(Hat tip LC Gladiator.)
This just in…
FORT WORTH, TX—In what has become a well-known thought amongst conservatives, has finally been released in a study by medical science. Today, the Declamatory Institute for Advanced Liberal Scientific Studies released its new survey to startling results for many Americans. The main focus of the study was to prove beyond a reasonable doubt that liberals lack any sort of reproductive organs. Even conservative women have long since wondered if liberal men were indeed eunuchs, but now, medical science has emphatically declared, “YES!”
After weeks of intensive study, the Declamatory Institute found that liberal men have no testicles, and little or no penis. The study also confirmed that the lack of any sort of genitalia was proportionately represented by the size and growth of government. At least that’s what the Department Head Of Liberal Genitalia Studies at Hillsdale College Doctor Mai T. Schlong thought.
“What we found,” declared Doctor Schlong, “is that smaller or non-existant genitalia on a liberal male led directly to a more ardent belief in a larger and expanding federal government. In short…liberal men with no penises were using government to give them the feeling that they actually had a penis—something conservative men already know.”
The study found that 99% of all liberal men had tiny penises and no testicles, making them incapable of reproduction. “During this study,” added Dr. Schlong, “I came to the conclusion that liberal women must reproduce asexually. That’s the only explanation for liberals conceiving children. Look at Helen Thomas…she’s the perfect example of asexual reproduction. She’s so ugly that she wears a paper bag when she puts on makeup in the morning.”
Some of the people included in the study were Rep. Barney Frank, Senator Al Franken, Senator John Kerry, David Axelrod, and Robert Gibbs. According to the study, the higher the liberal climbed in government, the smaller the genitalia, and the larger the appetite for an expanding federal government.
“I’ve always known it,” noted Dr. Schlong. “But this study affirms that liberals have no balls. Maybe this would explain Barney Frank. He’s always in need of…well…you know.”
Written by electivedecisions
Hee hee hee…