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Awright, Denizens – front ‘n center, all youse guys.

With the official beginning of C’boys Trainin’ Camp&#153 down in the land of Mr. & Mrs Desperate Slutski San Antonio, comes now the advent of our…

KORRIOTH:&#160 What’s with this “our”, O Ye of the Smooth Forehead?

LSIK&T:&#160 You want I should ram a painstick up that schnozz of yours, Bumpy?

KORRIOTH:&#160 Promises, promises.

LSIK&T:&#160 Oh, hush.&#160 Go finish yer prune juice while I talk with the masses.

KORRIOTH:&#160 (grunt)

…uh, where was I?

Oh, yeah.&#160 Of our favorite yearly diversion, the Perfect Football Weekend&#153.

As you know, the Perfect Football Weekend&#153, or PFW for short, is a weekly event whereby I track four or five of my favorite teams, from “hah skrewl” (a little Rush lingo, there) to the pros.&#160 A PFW is scored when all of my teams win – or, in the case of some&#160 teams (Turner Gill, call your office), at least manage to cover the spread.

In 2007, I will be tracking the following squads:

1.&#160 The (Fort Worth) Arlington Heights Yellow Jackets.&#160 Coach Duke Christian and my alma mater Yellow Jackets are coming off their third straight playoff one-and-done, and for some-odd reason, they’ve lost their stud do-it-all back, Donnell Dickerson.&#160 Last year’s squad snuck into the playoffs despite an overall losing record.&#160 Things don’t look much better this year.

2.&#160 The Texas Christian University Horned Frogs.&#160 Season six of the enigma that is the odyssey known as the Gary Patterson Era begins September 1st when Baylor returns the visit that the Froggies paid ’em last year.&#160 Patterson’s crew is once again picked to win the Mountain West Conference – but then, they were picked last&#160 year and went 0-for-Utah.&#160 Considering that the TU Shortdicks are on the schedule this year, 9-3 doesn’t sound too terrible.

3.&#160 The University of Oklahoma Sooners.&#160 Bob Stoops still loves to win and hates to lose.&#160 But he’s no longer the pompous ass this scribe took him for several years ago, so he’s again on my favorites list.&#160 He’s having to replace two-thirds of his 2006 starting backfield, but Malcolm Kelly will return at WR, so that’s bound to help.&#160 Look for a second-place finish in the Big 12 South.

4.&#160 The Louisiana State University Tigers.&#160 As long as Bo Pelini is still their defensive coordinator (as opposed to being Nebraska’s head coach, which is where he should be), this scribe will follow that team.&#160 Geaux Tigers!!!&#160

5.&#160 The University of Buffalo Bulls.&#160 Coach Turner Gill (with whom I went to school Back In The Day&#153) returns for his second season as UB head coach.&#160 Buffalo went 1-10 last year, and didn’t much cover the spread in that many of ’em.

Hence, we change the rules a bit regarding the UBers:&#160 A victory will be scored for the Bulls when they either win, or come within 14 points of the spread (which will be posted on PFW Fridays).&#160 ‘Course, if they do as crappy this year, I’ll replace them with the Sisters of the Deaf, Halt & Blind.

6.&#160 The Dallas Cowboys.&#160 Wade Phillips (yeah, that’s Bum’s son) begins his tenure as Jerry Jones’ Greatest Thing Since Sliced Bread&#153.&#160 Tony Romo is now starting for the ‘Boys, so there’ll be no further posts entitled “Starring Drew Bledsoe as Vinny Testeverde”.&#160 I’m gonna go out on a limb and predict an 11-5 finish.&#160 (However, as long as they go 4-0 against Phuckadelphia and the Warshington Foreskins, the final record could be 4-12 for all I give a shit.)

As usual, I must issue the disclaimer that I follow my&#160 teams, and I don’t give a fat rat’s ass about yours.&#160 That’s what the comments are for (talk as much smack about your fave teams as you want), and as long as the libtards are cordial, they’re invited to talk about their teams, too.

First preseason games are in about two weeks, so let’s everyone gear up for F’ball, You Bet&#153!!!&#160