bob Stoops and his 4th-ranked Oklahoma Sooners might – might – break a sweat against the Miners of UTEP.  Landry Jones & the rest of the first-teamers play a half.
Saturday afternoon, 17th-ranked Nebraska will play host to the Southern Mississippi Golden Sh…uh, Eagles.  (Sorry, Vicar.  Old habits die hard.)  Southern Miss is a 20-point road dog, and for good reason:  At home, they’re world-beaters.  On the road?  Meh, not so much.  Nebraska should cover.
Also Saturday afternoon, 12th-ranked Wisconsin will feast on Northern Iowa Panther up at Camp Randall.  Vegas hasn’t put a line on this one, which should tell you something.  Bucky gets fourth-stringers in here.
And…we have a last-minute entry to the PFW:  The Liberty Flames of the Big South conference.
Why, you ask?
Have you noticed I haven’t mentioned Turner Gill up until now?
Well, guess who I found?
Turner’s been hired as the head football coach at Liberty.  (That is  Jerry Falwell’s Liberty, in case you were wondering.)  They will take on Wake Forest – yes, that  Wake Forest – and this is another game that Vegas isn’t rating.
Therefore…as long as Liberty keeps it within 99, we’ll call it a win and be grateful.
In other action, Penn State (hack, spit) is at home against Ohio University…and while Vegas has State -6½, I’m not convinced that Ohio U. doesn’t win this game outright.
We’re back Monday or so for the recap.  In the meantime, my question for HDD is…red or white wine with NIU Panther?
Paging the Vicar, please pick up the nearest white courtesy phone.
Vicar, please pick up the nearest white courtesy phone.
Folks sorry about the interruption, but can we all stop for a moment and say a prayer for all the people on the Gulf Coast that have been or will be in the path of Isaac and/or the accompanying rain. By now I’m sure you’ve seen the beating that this Category 1 storm (which is now seemingly parked over central Louisiana as a tropical storm) that first Florida and now Alabama, Mississippi as well as Louisiana are being handed. Not to mention say one as well for the emergency responders, other aid workers, and friends/neighbors/relatives who are en route or already on the ground assisting those affected.
We here in the Southern Command are sure that once again the most charitable nation and people in the entire world will do whatever is necessary to lend a hand to those in need. Without the gubmint telling us to, or moving a finger to do the same themselves.
Thank you and ThatIsAll™.