Welcome to the Realm™ - Version 5.0...

‘Twas a One-Legged Man™ day in the Realm™ today, Denizens, so here’s something out of the Grab-Bag™. (A certain Austin-based DevilDog should appreciate this.)

Fahrenheit / Celsius
· +50 / +10
o New York tenants turn on the heat
o Wisconsinites plant gardens
· +40 / +4
o Californians shiver uncontrollably
o Wisconsinites sunbathe
· +35 / +2
o Italian cars don’t start
· +32 / 0
o Distilled water freezes
· +30 / -1
o You can see your breath
o You plan a vacation in Florida
o Politicians begin to worry about the homeless
o Wisconsinites eat ice cream
· +25 / -4
o Boston water freezes
o Californians weep pitiably
o Cat insists on sleeping on your bed with you
· +20 / -7
o Cleveland water freezes
o San Franciscans start thinking favorably of LA
o Green Bay Packers fans put on T-shirts
· +15 / -10
o You plan a vacation in Acapulco
o Cat insists on sleeping in your bed with you
o Wisconsinites go swimming
· +10 / -12
o Politicians begin to talk about the homeless
o Too cold to snow
o You need jumper cables to get the car going
· 0 / -18
o New York landlords turn on the heat
o Sheboygan brats grilled on the patio, yum!
· -5 / -21
o You can hear your breath
o You plan a vacation in Hawaii
· -10 / -23
o American cars don’t start
o Too cold to skate
· -15 / -26
o You can cut your breath and use it to build an igloo
o Miamians cease to exist
o Wisconsinites lick flagpoles
· -20 / -29
o Cat insists on sleeping in your pajamas with you
o Politicians actually do something about the homeless
o People in LaCrosse think about taking down screens
· -25 / -32
o Too cold to kiss
o You need jumper cables to get the driver going
o Japanese cars don’t start
o Milwaukee Brewers head for spring training
· -30 / -34
o You plan a two-week hot bath
o Pilsener freezes
o Bock beer production begins
o Wisconsinites shovel snow off roof
· -38 / -39
o Mercury freezes
o Too cold to think
o Wisconsinites button top button
· -40 / -40
o Californians disappear
o Car insists on sleeping in your bed with you
o Wisconsinites put on sweaters
· -50 / -46
o Congressional hot air freezes
o Alaskans close the bathroom window
o Green Bay Packers practice indoors
· -60 / -51
o Walruses abandon Aleutians
o Sign on Mount St. Helens: “Closed for the Season”
o Wisconsinites put gloves away, take out mittens
o Boy Scouts in Eau Claire start Klondike Derby
· -70 / -57
o Glaciers in Central Park
o Hudson residents replace diving boards with hockey nets
o Green Bay snowmobilers organize trans-lake race to Sault Ste. Marie
· -80 / -62
o Polar bears abandon Baffin Island
o Rhinelander Birkebeiner
o Girl Scouts in Eau Claire start Klondike Derby
· -90 / -68
o Edge of Antarctica reaches Rio de Janeiro
o Lawyers chase ambulances for no more than 10 miles
o Minnesotans migrate to Wisconsin thinking it MUST be warmer
· -100 / -73
o Santa Claus abandons North Pole
o Wisconsinites pull down earflaps
· -173 / -114
o Ethyl alcohol freezes
o Only Door County cherries usable in brandy Manhattans
· -297 / -183
o Oxygen precipitates out of atmosphere
o Microbial life survives only on dairy products
· -445 / -265
o Superconductivity
· -452 / -269
o Helium becomes a liquid
· -454 / -270
o Hell freezes over
· -456 / -271
o Illinois drivers drop below 85 MPH on I-90
· -458 / -272
o Incumbent politician renounces a campaign contribution
· -460 / -273 (Absolute Zero)
o All atomic motion ceases
o Wisconsinites allow as to how it’s getting a mite nippy

Dammit, can we bring some o’ that down here??!?!?!?! (grrr)


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