Yes, Denizens - I know it's Cafe Press. Yes, I know that they're a liberal-owned company. Yes, I'm aware that the quality of their garments may not be quite as good as ThoseShirts.com.
But unlike ThoseShirts.com, Cafe Press ACTUALLY ANSWERS THE EMAIL I SEND THEM!!!!
Denizens, we begin this episode of the Perfect Football Weekend™ by doing something I never thought I’d ever do. Ever.
Defending Warshington Foreskin perennial douchebag Clinton Portis.
Let’s back up a little. As you probably know if you’re not a perpetual member of the Uninitiated™, the NY J-E-T-S-JetsJetsJets!!!!! got a little rambunctious the other day when reporterette/eye-candy Ines Sainz – dubbed the “hottest sports reporter in Mexico”…
and with an ass like that, I can’t say there’s that much of an argument, can you?
MRS. VENOMOUS (with frying pan): Ahem.
{shrug) Honey, it’s a football story, m’kay? Besides, as I’ve told you before – I’m married, not blind or dead.
MRS. VENOMOUS: Keep it up, smartass, and you may be both.
Whatever.
So anyway, here’s Clinton Portis, come to defend the Jets:
“I think you put women reporters in the locker room in position to see guys walking around naked, and you sit in the locker room with 53 guys, and all of the sudden you see a nice woman in the locker room. I think men are going to tend to turn and look and want to say something to that woman,” Portis said in his weekly appearance on 106.7 The Fan.
“You know, somebody got to spark her interest, or she’s going to want somebody. I don’t know what kind of woman won’t, if you get to go and look at 53 men’s [bodies],” Portis said. “I know you’re doing a job, but at the same time, the same way I’m going to cut my eye if I see somebody worth talking to, I’m sure they do the same thing.”
Comments which caused the No Fun League to go into a major hissyfit and force Portis to apologize.
NFL spokesman Greg Aiello said the league quickly addressed the player’s remarks with the Redskins.
“The comments are clearly inappropriate, offensive, and have no place in the NFL,” he said in an e-mail. “We have contacted the Redskins and they will discuss the matter directly with Mr. Portis.”
Yeah, you’re every bit the pussy that you were with the C’girlz, Aiello. Riddle me this, Batman: what the ever-lovin’ hell did Portis say that wasn’t true?
NFL asswipes.
On to the PFW. Yes, this is late, so right now, my Arlington Heights Yellow Jackets are right now taking on the O.D.Wyatt Chaparrals. Never can figure the Chaps out – they’re good one year, not-so-much the next. They’ve played Heights close the last couple of years, though, so we’ll see.
Also tonight – and someone at Realm™ Intelligence failed to tell me about this (grrr) – Turner Gill & Rock Chalk are in Starkville Hattiesburg, Mississippi for a date with the Southern Piss Golden Showers Southern Miss Golden Eagles.
KORRIOTH: Still a little peeved over what they did to TCU a few years back?
VENOMOUS: (grunt)
KU is a 5½-point road dog, and as of this writing, they’re already down 0-7. There goes the PFW.
Tomorrow, Baylor’s Bears are in town to take on fourth-ranked TCU. This is not Guy Morriss’ unit any more, but they’re still popping off.
“We’re planning on going out there and upsetting them,” Baylor wide receiver Kendall Wright said. “Just beating them will help our program a lot and it’ll help us a lot.
“If we knock them off it’ll be a big upset.”
Thing is, they just might. The Frogs are a 22-point favorite, and should they be fortunate enough to win, I promise you that spread will not be covered. It may very well come down to Ross Evans.
Also tomorrow, seventh-ranked OU faces it’s annual Mountain West Conference foe at Norman when Air Force flies in (and boy, will their arms be tired (rimshot)).
Vegas likes OU by 17. Given Air Force’s defense, their great running game and their piss-poor air attack (football-ically speaking, anyway), I like this line.
The feasting is over for Bo Pelini and eighth-ranked Nebraska, as the Cornhuskers travel to the University of Washington to take on the Huskies. UW isn’t ranked, but they’re always tough at home. Vegas has Nebraska as a 3-point road favorite, meaning it’s basically a pick’em. Taylor Martinez had best have the game of his short college career.
Eleventh-ranked Bucky will have a somewhat easier time of it, as they’re a 13-point home favorite against the Arizona State Sun Devils. WR David Gilreath is still out from a concussion he suffered from that wicked hit we mentioned on Monday, and fellow wideout Nick Toon is also out of this one with turf-toe. Regardless, Bret Bielema’s crew shouldn’t break much of a sweat.
Sunday is the home opener for the Dallas Cowgirlz as they play host to Jay “Pick” Cutler and “Da Bears”.
This is an absolute, no-doubt-about-it “must win” game for Coach Stay-Puf’s boys – and especially for Coach Stay-Puf. If Dallas loses this one, 0-6 is right around the corner, and it would be a foregone conclusion that the team that had hoped to be the first to play a Super Bowl in its own stadium…won’t even make the playoffs. And if that happens, say goodnight, Wade. Owner Jethro isn’t that stupid, and neither are the ticket-buying fans.
We’re back Monday for the recap. In the meantime…mmmm, Ines Sainz…
As most of you Denizens know, I broke ties with the Southern Baptist Convention a couple years back over their climbing into bed with the greenies. (Which reminds me – I never did get an answer from Jack Graham and the Southern Baptist regarding the questions I asked them. Sucks to be them sometimes.)
But I was encouraged last year when the SBC kicked Fort Worth’s Broadway Baptist Church out of their fellowship. Broadway, it seems, doesn’t have the problem with heterophobes that the SBC – not to mention God – has with them.
Now, they seen the “Mene Mene Tekel Upharsin” from the Baptist General Convention of Texas (the state chapter of the SBC), decided to take their bat ‘n ball and go home.
Broadway Baptist Church of Forth Worth has pulled out of the Baptist General Convention of Texas in yet another congregation-denomination split over homosexuality.
The church’s move ends a relationship that began in 1886, when the BGCT was formed.
Brent Beasley, Broadway’s pastor, called the break “sad” but necessary.
Yeah, well, Brentie, baby – I’m sure that when the Lord spews you out of His mouth, a la Revelation 3:14-17, that He’ll consider that “sad, but necessary”, too.
Just fair warning, is all.
“We’re committed to welcoming all people here, and we would not want to do anything that would be hurtful to anyone just to please the BGCT,” Beasley said.
Beasley, you dumbass, it’s not the BGCT I’d be worried about pleasing or not pleasing, nor the SBC, nor your limp-wristed butt-humping members, nor even the Dark Lord Of This Particular Realm™.
You see, ultimately, none of the aforementioned have the power or authority to say, “Depart from me, ye wicked evildoer – I never knew you.” And your half-assed excuse-for-a-church is spitting in the face of the One who does have that authority.
Beasley said the church voted “without dissent” last Wednesday to leave the state’s largest Baptist group
Yeah, I’m sure they did. AFter all…wide is the gate and broad is that path that…well, we pretty much know where it leads, don’t we?
Well, we do. I’m not so sure that widdle Brentley has looked quite that far ahead.
Beasley described Broadway, which averages about 500 for Sunday worship, as doing well financially, with giving “well ahead” of last year.
And since you seem to worship the almighty dollar, as well as the fey types that like to ass-boff each other, it doesn’t surprise me that: a) the money’s really rolling in, or b) you’d go out of your way to announce it.
So be it, therefore. I daresay you have your reward.
He said Broadway will contribute directly to Baptist colleges and charities that previously it helped fund through the BGCT.
If I were any of those colleges/charities, I think I’d be inclined to take that money and tell widdle Brentley, “thanks, but no thanks”.
But that’s just me.
The church also will remain part of the moderate Cooperative Baptist Fellowship.
That right there tells you everything you’d want to know about them.
Glenn Beck mentioned some time back, warning to run far away from churches that didn’t preach the gospel.
Defying the odds – not to mention a host of so-called “conservative” bloggers such as Ace, Allahpundit, et. al. – Christine O’Donnell has beaten the shit out of RINO Widdle Mikey Castle in the Delaware GOP US Senate primary.
And people like Karl “The Ex-Architect” Rove…are steaming.
Twitter is going wild over Karl Rove’s running down of Christine O’Donnell on Fox tonight. Here’s is Rove’s Twitter page. Send him a message. I sent him a message and you should, too.
@KarlRove What is your problem?? Haven’t you done enough damage you pompous ass??
Lest anyone begin fawning and screaming hosannas over Rovie…let me remind you that he gave us two terms of Shrubya – which, while not as catastrophic as what’s followed, still didn’t help us any.
So we’re “pompous ass[es]” for wanting a true conservative to win a US Senate seat, as opposed to a pro-cap-and-tax, pro-abortion, pro-shamnesty, pro-Bambicare RINO libtard?
Lookit. The Tea Party vote boosted Scott Brown into the Senate from Massa-chews-shits, right? Brown campaigned on a platform of how he was going to be the so-called “41st vote against Obamacare”. Remember that, Denizens?
So how’d that work out for us?
Bambi, Dingy Harry and Pig-lousy managed to shove BambiCare down our throats anyway. And has Scott Brown vote with conservatives on anything since??? (That’s not rhetorical. I’m serious, people. As far as I know, he’s voted with the Donktards on damned near everything else.)
And now Rove gets a little pissy over the fact that we declined to send his (I guess) hand-picked minion to the Senate to help the Donks try & make us bend over and grab the ankles? And not only there – now we come to find out that the National Republican Senaorial Committee, led by my half-assed excuse-for-a-Senatecritter, John-boy “Cor-Whore” Cornyn, won’t give O’Donnell any financial support.
Fuck off, Rove, you not-so-magnificent bastard. Fuck you, Cor-Whore. And especially fuck you, NRSC.
This is why I don’t give my money to the national GOP. This is why I won’t give my money to the national GOP.
Fuck all of ‘em, the and.
UPDATE: Hot Air is reporting that the conservative base has told the NRSC, in so many words, “Mene Mene Tekel Upharsin” – and the NRSC has backed down and will now fully fund O’Donnell.
That’s better.
You NRSCers still aren’t what I’d call trustworthy – but that’s better.
It says here – according to Dullest Moaning Snooze hockey guru Mike Heika, anyway – that notorious pussified union thug Donald Fehr is going to head the NHL Players’ Union.
I stayed away from baseball for many a year because of a motherfucking mongoloid – and I do mean that in the aboslute worst of ways – like Donna Fehr. (I stay away now, primarily because – until this year, anyway – the stRangerS have been god-awful…but also because their manager got caught doing crack last year, and the Texasslack of organization saw fit not to get rid of him.)
I can stay away from hockey, too. And for as long as it takes, until more intelligent heads can prevail and realize Donna Fehr is nothing short of a first-class asshole.
AH — Dennis Brooks 31-yard pass from Omar Valadez (Marquis Jackson run)
AH — Marquis Jackson 46-yard run (Alex Faoro kick)
AH — Dennis Brooks 57-yard pass from Marquis Jackson (Chris Willis kick)
Uh, never mind.
Jordan Price & all-everything back Marquis Jackson combined for 144 yards. On six carries. Tells you everything you need to know, right there.
—
I dunno why I ever worried.
OU scored on its first four possessions in building a 27-7 lead against the ‘Noles, then basically lost interest in the fourth and let FSU score 10 for the final margin.
Landry Jones was 30-40-380 – yes, 380 – which is good, because the running game wasn’t all that great for the Sooners on Saturday. Ryan Broyles caught 12 for 124 yards and Cameron Kenney & DeMarco Murray added 4 each for 73 and 52, respectively.
—
When the defense damn near outscores the offense, there’s an ass-chewing a-comin’. And Bo Pelini delivered it Saturday.
Nebraska coach Bo Pelini delivered two postgame speeches after the sixth-ranked Cornhuskers’ 38-17 win over Idaho on Saturday.
“I told the defense that they played their tails off,” he said.
As for the offense, he said, “They got a good you-know-what chewing.”
And the reason?
Taylor Martinez ran for 157 yards and two touchdowns and Roy Helu Jr. had 107 yards and a TD, but the Huskers (2-0) committed four turnovers and had 10 penalties for 123 yards.
The defense carried the day. The Blackshirts intercepted Nathan Enderle five times, with DeJon Gomes and Rickey Thenarse taking theirs back for touchdowns, and they recorded seven sacks against the Vandals (1-1).
The Martinez line wouldn’t be so bad – except that (as noted last week) he’s the quarterback. And as a passer, he was 12-17-106. Ouch.
—
Speaking of sloppy play (this will become a recurring theme, as you’ll see), Bucky’s offense sucked wind…
MERLIN: Broken wind, I’d say.
Eh. Whatever, John Clay’s 137 yards was enough to stave off San Jose State, and offset Scott Tolzien’s pick-and-three-fumbles (he would throw for 191 yards on 15-of-22, at least).
The PFW does stop down for a moment to wish all the best to Bucky kick returner David Gilreath, who was injured on a punt and was taken from the field in the third quarter.
—
Okay, I give up trying to figure out Rock Chalk.
They lose to a Division 1-AA team, then hold off the #15 Division 1-A team in the land.
After that game, I know I read more than one call for Turner Gill to put Jordan Webb in as the quarterback. He listened, and did, and ESPN, at least, is crediting the move for the Jayhawk victory:
Kansas followed one of the worst losses in school history with a big upset over No. 15 Georgia Tech.
A week getting stung by North Dakota State in Turner Gill’s coaching debut for the Jayhawks, Kansas put Jordan Webb in at quarterback and promptly turned it around.
Webb threw three touchdown passes as part of an 18-29-179 day. James Sims had 17 carries for 101 yards for Rock Chalk, and the defense held Tech QB Joshua Nesbitt to 116 yards passing on 5-of-15.
“I want to publicly apologize,” Patterson said. “I didn’t mean to score the last touchdown. We don’t do style points. We didn’t throw the ball in the fourth quarter. That’s not the program we are, period. I did not want to score 60. I don’t think [Tennessee Tech coach Watson Brown] is very happy with me.”
Well, what’re you supposed to do, Coach? Put in your eighth-stringer and tell him to kneel on every play?
It was a Division 1-AA school. You’re supposed to kick their asses up & down the field – and, save for some very sloppy offensive & defensive play in the second quarter & part of the third (see what I mean about the recurring theme?), you did just that.
Dalton threw for 182 on 15-of-21, and the Frogs ran for 270 yards (Wesley 85, Tucker 53, and even the scrubs contributed 73 yards and a score – the one about which Patterson was peeved).
It’s like I was telling Mrs. Venomous: I wasn’t worried at all about this game, other than the old Northwestern State saw – and the Tadpoles took care of that fairly quickly.
—
This recap had been going to be called “Squash Casserole”. And the opening tag was going to be one word: “Yummy”.
That was before this pathetic excuse-for-a-pro-football-team gave me a severe case of heartburn.
Dallas outrushed the Foreskins, out-passed the Foreskins, beat the maroon-&-cheddar bastards in time-of-possession, kept their offense out of the endzone for the third straight game – and still lost.
And got woefully outplayed in doing so.
Two plays in particular cost the C’girlz last night. Each occurred at the end of a half.
Someone forgot to tell the brain-dead Romo that the Hail-Mary play was off, and he tried to run it anyway. He scrambled, lateraled to Tashard Choice – who, instead of going down when he saw Foreskins in front of him, bore into them at full speed – and got the ball stripped, which Warshington ran back for their only touchdown of the night.
Despite that, and despite the shitty way the ‘Girlz played for most of the night, Romo led them on one last drive down the field – then won the game on the last play with a scramble-and-throw to Roy “Clank” Williams. Who, for once in his miserable Cowboy existence, actually managed to catch it in the end zone and hold on.
Enter Alex Barron.
Earlier this year, Dallas traded away Bobby “Walking Stiff” Carpenter (who, let’s face it, wasn’t going to make the roster this year anyway) to St. Louis for Barron in hopes of adding offensive line depth. One little thing got mentioned at the time of the trade: Over the last three years or so, Barron’s been the most penalized player in the entire NFL.
We saw why last night.
Barron was called for holding on the play – his third holding call of the night, all of which killed Cowgirl drives – and, in the case of the last one, any chances of winning the game.
As I said at the top, if Jimmy were still coaching this team…well, not only would Barron & Choice not have jobs today, they would likely not have even been on the roster in the first place.
But these are the Cowgirlz. These players are, in the words of Coach Stay-Puf, “family”. They will be kept around, because these are the best players Jerry Jones could find.
In a non-salary-cap year, these pathetic jackwagons are the best players Jerry “Owner Jethro” Jones can afford. Go chew on that for a while.
This piece of excrement at tackle was the St. Louis Ram starter for the last few years. That’s St. Louis Rams, as in perenially bad, high-draft-choice-every-year St. Louis Rams. Did it never occur to you, Jethro, that Barron might have been one of the reasons why?!?!?!
Not only will the C’girlz not make the Super Bowl in their own building this year, they might not even make the playoffs. And it’s almost a certainty that they’ll never play in the big game again while Owner Jethro holds the team.
This week: 6-1. Overall: 11-2
The PFW will return Friday to try and figure out which one team will deny me next week.
I’m not typically one for overt commercialism in a situation like this, but below is a video of a commercial that Budweiser aired only ONCE back when the tragedy happened. No words are spoken, just the Clydesdales, some music, and one powerful image at the end. See what you think.
(The following is a column which appeared on my old web site, www.spatulacitybbs.com, on September 11th, 2001. It is re-posted now in remembrance of then.)
NOTE: This column contains some coarse language. Back out now if such language offends you, please.
I got four hours of sleep last night. I’m fighting the obligatory yearly case of tonsillitis. My throat hurts like Hell ™, my body is racked with soreness, and – not to put too fine a point thereupon – I’m in need of a tube of Prep H.
You get the idea. (sigh)
So here I am on LBJ Freeway in Dallas, plodding my way through traffic, fighting hard the urge to fall asleep at the wheel, literally. I’m listening to our sports-talk/guy-talk station on AM, the Ticket (KTCK 1310), when the sports jocks there suddenly exclaim something to the effect of, “WTF…?!”. Apparently, a heavy jet has veered off course and slammed into one of the World Trade Center twin towers in New York City.
“Wow,” I’m thinking, “they’ll likely stay with this one all day”, and I immediately turn over to the news/talk station here, WBAP 820, for all the coverage. Yes, I admit it – I’m fascinated by carnage.
At that point, though, I’m thinking tragic accident. Somebody’s plane lost its hydraulics and careened out of control, and the World Trade Center, unfortunately, was simply in the way.
That was 7:50. At 8:09, my worldview – and that of 280 million Americans, I would bet – changed radically.
It’s 8:20 when I get to the office, and I meet my buddy and old Wingtip Courier dispatcher as he’s driving up. He hasn’t been paying attention to anything. We get inside the office, and I bring him and our other compadre up to speed on things (he wasn’t listening to the radio, either, which was surprising). I go into my office and try pulling up a video stream for any of this. It’s 8:25.
Fifteen minutes later, the message is clear: America is under attack for the first time in 60 years. Yet another heavy jet has crashed – this one into the Pentagon. Reports are coming in about multiple hijackings. I’ve read a report about a worldwide alert issued last Friday concerning our resident international terrorist, Osama bin Laden, Two & two are quickly starting to come together.
(Side note: Don’t let them tell you they had no warning. I’m not kidding about that worldwide alert concerning bin Laden. They knew. Damned right they knew.)
(SECOND SIDE NOTE: As I go through the years, I’m less inclined to blame the Bush Administration than I was nine years ago. Sure, they knew it was possible, but all they had was a general warning. Nothing specific that said they were going to do what they did precisely on that day. So the Bush Administration gets a pass from me on this one.
The Demoscum, on the other hand…)
I can’t pull up anything on the ‘Net – and I have a T1 at work. The radio offers some details, but I want to know more. I run across the street to the CompUSSR to scope out the TV images.
And ohmigod – what TV images. I saw the second plane come in behind the first tower, and a plume of fire and deep black smoke explode out the other side. I saw the collapsed side of the Pentagon. I saw both WTC towers collapse – I had to ask someone if they’d collapsed all the way, so incredulous was the scene there. (A third building nearby would collapse six hours later.) I heard reports of yet another plane crash – this one near Pittsburgh. Rumor has it that the plane was headed to Camp David – we’re somewhere around the anniversary of the Camp David accords, so I hear.
Returned to work around 11:00 in a state of near-shock. Twenty minutes later, I received the go-ahead to go home. After a quick stop-off at the school to check on my wife, I arrived home and turned on the TV to Fox.
The images there were even more unbelievable than before. Fox had the direct angle on the second tower hit. They also had better angles on the collapse of both towers – although by that time, there was so much smoke & dust that one could hardly make anything out.
After a quick lunch, I sit down here to gather news stories, and I find this.
That’s right, sports fans. Here are a group of Palestinian squids laughing, dancing and cheering the attack on us, whom they call “the Great Satan”.
Compassionate people, those Palestinians.
Okay, now that I’ve bored you with my day, here’s my analysis: CNN early on was doing everything it could to avoid calling it a terrorist attack. But, Spatulaites & Spatulaettes, it’s too coordinated, too organized to be anything but. These events had to be planned months in advance. Certain people had to be installed at just the right junctures in order to pull this off – our airport security procedures, despite the fact that they’re handled by part-timers making minimum wage, are still way too strict. People who knew how to fly those planes had to arrange for passage on these planes. This would have been a major undertaking for simply one airliner – for four to have been hijacked in this manner and turned into suicide machines screams for the fact that this is more than just a Chinese fire drill.
So. Who’s got the capability to pull it off? Who has the money to train these thugs, place them right where they needed to be placed, and then turned loose? And who among them hates us enough to target us? Not to mention, who’s stupid-assed enough to try it?
If you haven’t figured it out by now, go back to school and take a comprehensive reading course. You think about it, there’s really only one man who qualifies: Osama bin Laden.
There can be no question. The mastermind behind the 1993 bombing at the aforementioned World Trade Center is so consumed with hatred for the United States that it sticks in his craw that he failed to bring us down eight years ago. So he decided to try and finish the job, gambling that we’ll be too chicken-shit to do anything about it.
(Second side note: Yeah, the Palestinians and the Taliban in Afghanistan are denying responsibility. Don’t believe the bastards. This is their baby.)
This is where George W. Bush needs to prove him wrong. Take this one to the bank, my friends: The Bush presidency – whether he believes it or not, whether he likes it or not – rides on how he handles this.
America is screaming for justice. More to the point, America is screaming for revenge. This is nothing short of an act of war. Yes, war. There’s been a formally undeclared one on us now, by most of the non-Israeli countries of the Middle East, for several years now. The Muslims hate our guts. The Syrians, the Iraqis, the Iranians – we’re their enemy. “Death To America” has been cruising at #1 on the Middle Eastern Top 40 for several years. They’re getting bolder, too – because they think we’re too cowardly to fight back. They think we’ve forgotten how to fight.
If George Bush has any balls, now’s the time to prove them wrong.
This is your solution, like it or not: Any country harboring terrorists – that would include Afghanistan, Iraq, Iran, Libya, Syria, et. al. – must be wiped from the face of the earth.
Scramble 30 bombers. Five warheads each – six if the plane will hold it. Bomb the shit out of these countries – get rid of these raghead bastards.
So what if you take innocents out, too? This is war, people. They don’t care about killing our innocents; why should we give a shit about theirs??
And that goes for the Palestinians, too. Let’s do Israel a favor and eliminate those sons-of-bitches from the annals of history, as well. They want to laugh and make merry at our misfortune, they need to pay the ultimate price.
Show the world some balls, George W. Teach them that there’s a price for fucking with America. Demonstrate to them that we have not forgotten how to fight!
The Restoring Honor rally back on 8/28 was a perfect example of everything we are NOT that this nutcase says we are, while being an utterly convincing show of everything the progressives ARE.
Yet, they have the audacity to deny the whole shebang when the lapdog lame stream media trollops in.
Guess what governor, we’re not nearly as deaf, dumb, and blind as your pollsters, Rahm, and your clueless leaders are. Don’t believe me? Well we’ll just see who has a job after November.
To quote the Church Lady, “Now isn’t that just speeeehhh-shhhhuuuullllllll!”
Sportz fanz, this week’s episode of the Perfect Football Weekend™ begins with the reports that former USC running back Reggie Bush is about to be “stripped” of the 2005 Heisman Trophy – ostensibly for “receiving gifts, cash and other benefits” while at USC.
Now, the Downtown Athletic Club – or, as I guess they’re calling it now, the “Heisman Trophy Trust”, sponsor of the award, can do what it wants to, I s’pose, regarding recognition of the winner – though, if I’m Bush, I’m cordially inviting the Trust to come try and take the hardware. If they can stomach doing so whilst staring down my friend Mr. Mossburg, if you know what I mean.
But that’s just me.
What galls me, though, is the concept of what they’d propose to do with the award itself:
Bush met with Heisman officials last month in a New York law office, according to Yahoo! Sports. Instead of passing the trophy along to the 2005 runner-up Vince Young, the former University of Texas quarterback who now plays for the Tennessee Titans, the Heisman Trust will likely leave that season vacant, according to the website.
That aside, the idea of even proposing that widdle Vinita should get it is beyond me. As you people know, in my not-so-very-damned-humble opinion, Young isn’t deserving of the award either, based on the Bush logic. Let’s just say I don’t call the TU program the Highest Payroll In College Football Today™ for nothing.
On to the PFW. Thank Cthulu for high-school redistricting every couple of years.
Normally, this would be the week that, following the Azle game, my Arlington Heights Yellow Jackets would be brought back down to earth at the hands of the Birdville Buffaloes (Hawks? Whatever). But because of biennial (biennial?) redistricting, this year Week Two of the Heights season will be spent this evening squashing the FW Carter-Riverside Eagles.
Carter-Riverside is only slightly better than perennial doormat FW North Side – which is to say, the Eagles’ one annual win is usually against the Steers. Give me Heights and you can have 60 – and I’m not necessarily being facetious about that.
Saturday, the fourth-ranked Texas Christian Horned Frogs will have their official (cough) home opener against Division I-AA Tennessee Tech. And I would be remiss in not reminding Gary Patterson about what happened ten years ago versus another D-1AA opponent in Northwestern State. Not that Patterson needed reminding.
Patterson still remembers an overtime home loss to Northwestern State during his first season as TCU head coach. And this past weekend, Jacksonville State — Tennessee Tech’s conference-mate — upset host Ole Miss.
“I just don’t want to be the next team who gets beat by an Ohio Valley Conference school,” Patterson said.
Arkansas beat Tech 44-3 last week, so this should be a somewhat similar squash.
Also Saturday, the 10th-ranked Oklahoma Sooners (that’s what happens when you look unimpressive against Utah State) have their toughest early test in several years when the 17-ranked Florida State Seminoles come a-calling. This is the first year in close to 35 years that Bobby Bowden is not the ‘Noles head coach, and they looked far more impressive last week in dismantling Samford (59-3) than OU did against the Aggies.
OU’s an eight-point favorite, but don’t be surprised if FSU wins straight-up.
Idaho State will come to Lincoln Saturday to play the whipping-boy-of-the-week for Bo Pelini’s sixth-ranked Nebraska Cornhuskers as they continue to prepare for Big XII conference play by beating up on the Little Sisters o’ the Poor. ‘Nuff said about that.
Turner Gill gets to see what a real college football team is going to do to his Jayhawks as the 15th-ranked Georgia Tech Bulldogs come to Lawrence to lay a smackdown on Rock Chalk not terribly unlike what Boston College did to the UBeefalo Bulls a few years back. The moral of this story: Gotta get your wins in when you can in the Big XII, Turner.
Early Saturday, 11th-ranked Bucky continues its pre-Big 11 Ten feast by having San Jose State come in to play the sacrificial lamb. Now, SJS isn’t all that bad – but they’re a WAC team, and WAC teams simply aren’t going to win in Madison – not even Smurf Turf Fuckhead State, were they ever to have the balls to play there.
Bucky’s a 38-point favorite over the Spartans, and I don’t think it’s going to be the close.
Sunday night, it’s Al, Chris, Keef Olberdouche and the rest of 30 Rock’s sports imbeciles as the C’boys go up to Warshington to take on Donna McCrabbs, the World’s Greatest Quarterback Ever In The History Of Ever, Ever™ and Mike Shanahan’s Foreskins. This’ll be the first time since they started keeping track that a quarterback has started three consecutive games against one team, and you’d think Donna’d be having nightmares about Demarcus Ware RightAboutNow™.
Warshington’s got a slightly better offensive line than Philthydelphia, though, so we’ll see. And since the C’girl offense hasn’t yet shown up, who knows what we’ll get. Guess we’ll find out, won’t we?
We’ll be back either Monday or Tuesday with the recap. In the meantime, keep praying for the Humble DevilDog, as he’s presumably still on the road and I’ve not heard directly from him.
Folks, there has been some publicity recently about a small church in Florida who is going to have a Quran burning this coming Saturday. As emotionally satisfying as such an exercise may be, it is a bad idea. Burning the Quran will not advance the Kingdom of Heaven, it will not show the sinners their sin (the second use of the Law) and it does not demonstrate the Love of God for his creation.
In addition to the above, there is this. Read it and give it some thought.
On the political side, the public burning of these books will accomplish nothing, and may well place Americans around the world at increased risk. This strikes me as a bad idea.
All in all, while the pastor and congregation of Dove World Outreach Center have every constitutional right in the world to burn whatever books they wish to burn, Good judgment dictates that they instead pray that our nation will repent of its manifold sin.
Before we start the recap, I’m going to note that Smurf Turf Fucknozzle State (which the hubby of one of my Denizens calls the “Bluefield Bastards”; look for that in an upcoming PFW™ post) hung on against Tyrod Taylor (what the hell kinda name is “Tyrod”? Someone working on the car when they gave birth or sum’pin’?) and the Va Tech Hokies 33-30.
Va Tech gave the game to the Broncettes. Taylor fumbled at his own 31, which led to a Smurf FG, and the Hokies got a punt blocked on the next possession, leading to a touchdown.
Then Va Tech got called for roughing the punter on the Smurfs next possession, allowing the Horses’ Asses to keep the ball and drive for another touchdown. 17-0 before the end of the first.
Now, I deliberately didn’t watch the game, but I’m willing to bet that there was no roughing the punter there. Since last year’s Fiesta Bowl, Smurf Turf State has become America’s Darlings, so you can’t so much as breathe on ‘em. They, however, can grab & jerk your quarterback around by the facemask without it getting called. Somehow, I get the feeling that the game tonight was as poorly officiated as the one in Arizona.
Without that 0-17 deficit staring them in the face, the Hokies kick the Broncettes’ asses all over FedEx Field. You jackwagons running the polls need to remember that before you annoint these pansies as the Greatest Things Since Sliced Bread™.
—
David Buehler made his case for being the Cowboys’ kicker, nailing four of four field goal attempts (one each at the end of each half); the one at the end of the game gave the ‘Boys the win.
Stephen McGee performed admirably (for a third-stringer); he had a nice 41-yard bomb to Sam Hurd for a touchdown in the second that was quite pretty, and probably sealed roster spots for both himself & Hurd.
—
Heights rolled to a 27-14 halftime lead and was on its way in the third quarter to putting Azle away when Omar Valadez lost a snap deep in Hornet territory. Azle drove it back down to make the score 27-20.
Up by only four at the time, DeMarco Murray took a handoff from Landry Jones’ hand and barely got there:
Given a few extra moments to think about it, Bob Stoops made a pivotal decision about how best to stave off a surprising charge from Utah State.
Needing less than a yard to move the chains, he put the ball in DeMarco Murray’s hands and went for it on a fourth down in his own territory.
Murray needed to dive and stretch the ball out in front of him as he headed toward the sideline, picking up the most crucial of his career-best 218 yards rushing and sending No. 7 Oklahoma to a 31-24 victory against the Aggies on Saturday night.
Jones went 17-36-217 and a couple scores (both to Ryan Broyles), but also threw a couple picks. Murray’s yard was one of 218 on the night, a career-best for him, and he added the 63-yard score that sealed the game a couple plays later.
Neither offense nor defense played very well, though, according to Bob Stoopes:
“Both sides of the ball, I thought we were inconsistent and I’m really not at all pleased with it in any way,” Stoops said.
At least he’s got a couple games to get better before taking on TU.
—
Zac Lee & Cody Green are still at Nebraska. But if Taylor Martinez has anything to say about it, they may turn into the Huskers’ version of Wally Pipp.
The only redshirt or true freshman quarterback to start a season opener for Nebraska, Martinez became the first Husker signal-caller since 2003 to run for more than 100 yards in a game.
Martinez led Nebraska to touchdowns on his first two series and on four of his eight. Green led the Huskers to touchdowns on his two series. Lee, who entered in the middle of the fourth quarter, handed off twice on a short touchdown drive and then ran out the last four minutes.
Okay, so it’s only Western Kentucky. Still, any offense out of a Nebraska quarterback these days has gotta count for something.
—
I’ve seen Bucky, and I’ve seen UNLV. I could have called this one in my sleep.
Two first-half blunders by Wisconsin allowed UNLV to stay close, even though the Badgers had dominated the first two quarters.
In the second half, Wisconsin eliminated the mistakes and buried the Rebels.
John Clay and Montee Ball each ran for two touchdowns to lead No. 12 Wisconsin past UNLV 41-21 on Saturday night.
Clay finished with 123 yards on 17 carries and Ball had 79 on 16 rushes. The Badgers outscored the Rebels 24-0 in the third quarter after leading 17-14 at half.
Bret Bielema can stay another week.
—
Great. Honkin’. Cthulu.
Am I gonna have to implement the SpatulaLine™ on Kansas U. f’ball? What in the sam-hell was this shit?
Kansas committed three turnovers, including a fumble with less than four minutes to play, as it opened the 2010 football season with a 6-3 loss at the hands of North Dakota State. KU committed two fumbles and had a pass intercepted in the end zone, as it suffered a season-opening loss for the first time since 2003.
The Jayhawk defense held North Dakota State to just 168 total yards and 10 first downs, but KU was penalized eight times for 70 yards several of which extended NDSU drives. The Kansas offense out-gained NDSU 293-168, but was stalled by its’ three turnovers.
Turner Gill, you just lost your opener, at home, to a (someone correct me here?) Division I-AA school. A game where your third-stringers should have kicked major Bison ass goes in the loss column for you.
A Dalton pass leading to the first points for a team in orange? Check.
A successful fake punt leading to an opponent’s touchdown? Check.
A defense that had Dalton on the run all night long? Check.
Fortunately for me and the Horned Frogs, we weren’t in Phoenix, and this wasn’t the Fiesta Bowl. Dalton overcame what he called “freshman mistakes” and guided the Froggies on four methodical scoring drives to lift the Purple. A snap that OSU quarterback Ryan Katz didn’t see coming and had to kick out of the back of his own end zone provided the final margin.
Dalton was 17-of-27 for only 175 yards, but Ed Wesley & Matthew Tucker combined for 208 yards on the ground as TCU wore down a good Beaver defense (aided, in part, by the Texas heat, as they opened the roof at Cowboys Stadium and let in the 80-plus-degree Texas night – much to my everlasting chagrin).
The Frogs have some problems they need to work on – the secondary isn’t the shutdown unit it was last year, though Greg McCoy will be a good one. Wayne Daniels isn’t Jerry Hughes yet, but he may very well become that, as he had two sacks against a very good OSU line. And there’s Dalton’s sudden tendency to throw to the other team’s jersey, which he needs to fix, as well as ridding himself of the notion that he can force throws at will.
This week: 5-1 (Dallas-Miami, being preseason, doesn’t count).
Another major problem is the Frogs’ new uniforms. We’ll cover that, and give thanks to the high-school schedule gods, when the PFW returns on Thursday.
Didn’t think I was going to have anything (or any reason) about which to write tonight.
Then, as I’m looking through old Movable Type archives (they’re still there, believe it or not – probably need to do something about that), it hits me.
I let my blogiversary come and go, and never even gave it a second thought.
It was seven years ago last Thursday that, after a brief introduction, I penned my first screed, about the then-chief of the Dallas Police Department, an incompetent boob named Bolton – who, as it turns out, really was a bad police chief.
If the facts as presented here, are accurate, a very good doctor has destroyed his career because he chose to believe a bunch of whacked out nut cases.
I have absolutely no use for the current occupant of the White House, but accusations that he is not a citizen, or that his citizenship status makes him disqualified for the office of President; seem to have no basis in fact. Until such time as someone can come up with credible evidence to the contrary, this is the position that all should take, *especially* those who wear our nation’s uniform!
set about 
if you so desire - but why in blazes would you want to use a browser from a company that had to hide behind Janet El Reño's skirt to be successful?