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“Just because you’re paranoid doesn’t mean they’re not out to get you…”

&#160 &#160 &#160 &#160 &#160 &#160 &#160 &#160 &#160 &#160 -Ancient Chinese proverb

People like to laugh at the John Birch Society and label them a bunch of “kooks”.&#160 Wearers of tinfoil hats, moonbats – pretty much what the Demoscummic Party has become, y’know?&#160 Frankly, I find them to be of far sounder mind than a few Congresscritters I could name, but that’s beside the point right now.

Now here comes a freakin’ moonbat who likes to think he’s somewhat conservative, a Dullest Moaning Snooze&#160 columnist name Steve Blowhard, gonna poke some fun at the Birchers.

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Stop me if you’ve heard this before:&#160 A Demoscum is demanding that President Bush start pulling troops out of Iraq.

Not to be outdone by Dickhead Turban, Diane Whinestein (D-Californication) is insisting that Bush fire Don Rumsfeld and replace him with someone who’ll do their&#160 bidding for a change.

Sen. Dianne Feinstein called on President Bush to fire Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld over his handling of the Iraq war and reduce the number of U.S. troops in Iraq from the current 130,000 to 50,000 by year’s end.

Feinstein, D-Calif., said Monday that Bush should replace Rumsfeld and other senior Pentagon officials with new leaders who will start pulling American troops out of Iraq.

Because obviously, Bush is not in control of his own Cabinet, or even of his own Administration.&#160 It’s clear, y’know, that Cheney or Rummy or Condi is calling the shots at 1600 Pennsylvania.

“I say it’s time to change course, to bring in another team,” Feinstein said during a speech before the Silicon Valley Leadership Group. “We should not be putting American soldiers in the middle of a civil war with targets on their backs.”

GASP!!!&#160 ARRRRRRRGH!!!!&#160 Did you hear that, Denizens?!&#160 Our troops are in a war zone!!!&#160 With targets&#160 painted on their back!!!!!

Oh, the humanity!!!!!

Feinstein has been vilified by many California Democrats for her vote three years ago authorizing Bush to use military force in Iraq and for not calling for a full-scale pullout.

Because as has been made crystal clear, the California Leftards would rather stick their asses in the air and take it up the ass from the Islamofucks.

“We all know we can’t cut and run,” she said. “What I’m talking about is changing the nature of this mission.”

“From one where we’re winning slowly yet surely, to one where we cut and run”.

Stupid bint…


I keep thinking I’m going to wake up, and the nightmare will be over.

I keep thinking that the only bitching I have to do about the Cowgirls during Perfect Football Weekends&#153 next year is how Drew “The Human Statue” Bledsoe has to be replaced, yesterday,&#160 by Tony Romo.

But the nightmare is real, and so is the pain.&#160 Little Terri Owens, He Who Can’t Be Touched Without The NFL Making A Rule Against It&#153, is now a Dallas Cowboy.

From a purely football standpoint, the move makes sense offensively.&#160 With two quality receivers now on each side, teams will no longer be able to stack eight in the box against the run, thus giving Julius Jones & Marion Barber III more room to run.&#160 Nor will teams be able to run double coverage on Glenn, as they did when he lined up opposite Keyshawn Johnson.&#160 Patrick Crayton & James Witten will also benefit from what will almost certainly be looser coverage.

The only question will be whether the Cowboys can protect Bledsoe any better than they did last year.&#160 When they did, the Cowboys were very, very good.

When they didn’t

The other&#160 question surrounding Widdle Terri Owens is how many temper tantrums he throws before Opening Day.&#160 The child (and I do&#160 mean “child”) is, quite frankly, a clubhouse cancer.&#160 He’s split two locker rooms already, and there’s not reason one to suspect he won’t do the exact same thing here.

We can be reasonably certain that Terri will behave himself in 2006.&#160 Whether he does that in ’07 or beyond is anyone’s guess – and the smart money will forever say “no” on that issue.

As for me and how this figures into Perfect Football Weekends&#153 – I haven’t decided.&#160 Do I retain the ‘Boys as one of my PFW teams?&#160 Or do I join the Anti-Cowboy Faction and pull for whomever plays them this year?

I suppose I have time to think it over, but it’s not a decision I relish making.&#160 I’ve lived & died with this franchise for over 30 years now, ever since I noticed that they were there and were worth paying attention to, and it’ll be tough to tell them what they can do with themselves.&#160 (For me, anyway – I fully realize that Owner Jethro (thanks, Gil LeBreton) couldn’t give two shits about what this scribe thinks.)

Tune in come August.&#160 For now – I’ll put the over/under on Owens tantrums at…four.

Let the sport…commence!


The Department of “Well, duhhhhh!!!” chimes in this week with Fox News’ Chris Wallace trying to nail Jello&#169 to the wall – and not getting a whole lot in the way of results…

Repeatedly pressed by “Fox News Sunday” host Chris Wallace to reveal his party’s Iraq war plan, Sen. Dick Durbin’s answer was that Democrats want to bring the troops home as soon as possible.

As Wallace points out (as you will soon see), fuckin’ everybody and their dogs&#160 wanna see the troops come home, Dickhead Turban – so tell me something new, why don’t you?

Admitting, for example, that the right-thinkers in this country want to see our men & women come home after they’ve finished kicking Islamoturd ass up the Arab street and right back down it again – whereas you and your fellow Donktards Murthafucker, al-Qerry, Senator (hic!), Dingy Harry and San Fran Tran Nan just want to cut & run – well, that’d be a good start.

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Denizens, your Daily Dose of Humor&#153 comes courtesy of Loyal Citizen Juandos.&#160 Enjoy.

From 1970-2000

1970: Long Hair.
2000: Longing for hair.

1970: Keg.
2000: EKG.

1970: Acid Rock.
2000: Acid Reflux.

1970: Moving to California because it’s cool.
2000: Moving to California because it’s warm.

1970: Douglas Street bridge.
2000: Dental bridge.

1970: Watching John Glenn’s historic flight with your parents.
2000: Watching John Glenn’s historic flight with your children.

1970: Trying to look like Marlon Brando or Elizabeth Taylor.
2000: Trying NOT to look like Marlon Brando or Elizabeth Taylor.

1970: Seeds and stems.
2000: Roughage.

1970: Our president’s struggle with Fidel.
2000: Our president’s struggle with fidelity.

1970: Paar.
2000: AARP.

1970: Hoping for a BMW.
2000: Hoping for a BM.

1970: The Grateful Dead.
2000: Dr. Kevorkian.

1970: Getting out to a new, hip joint.
2000: Getting a new hip joint.

1970: Rolling Stones.
2000: Kidney stones.

1970: Being called into the principal’s office.
2000: Calling the principal’s office.

1970: Defy the system!
2000: Upgrade the system.

1970: Peace sign.
2000: Mercedes logo.

1970: Parents begging you to cut your hair.
2000: Children begging you to get their heads shaved.

1970: Take acid.
2000: Take antacid.

1970: Passing the driver’s test.
2000: Passing the vision test.

1970: “Whatever”
2000: “Depends”

Should I be disturbed that I’m closer to the latter than the former???


Guys, remember the old saw about the difference between a slut and a whore?&#160 A slut was a woman who slept with everybody, whereas a whore was a woman who slept with everybody but you.

Neither of those definitions applies to the newest member of the “I Wanna Be Like Madonna And Selena” club, Eva Longoria – but to hear her open her skanky piehole, y’just wanna make her wear that lingerie anyway, y’know?

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Denizens, how long have we had to put up with these shit-for-brains Donktards who keep bleating tirelessly (well, for them anyway…I know I&#160 tired of it a helluva long time ago) that there was never any connection between Hussein’s Iraq and Al-Qaqa Al-Qaida, or even between the Taliban and Iraq?

Well, I’ve got three words for those fuckheads:&#160 1.&#160 Game.&#160 2.&#160 Set.&#160 3.&#160 Match.

Among the pre-war documents posted online yesterday by the Pentagon is a letter from a member of Saddam’s intelligence apparatus indicating al-Qaida and the Taliban had a relationship with the regime prior to the 9-11 attacks.

The letter by the member of Saddam’s Al Mukabarat to a superior, dated Sept. 15, 2001, reports a pre-9/11 conversation between an Iraqi intelligence source and a Taliban Afghani consul.

Things that make you go “hmmmmmmmm”.&#160 No link between Iraq & Al-Qaida, huh?

The letter indicated Osama bin Laden and the Taliban in Afghanistan were in contact with Iraq – noting a specific visit to Baghdad – and said the U.S. had proof Saddam’s regime and al-Qaida were cooperating to hit a target in the U.S.

The document said the U.S. was aware of such a relationship and could strike Iraq and Afghanistan if the attacks proved to be tied to bin Laden and the Taliban.

The translated text is as follows:.

In the Name of God the Merciful

Presidency of the Republic

Intelligence Apparatus

To the respectful Mr. M.A.M

Subject: Information

Our source in Afghanistan No 11002 (for information about him see attachment 1) provided us with information that that Afghani Consul Ahmad Dahestani (for information about him see attachment 2) told him the following:

1. That Osama bin Laden and the Taliban in Afghanistan are in contact with Iraq and it that previously a group from Taliban and Osama Bin Laden group visited Iraq.

2. That America has proof that the government of Iraq and Osama bin Laden group have shown cooperation to hit target within America.

3. That in case it is proven the involvement of Osama bin Laden group and the Taliban in these destructive operations it is possible that American will conduct strikes in Iraq and Afghanistan.

4. That the Afghani Consul heard about the subject of Iraq relation with Osama Bin Laden group during his stay in Iran.

5. In light of this we suggest to write to the Commission of the above information.

Please view… Yours… With regards

Signature:……, Initials : A.M.M, 15/9/2001

Foot note: Immediately send to the Chairman of Commission


Oh, sure.&#160 Nothing to see, move along.

Go read the rest.&#160 Then, next time a Demoscum tries to tell you that there was no Iraq – Al-Qaida link, feel free to laugh in their face.


Do not adjust your set.&#160 There is nothing wrong with your monitor.

This is Spatula City BBS!’s annual St. Patrick’s Day transformation.&#160 For one day out of the year, the Realm&#153 turns…well, green…to honor he who drove the snakes out of Ireland.

(Besides, this color scheme is sure to piss Cian “Real Chickenshit” Tierney off. )

Now for some of that green beer-flavored-type beverage…


Buzz me.&#160 I have an assignment for you.



Meryl Yourish reminds us that today is EATAPETA (Eat A Tasty Animal for PETA) day.

To that end, I’ll be at the Hooters in Plano (north of Plano Pkwy on the US 75 frontage road) to celebrate with chili & wings sometime during the traditional lunch hour, or maybe shortly thereafter.

Memo to Denizen and fellow blogger Alan K. Henderson:&#160 If you plan on showing up, lemme know.



It’s that time again, Denizens.&#160 Time for yet another round of pictures of my newest hobby.

A Walther P22, .22 caliber.&#160 For fun and warmup.

A Taurus .357 magnum revolver.&#160 Takes over as the likely choice of carry.

A Hi-Point .40 S&W model JCP.&#160 Probably wouldn’t have gotten it if it’d been over $200.&#160 Does feel good in the hand, though.

Hmmm.&#160 Maybe I should apply for a dealer’s license…


Yes, Denizens – His Rudeness&#153 has been infected by the Cute Overload virus. (sigh)

But this is just too cool to pass up.&#160 This is the same thing Alfie The Big Yellow Lump Masquerading As A Cat&#153 does to Pup-Pup on a nightly basis.

(Yes – spew warnings in effect.)


What was it Voltaire said?&#160 “Power corrupts, and absolute power corrupts absolutely”?

Funny thing about becoming a Soprano Supreme Soprano Court justice – you tend to let it go to your head.&#160 Lifetime appointments to the bench seem to be shortly followed by delusions of grandeur.

Witness, for example, the Mostest Firstest Female-type Bimbo&#153 ever to serve on the Court – Sandy Ditz O’Bint.&#160 Now that she’s off the bench, she’s wasting no time showing us all what a slut of a tyrant-ette she was on&#160 it.

Retired Supreme Court Justice Sandra Day O’Connor has warned that the U.S. is in danger of moving toward “dictatorship” if Republican leaders continue to attack the judiciary for liberal bias.

You mean, Sandy baby, as opposed to the dictatorship you and those other four bastards – Stevens, Souter, Ginsberg and Kennedy – tried to establish while you were there?

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HOUSTON – Denizens, remember the early days of the blog, and the concept of Chick Chasing&#153?

Haven’t chased ’em much since splitting from the Lady&#153, but that’s another post for another time.

One of the previously Chased Chicks&#153 is getting married here today, and I’m an invited guest.

Congratulations, Susana Mayela Valdez.&#160 This King & Tyrant is genuinely happy for you and your betrothed.


Denizens, I can only remember one policy of Ronaldus Magnus’ with which I vehemently disagreed:&#160 The amnesty program for the fucknozzled undocumented workers illegal aliens criminal invaders.

We who opposed the President said at the time that, basically, if you give them an inch, they’ll take a mile.&#160 Well, Reagan did – as has every single president since, in one form or another – and now they want fuckin’ kilometers.

And when we WHO WERE BORN HERE AND ARE HERE LEGALLY,&#160 THANK YOU VERY MUCH so much as utter a peep about it – why, we’re racist scum unfit to share our America with them.

Witness this we-don’-need-no-steenkin’-green-card whinefest in Shit-cago yesterday.

An estimated 100,000 people gathered in downtown Chicago today to protest a bill in the U.S. Congress that would tighten immigration laws.

Police say many streets have been blocked in the city’s central Loop, reports WLS-TV in Chicago.

Damn, what I wouldn’t have given to have been there with a few truckloads of Napalm&#153.

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