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Yet another One-Legged Man™ day, Denizens, so here’s something else from the Grab-Bag.

Hopefully I’ll have time to launch the PFW tomorrow. (sigh)

High Tech Computer Sales Jargon

NEW – Different color from previous design
ALL NEW – Parts not interchangable with previous design
EXCLUSIVE – Imported product
UNMATCHED – Almost as good as the competition
DESIGNED SIMPLICITY – Manufacturer’s cost cut to the bone
FOOLPROOF OPERATION – No provision for adjustments
ADVANCED DESIGN – The advertising agency doesn’t understand it
IT’S HERE AT LAST! – Rush job; Nobody knew it was coming
FIELD-TESTED – Manufacturer lacks test equipment
HIGH ACCURACY – Unit on which all parts fit
DIRECT SALES ONLY – Factory had big argument with distributor
YEARS OF DEVELOPMENT – We finally got one that works
REVOLUTIONARY – It’s different from our competitiors
BREAKTHROUGH – We finally figured out a way to sell it
FUTURISTIC – No other reason why it looks the way it does
DISTINCTIVE – A different shape and color than the others
MAINTENANCE-FREE – Impossible to fix
RE-DESIGNED – Previous faults corrected, we hope…
HAND-CRAFTED – Assembly machines operated without gloves on
PERFORMANCE PROVEN – Will operate through the warranty period
MEETS ALL STANDARDS – Ours, not yours
ALL SOLID-STATE – Heavy as Hell!
BROADCAST QUALITY – Gives a picture and produces noise
HIGH RELIABILITY – We made it work long enough to ship it
SMPTE BUS COMPATABILE – When completed, will be shipped by Greyhound
NEW GENERATION – Old design failed, mabey this one will work
MIL-SPEC COMPONENTS – We got a good deal at a government auction
CUSTOMER SERVICE ACROSS THE COUNTRY – You can return it from most airports
UNPRECEDENTED PERFORMANCE – Nothing we ever had before worked THIS way
BUILT TO PRECISION TOLERANCES – We finally got it to fit together
SATISFACTION GUARANTEED – Manufacturer’s, upon cashing your check
MICROPROCESSOR CONTROLLED – Does things we can’t explain
LATEST AER0SPACE TECHNOLOGY – One of our techs was laid off by Boeing

Mheh.

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