Local time where you're at. ("Where you're at"?)

Remember when the Mothergoose gave us a Presidential alternative in the fictional character from ABC’s Boston Legal, Denny Crane?

Well, she’s done it again.

Click here.&#160

We’ll start off this week’s edition of the Perfect Football Weekend&#153 with a WITY&#153 (What’d I Tell You?) of sorts.

Remember a couple weeks ago, I was lambasting the Cowgirls for playing excuse-me football – and I quote:

Instead, once again you’ve played down to the level of the opposition, and lost a game you should have won because of it.&#160 Once again you’ve played your little soft zone like Coach Cupcake wants you to play, and once again little Janie Campbell got to play tea-party with his boyfriends.&#160 Once again you failed to hit&#160 anyone – “Excuse me, Miss Portis, ma’am, may I tackle you now?” – when you could’ve&#160 laid some wood on some people and put the Fear Of Gawd&#153 in them…and once again, it’s cost you dearly.

Well, now I’m getting backed up on my assessment of the C’girls – and from a couple of experts, no less:&#160 Phil Simms & Bill Cowher.

First Simms: “When I watch the Cowboys its like a boxing match. They want to go out there and win a decision by dancing around. Sooner or later you got to punch somebody in the mouth. They don’t punch anybody in the mouth. The first thing I notice about all their games is they are never the aggressor physically and you can’t win in the NFL unless you are.”

Now Cowher: You have to cater your defense to what you have personnel-wise. They have coverage issues. In my mind what they have to do is get some way to create pressure. I know Ware is a good rusher. But at the same time they got to get there quicker. They’ve got to be more disruptive with their front. I look at this team right now and they are trying to play the same way they did when they had everybody healthy. They don’t have everybody healthy. Right now you’ve got to cater that defense to what you have and they aren’t doing that.”

Simms has it bang-on.&#160 This team is soft.&#160 Just like a cupcake.

Just like their head coach.

On to the PFW.&#160 My Arlington Heights Yellow Jackets will go up tonight against the South Hills Scorpions.&#160 Heights always seems to have trouble with the Scorpions, but South Hills had to come from behind last week to beat North Side, so I feel comfortable in predicting a Heights win.

Fourth-ranked Oklahoma will go to Manhattan, Kansas Saturday to roll over take on the K-State Wildcats.&#160 According to ESPN, OU’s Sam Bradford will be going up against K-State’s 93rd-ranked pass defense.

Hell, even UBuffalo’s better than that.&#160 Gimme OU, and you can have as many points as you want ’til they take Sam out of the game.

Fresh off their romp at Iowa State last week, Nebraska will welcome another sacrificial lamb to Lincoln Saturday when Baylor comes to visit.&#160 Like I predicted about SMUT some weeks back, eventually Baylor’s going to make some major Big XII noise.&#160 Just not Saturday.&#160

Late Saturday afternoon, Gary Patterson’s 15th-ranked Texas Christian Horned Frogs – fresh off proving me wrong about Guaranteed Loss Night&#153 ( ) – will get its reward in the form of the Wyoming Cowboys.

Wyoming has scored 62 points.

All year.

I predict that the TCU defense will outscore the Wyoming offense.&#160 Just watch.

And finally, on Sunday the Dallas Creampuffs come back home to get their asses whipped by the Tampa Bay Buccaneers.&#160 Tampa has something St. Louis didn’t:&#160 A bad-assed defense.

And Romo again will not start this week, once more turning over the keys to the offense to Brad “Drew Bledsoe” Johnson.

Arrangements for Johnson’s funeral were incomplete at press time.

UBuffalo is off this week.

We’re back Monday for the recap.&#160 In the meantime, Ill-noise is a 2&#189 favorite at Bucky’s house, and the question for HDD this week is:&#160 do you put money on that?