Posted by Lord Spatula I, King & Tyrant @ 13:13
One of the things that I’ve loved about football is its relative lack of political correctness. You run, you hit, you tackle, you have fun. Nothing sissified about this game, no sir.
(Well, except when it comes to protecting certain wusses (*coughDonnaMcNabbTerriOwenscough*), but we won’t talk about that right now.)
But that phenomonon that one of my old friends called “creeping liberalism” is starting to
worm work worm its way into the game…particularly the college variety. Which is where we find ourselves as we kick off this week’s PFW.
You already know how the NCAA tried to stick its nose into Florida State’s business where it didn’t belong, and how Florida State’s subsequent threat to sue the Hell out of them caused the NCAA to cave in. (The No Cojones Asinine Asshelmets decided after that to pick on someone who might not have the resources to fight back – namely, the University of North Dakota. We’ll see how that one goes, won’t we? Can someone say “equal protection”? Sure you can…)
Anyway, Saturday comes the annual football war between the Oklahoma Sooners and the (*hack, spit*) Texas Shorthorns (*hack, spit*).
(Memo to TU’ers everywhere: This ain’t personal. I just despise Mack Brown – he’s a fucking outsider who’s never won anything substantial in his career. Granted, he replaced the offensive snoozefestmeister Fred Akers, but then Akers never should’ve been there in the first place. Anyway, get rid of Mack Brown, go tell Tom-ass Hicks to go eff himself, and all will be forgiven.)
For the last few years, this game has been officially known as the Red River Shootout. (Those of us with ages approaching that of dirt remember it simply as OU-Texas or Texas-OU, depending on one’s allegiances.)
But apparently the term “shootout” is a little too violent for the pansy-assed, limp-wristed wussy-types who seem to have gained control over the promotion of the game. It’s now going to be called the (*hack, spit*) Red River Rivalry (*hack, spit*).
You heard right, Sportz Fanz. The Red River Rivalry.
This is the best they could come up with? A namby-pamby, non-threatening, non-violent, pussified boring name like Red River Rivalry?????
Memo to the fuckhead(s) who came up with this one: A rivalry, if you’d bother to look up the definition, encompasses – in the cases of colleges who participate in more than one sport – more than just one game in a given sport. OU and Texas are more than just rivals in football – they’re in the same conference, so that means they’re rivals in basketball, baseball, soccer, track, badminton, tiddlywinks…you name it, they’re rivals therein.
This is one game. One freakin’ solitary game. You dumbasses have taken the pageantry, the atmosphere, the abject hatred each school has for the other and gone and weakened it by giving it a pussified name like “Red River Rivalry”.
Fuck each and every one of you up the ass, and the Yugo you rode in on.
Awright, that said – let’s get to the game and crank up the PFW, shall we? The 100th installment of OU-Texas starts at noon Saturday in the Cotton Bowl, and TU is heavily favored. And, based on this year’s performance, the Shorthorns have every right to be. They’re the number-two ranked team in the country, and they’re going up against a group that couldn’t beat the motley crew that gave the SMU
T Shitland Ponies their only victory.
(UPDATE: The Shitland Ponies have just beaten UAB. UAB, how the Hell did you let that happen???)
TU has possibly the nation’s best quarterback in Vince Young, while the Sooners are starting a freshman who didn’t even begin the season as the starter.
All that said, OU generally reserves some of its best games for TU, so we’ll see. But it won’t surprise me if Little Mackie Brown finally breaks through against Bob Stoops in a big way tomorrow.
Also tomorrow, my Arlington Heights Yellow Jackets draw the short straw as far as scheduled games go (honestly, if you’re in high school, you want to be playing Friday night – not Saturday afternoon at 3:00 when you could be watching OU-Texas) when they take on the Dunbar Wildcats. Dunbar is a high-powered team that’s nationally respected and feared.
Memo to Duke Christian: You’ve already lost one district game – that had best be the extent of it.
And the TUC…uh, TCU…Horned Frogs find out just how much of a chance they have at a Mountain West Conference championship tomorrow afternoon when they take on the Wyoming Cowboys up in Laramie. TCU’s been decent thus far, but this game scares me to death. They lost their season opener to Florida, and have not lost since, with three of their four wins coming in rather convincing fashion. Give me TCU and 10 points – and even that might not be enough.
Number 11 LSU (there…that’s more like it) travels to Vanderbilt for an evening game – and while Vandy will put up a fight, I think LSU has too much for them.
Sunday, The World’s Greatest Quarterback Ever In The History Of Ever, Ever, Donna McPansyass and his half-assed sister Little Terri Owens come to Dallas to take on the Cowboys. As usual, the ‘Boys won’t be able to get to Donna because his line holds on every fucking play, and should they be lucky enough to lay so much as a finger on either Donna or Terri, the NFL will find a way to outlaw the technique used next season. That fat honkin’ Campbell’s-soup-hawkin’ mommy of Donna’s will bleat and squeal about it until they do.
(We’re still waiting, of course, for the NFL to take action against the Beagles for driving Michael Irvin’s noggin into the Veterans Stadium concrete and ending his career. But don’t so much as breathe on Terri Owens – that’s a flag and a fine. Isn’t it, Paul Tagliabue, you goat-felching dickweed?)
Can you tell I’m not real crazy about my chances for a PFW this weekend?
Back Monday for the recap. In the meantime, let the virtual tailgating begin!