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Denizens, let’s start your week off with a clean joke, shall we?&#160 This comes courtesy of our semi-regular correspondent, Lady Heather:

A man and a woman were just divorced, on their way out of the courthouse they are both killed by a runaway bus. In Heaven, they have 2nd thoughts about their divorce so they go to St. Peter and ask to be remarried. St. Peter said “Come back in 15 years!”

15 years later, they’re back and a minister remarries them. Soon after they start fighting again, and want to split up.

So they go back to St. Peter and ask to be divorced. St. Peter throws up his hands and says “It took me 15 years to find a preacher up here and now you want me to find a lawyer??!!”

Mheh.

For your Sunday Tidbit&#153 today, LC Jack Deth brings us these “Shitcan” Sheehan haikus:

Crawford Haikus:

Texas sun is Hot!
Fire Ants are Unforgiving!
Where’s The Media?!!!

Protesting’s No Fun
When Cindy’s left for L.A.
No Motivation!

Too many topics!
Not enough focused people!
Let’s all Blame The JOOOOOOOOS!

Where’s the cameras?
Where’s CNN and AP?
It’s all about MEEEEEEE!!!!

Heh heh heh heh…

…do they still play it?

Okay, I will grant you – preseason football, to most people, is boring.&#160 Might have a better time watching paint dry.

But there are some of us who have missed this game for the last six months who are just happy as your proverbial clam that the game is back in any form.&#160 Guys like us will have the games on TV, even if we’re busy doing something else, just to have the comforting sounds of the game in the background.

Which is what I would’ve been doing – had I bothered to check the Fox station on Thursday night.&#160 ARRRRRRRRRRRRGH!!!!!

Memo to the Dullest Moaning Snooze:&#160 Just because it’s preseason doesn’t mean you can’t publicize the game, does it???

New Orleans 37, New England 27.

Oh, well, at least I caught a little bit of Minnehaha v. The Other&#160 NY Football Team on Friday night.&#160 Minnehaha might not be as good without their resident toaker Randy Moss, but they’re still a team to be reckoned with.

J-E-T-S-Jets!Jets!Jets! 28, ViQueens 21.

Monday night, the Cowboys take on the Seahawks up in Seattle.&#160 The Seahags will have one key to beating the Cowgirls, and one key only:&#160 Stop Julius Jones and the Cowgirls’ running game.&#160 Do that, and it’ll be a walkover.&#160 Look for Seattle in a romp.

Back Monday for the recap.

Well, until I can get around to writing about this week’s installment of the PFW&#153, you guys are going to have to put up with this screamer from Sharp as a Marble.

Spew warnings in effect. (grin)

The Department of “Hypocrisy Much?” brings us the latest episode of the ongoing series, “How Stupid Can ‘Shitcan’ Sheehan Make Herself Look?”.

Today’s installment comes courtesy of GOPUSA News, via their friends at Cybercast.

On a day when liberal activists plan to hold coast-to-coast candlelight vigils for Cindy Sheehan, the anti-war activist is moving closer to President Bush’s ranch — and complaining about “right-wingers.”

In her latest posting on Michael Moore’s website, Sheehan complains, “The right wingers are really having a field day with me. It hurts me really badly

Oh, boo-hoo-fucking-hoo, Shitcan.&#160 We wouldn’t be wiping the floor with your skanky ass if you weren’t providing us with so much material.&#160 We’d love to take credit for making you look like the fuckheaded bitch you are, but you’re doing a right fine job of that all by your lonesome.

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Our much-beloved, semi-regular correspondent Lady Heather continues on in Jeff Foxworthy mode with this contribution:

A redneck luxury car, of course.

Gotta do your off-roading in style, y’know.&#160

Guys, your tidbit today comes from fellow Denizen Robert Mullane, who received this from an acquaintance of his.

Read and nod your head knowingly.&#160 That’s an order. (grin)

Love This Comeback

One of my sons serves in the military. He is still stateside, here in California. He called me yesterday to let me know how warm and welcoming people were to him, and his troops, everywhere he goes, telling me how people shake their hands, and thank them for being willing to serve, and fight, for not only our own freedoms but so that others may have them also.

But he also told me about an incident in the grocery store he stopped at yesterday, on his way home from the base. He said that ahead of several people in front of him stood a woman dressed in a burqa.

He said when she got to the cashier she loudly remarked about the U.S. flag lapel pin the cashier wore on her smock. The cashier reached up and touched the pin, and said proudly,” Yes, I always wear it and probably always will.”

The woman in the burqa then asked the cashier when she was going to stop bombing her countrymen, explaining that she was Iraqi. A gentleman standing behind my son stepped forward, putting his arm around my son’s shoulders, and nodding towards my son, said in a calm and gentle voice to the Iraqi woman:

“Lady, hundreds of thousands of men and women like this young man have fought and died so that YOU could stand here, in MY country and accuse a check-out cashier of bombing YOUR countrymen. It is my belief that had you been this outspoken in YOUR own country, we wouldn’t need to be there today. But, hey, if you have now learned how to speak out so loudly and clearly, I’ll gladly buy you a ticket and pay your way back to Iraq so you can straighten out the mess in YOUR country that you are obviously here in MY country to avoid.”

Everyone within hearing distance cheered!

As well they should have.

Memo to “Shitcan” Sheehan:&#160 You wanna talk to someone, don’t talk to Bush – talk to all the Iraqis in this country like the woman in the burqa above.&#160 Tell ’em to go home and fix their own problems.

Or just STFU and go home yourself.&#160 It’s not like you’re welcome here in Texas, after all, bitch.

The Mothergoose reports, sadly, that her grandmother passed away last evening of congestive heart failure.

Your prayers for her family will be appreciated, I’m sure.&#160 Thanks.

Well, whaddya know?&#160 The blog of the SpatulaGoddess, “Yeah, Right, Whatever”, turned one year old today.

Happy happy, dear heart!&#160 Congrats on a successful rookie campaign!

Misha has four good missives on Cindy “Shitcan” Sheehan, the traitorous bitch who thinks that because her&#160 son – WHO NOT ONLY VOLUNTEERED FOR DUTY, BUT RE-ENLISTED KNOWING&#160 HE’D BE GOING BACK TO IRAQ, DO YOU UNDERSTAND, SHITCAN?!?!?! – was killed in action…well, she’s just entitled&#160 to a second meeting with the President, when the hundreds of families who lost their&#160 loved ones and do&#160 support the President haven’t even so much as had a first&#160 meeting with him.

It is worth your time to “read them all”, as “Straight Up With” Sherri is so fond of saying.

As for Shitcan, if she wants to know what the “noble cause” is, she should probably take time out from being the latest Leftard media darling and read this.

Not that she’ll care – she won’t like the answer, and she’s already gone over the cliff, started blaming Israel for all this and vowed not to pay her taxes (oh, and where are&#160 those IRS agents when you need them, eh?) – but there it is, in black-and-white electrons.

Oh, and Little Green Footballs reports that Shitcan has a new best friend:&#160 David Duke.&#160 Birds of a feather…

Game, set and match, Shitcan.&#160 “Grieving mother”, my ass.

UPDATE:&#160 Oh, this&#160 is a choice cut.

That “threat” of hers not to pay her 2004 taxes, because she (sobbbbbb!!!!) lost her widdle Casey in 2004???

Get this:&#160 She hasn’t paid her taxes for six years.

That “thwock thwock thwock” sound you hear is the IRS coming to get you, Shitcan… (guffaw)

(Hat tip LC PJB.)

With summer winding down, and the Texas Rangers undergoing their annual July/August swoon/fall from pennant/wild card contention, thoughts in the Realm&#153 once again turn to our favorite of all sports:&#160 Football.

Or, as we’re wont to say here in the Lone Star State:&#160 “F’ball, you bet”.

For the Uninitiated&#153, we have a little something here in which we engage every weekend in the fall called the PFW, which stands for “Perfect Football Weekend”.&#160 Every year, I take four teams from the ranks of “hah skrewl” (a little Rush lingo, there), college and the pros, follow their exploits, and chronicle them as best that time will allow.

A PFW is a weekend in which all my&#160 teams win.&#160 (As usual, I don’t give a fat rat’s ass about your&#160 teams – that’s your job. (grin))&#160 From time to time, I’ll even post my teams’ combined record – unless I go .500 or worse, in which case I’ll grouse about said teams’ sorry-assed head coaches. (rueful grin)

This year, instead of the usual four teams, I’ll be chronicling five:

the (Fort Worth) Arlington Heights High School Yellow Jackets,
the Texas Christian University Horned Frogs,
the Oklahoma University Sooners,
the Lousiana State University Tigers,
and the Dallas Cowboys.

The Yellow Jackets, Frogs and Cowboys are the staples of this extravaganza.&#160 The Sooners are a holdover from last year, for two reasons:&#160 Bob Stoops has toned down his arrogance to the point where it’s not all about him and about how great OU is (back-to-back national-championship game thrashings tend to do that to a guy, I’d think), and one can actually see that he’s simply devoted to doing whatever it’s within his power to do to win.&#160 I tend to like head coaches who are driven like that.

The second reason is that Little Willy Callahan, the lame-ass who turned the AFC champion Oakland Raiders into a 4-12 team in the span of one year, is still the head coach in Nebraska.&#160 The Cornhuskers are one of my anti-teams (one of my favorite teams is any team that plays them) until that changes.

The man who should&#160 be coaching the Cornhuskers right now, Bo Pelini, is now the defensive coordinator at LSU – which is why they’re on the list this year, as well.&#160 Pelini’s intensity is awesome; one of these years, some high muckety-muck who runs an athletic program or pro team is gonna see that and make him a head coach.&#160 Won’t bother me if it’s sooner rather than later, either.

So we had our first PFW this past weekend – actually, it started on Monday and lasted the entire week.&#160 TV football on Monday (Bears-Dolphins), Thursday (Chargers-Packers) and Saturday (Cowboys-Cardinals).&#160 Couldn’t give a flip who won – the simple fact they were playing and I could watch made it a PFW.

As it happens, though, I did have to sit through an excruciatingly bad performance by the Cowgirls last night.&#160 If Drew Bledsoe is the best Jerry Jones and Bill Parcells could do this year…ew.&#160 Just, ew.&#160 The switch to a 3-4 defense hasn’t helped the pass rush any, and the swiss-cheese secondary is still just that – swiss cheese – and it allowed a Kurt Warner-to-Larry Fitzgerald touchdown pass (one of five Fitzgerald catches, for a total of 81 yards), plus letting the Cards up from several third-and-more-than-3s.&#160 They did&#160 look decent on run defense, but that’s not saying much, because Arizona’s running game might&#160 instill fear in a middle-school team.&#160 Playing two men down.

But as bad as the ‘Pukes looked last night, Arizona still did their dead-level damndest to let them win the game.&#160 Took a safety on a punt late in the fourth, kicked off to Dallas and let Drew Henson take them down the field with a decent enough two-minute drill.&#160 Dallas, despite not scoring a touchdown, was in position to take the lead with just over a minute left to play.

On fourth down from the Arizona 30, however, a Billy Cundiff field goal from 48 yards – which would have been good, by the way – was called back.&#160 Backup guard Stephen Peterman was called for a false start, pushing the attempt five yards back; the second attempt drifted wide left.

Same Peterman who had one of three holding penalties (four penalties overall) which took the Cowgirls from first-and-10 at the Arizona 15 to fourth-and-50 – yes, fifty – about seven plays later.

It’s gonna be a loooooooooooong year.&#160 Jerry better hurry up, fire Parcells and hire Stoops, so we can start winning again.

The PFW will return Thursday or Friday to analyze next week’s preseason game against Seattle, as well as any other games that might be on TV that weekend.

I was going to post today on the return of the Perfect Football Weekend (known affectionately throughout the Realm&#153 as the PFW), give you guys the general overview and tell you what teams I’m going to track this year, etc, etc.

Then the SpatulaGoddess buzzed in with this little tidbit from my honorary sister down in Tinyville.

The PFW can wait.&#160 Some things are simply more important than football.

Welcome to the Family, Denita.&#160 We love you!!!

Misha has a great piece on the true nature of the ACLU that you should go read.

One wonders what Dr. Herb Gamiscut (recent commenter to the Realm&#153) would think of Wiccan prayers being okay, but other prayers being a bit too Christian for some folks’ taste…

Well, no sooner did I rip Chief Screaming Flea a new one for being a bit too quiet than he up and opened his piehole.

Howard Dean gives Republicans credit for one thing: They have put the Democrats on the defensive and forced them to fight on their turf. That, he said, is about to change.

“What the propagandists on the right have done is make people afraid to say they are Democrats,” Dean told a gathering of Vermont Democrats.

Uh, Dr. YEARRRRRRGH!, it’s not us&#160 who did that.&#160 As much as we’d like to take credit, all we’ve done is basically give you all the rope you needed to hang yourself.

And, true to form, you took it and did.&#160 Don’t blame us&#160 for you people being the colossal idiots you are.

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Lady Heather brings us your morning chuckle – a classic:

The Redneck Hot Tub&#153.

Mheh.&#160