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It’s preseason…it’s preseason…it’s preseason…gotta keep telling myself…it’s preseason…

at Dallas 9, Oakland 17

at Washington 42, Buffalo 17

Kenny “Lookit me, I’m Marvie’s li’l bro!” Albert and Joey Theeeesman Theismann were absolutely marking out over the Deadskins’ complete domination&#160 over…a Chan Gailey-coached Beefalo Bills team.

Whatever.

—

Yeah, it’s preseason.&#160 Yeah, it’s early in preseason.&#160 Yeah, Romo & the first unit haven’t been out there very long during either game.

That said – it’s not panic time yet, but it soon could be.

Romo drove the first unit right down the field, then the O-line broke down in protection and allowed a couple sacks and the ‘Boys never seriously threatened again.&#160 Buehler was&#160 three-of-three on FGs, though, so that was encouraging.&#160 First team defense dominated again, which is also a positive.&#160 Once the offense wakes up, Dallas should be okay.

But an offensive touchdown every once in a while would&#160 be a nice thing, y’know?

When the PFW returns on Friday, we will laugh our ass off at Kim Kardashian, and celebrate a facelift.

Sorry, Denizens, nothing today.&#160 Between trying to fix the Sibling Unit’s&#153 computer, reacquiring my Dell certifications and cooking dinner for Mrs. Venomous (meat loaf off a recipé from the SpatulaGoddess and homemade Tuna Helper&#169 from scratch), not time to do much of anything today.

KORRIOTH:&#160 So how’d dinner turn out?

VENOMOUS:&#160 Coulda been better, but Mrs. Venomous liked it.

KORRIOTH:&#160 So there’s some left, right…?

VENOMOUS:&#160 Do I not pay you well enough?

MERLIN:&#160 You don’t pay us at all, m’Liege.

VENOMOUS:&#160 I might if you people weren’t just figments of my hyperactive imagination.

OZY MCCOOL:&#160 He’s got us there, Wizard.

MERLIN:&#160 (grunt)

Relax, guys.&#160 Got plenty of stuff here, plus the PFW recap’s tomorrow.&#160 Chillax.

(Hat tip Ace.)

This is damned&#160 good stuff.

Time to break the chains.

Run harder.

It’s a damned shame that the poor ol’ granny in Florida didn’t up and pull the trigger after this waste of skin dropped the gun.

Guy would be an ideal candidate for Darwin.&#160

Denizens, we start this episode of the Perfect Football Weekend&#153 with…waaaait for iiiiit…SCANDAL!!!

ALL:&#160 YAY!!!&#160

Remember after the C’girls stunk up the joint against the ViQueens last year in the playoffs?&#160 Remember Brett Favre’s superfluous touchdown pass at the end of the game, then his rubbing it in on the ‘Boys in the lockerroom subsequent thereto?

MERLIN:&#160 You got majorly pissed off about it, near as I can recall.

Yeah, whatever.&#160 Clip’s below the fold for those of you who need a refresher:

Anyway, looks like ol’ Brett-ina has got his skanky ass caught with “pants on the ground” for real this time.

Jenn Sterger is talking, and what she is saying may show a side of Brett Favre that no one thought existed or wanted to see.

Earlier this week, sources announced that Brett Favre was calling it quits and retiring from the Minnesota Vikings. Many speculated it was because of an injury to his ankle, but it may be something else that is keeping the All-Pro off the field—scandal.

[…]

Jenn Sterger, for those who don’t know her, is currently the host of a sports show called “The Daily Line.” Yet, she may be more famous for being one of Florida State’s most famous fans. After gaining popularity, she landed a job as a sideline reporter for the New York Jets, and that is when she met Brett Favre.

Deadspin.com wrote that after meeting her, Favre left voicemails on her cell phone that Sterger labeled as “creepy.”

This was just the start of things, as Sterger alleges the superstar sent her naked photos of his private parts and one of him masturbating. He continued to do so on more than one occasion as a member of the New York Jets.

Memo to Brettina:&#160 Karma’s a funny little animal, boy.&#160 They call her a bitch – something of which I’m sure Deanna’s about to remind you.&#160

On to the PFW.&#160 The C’boys are in town tonight to play Preseason Game Number Two&#153 against the Oakland Raiders…

VENOMOUS:&#160 …uh, they are&#160 still in Oakland, right?

MERLIN:&#160 Last anyone checked.

…where we will see the starters play maybe a quarter, then the teams will proceed to give the Paying Customers&#153 precisely zero value for their money as the scrubs mop up.

WTF.&#160 It’s still live football.

There are other games this weekend, as well, so I’ll try to recap them as I get a chance to view ’em.

We’re back sometime before Tuesday for the recap.&#160 In the meantime…has anyone heard from HDD?

Those of you who aren’t&#160 the Uninitiated&#153 probably already know of this story, where Big Government&#153 descends upon a 7-year-old and her first lemonade stand and demanded tribute of $120 for her to keep operating said stand in what has to be the most offensive shakedown since…well, since Bambi extorted twenty extra-extra-extra-large a couple of months ago from BP.

Turns out that kids’ lemonade stands — those constants of summertime — are supposed to get a permit in Oregon, particularly at big events that happen to be patrolled regularly by county health inspectors.

“I understand the reason behind what they’re doing and it’s a neighborhood event, and they’re trying to generate revenue,” said Jon Kawaguchi, environmental health supervisor for the Multnomah County Health Department. “But we still need to put the public’s health first.”

That is just so.&#160 Much.&#160 Bullshit.

Yeah, the law&#160 in Sorry-gun may technically&#160 state that all food vendors have to be licensed, but this is a kid’s lemonade stand, for Cthulu’s sake.&#160 Hell – it wasn’t even real&#160 lemonade – just some bottled water & packets of Kool-Aid&#169.&#160 At $.50 a 4-ounce cup, for crying out loud.

After 20 minutes, a “lady with a clipboard” came over and asked for their license. When Fife explained they didn’t have one, the woman told them they would need to leave or possibly face a $500 fine.

At which point, I think I’d’ve gotten nose-to-beak with that Cupid Stunt&#153 and informed her that she was leaving – either voluntarily or by force.

Surprised, Fife started to pack up. The people staffing the booths next to them encouraged the two to stay, telling them the inspectors had no right to kick them out of the neighborhood gathering. They also suggested that they give away the lemonade and accept donations instead and one of them made an announcement to the crowd to support the lemonade stand.

That’s when business really picked up — and two inspectors came back, Fife said. Julie started crying, while her mother packed up and others confronted the inspectors. “It was a very big scene,” Fife said.

And I’d have done the same with these two bastards.&#160 With The Insurance Policy&#153 in my hand.

To others, this may just be an isolated incident involving an overzealous flock of gummint buzzards.&#160 To me, it’s a portend of things to come – at least, economically speaking.

The US economy is about to collapse.&#160 All the signs are there – continued high unemployment (the “jobless recovery”), stagnant economic growth (2.4 percent?&#160 Seriously?!) and a major tax increase looming over the horizon (January 1, 2011, when the Bush tax cuts are set to expire).

If steps are not taken between now and 12/31/10 to boost the private sector – and note that I didn’t&#160 say “boost the economy”; Bambi can crow all he wants about the 250,000 jobs he’s created, but they’re all in the public sector, not on Main St. – if a tax rate hike hits in the middle of such an economy, another recession will result (the “double-dip” recession we’ve all been warned about), and the United States will have a very difficult time surviving it.

At that juncture (and this is my point), the underground economy that’s already out there will gain strength – and Al-Obambi will do its dead-level best to crack down on it.

Don’t believe me?&#160 When was the last time Donks openly talked about not raising taxes when nothing was standing in their way over it?

Bottom line, Denizens:&#160 Lock & load.&#160 They’re coming…and as Jefferson said, resistance to tyrants is obedience to God.

Okay folks, my blood pressure is WAAAAY up after reading this one, and the RCOB is on the verge of exploding.  AAMOF, just get me the Sam’s Club size of duct tape cause my head is 3 seconds from exploding.

BLLLLLLLLLLLLLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMMMMMMMMMM

Too late….

RCOB™ warnings if you dare to read this, which you really should because the shit bags in D.C. have even invaded the US Park Police.

“The area they were standing in and singing is an area that is restricted for this type of activity,” said Sgt. David Schlosser. “The United States Park Police is absolutely content-neutral when it comes to any sort of demonstrations in these areas.”

So that pesky little CONSTITUTIONAL RIGHT of FREEDOM OF ASSEMBLY or hell, FREEDOM OF SPEECH, is outlawed on the steps of the Lincoln Memorial??????  WTF are you dirtbags gonna do in 18 days when there’s likely to be ohhh gee, a MILLION or SO people doing the same damn thing?????  FYI, if you’re not sure what I’m referring to you might want to visit this site.

“It’s not the content of their activity – that being the national anthem – it’s the location,” he said. “A couple steps and it would have been no problem whatsoever.”

Hey douchebag, they were singing the NATIONAL ANTHEM OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA.  Ya know, the country you’re LIVING IN!

Schlosser explained that performances, regardless of content, are banned to “maintain a contemplative and reverent area for the Lincoln Memorial, for the other guests and visitors.”

Once again I say, IT’S THE NATIONAL ANTHEM OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA.  I don’t there’s much more of a song that could be more contemplative and reverent given the locale!!!  Except maybe “God Bless America”.  I’d love to see how that one would have gone over….then again, I’m sure it’s planned for the rally.

Folks, it’s this sort of horseshit that is all due to the fact that we’re letting our FREEDOMS and our LIBERTIES be eaten away by Congress, by activist judges at all levels, and by a White (bet that really chaps Al-Obambi’s illegal citizenship black ass to say that, ya think?) House that is hell-bent on “fundamentally transforming” this country into a Marxist progressive Soviet commune.

Over my dead body they will!  This shit has got to stop, and November can’t get here soon enough.

Stay tuned™

Couldn’t someone just once&#160 have knocked the shit out of Jordan Shitty Shipley?&#160 Especially during that punt return?

Dallas 16, Cincinnati 7

It was the expected yawnfest.&#160 Both Tony Romo & Carson Palmer played very little, and it was basically a game of who had the better scrubs.&#160 Those of the C’boys outlasted those of the B’gals – and I say “outlasted” because who knows what would have happened had the game gone an extra five minutes.

The red-zone offense still needs mondo work.&#160 And Jason Garrett needs to remember how the old C’boys did things once they got inside the five.&#160 IOW, you don’t pass three straight times, if at all.&#160 This is supposed to be a better line than last year’s edition, and one of the best Dallas lines all-time – shove it up the defense’s ass.&#160 C’mon, Jason, use that Princeton-educated brain of yours and get a clue.

Defensively, the secondary is still a work in progress, and had Cincy’s first unit gotten to stay in there a little longer…well…

David Buehler is not the answer at kicker.&#160 I’m gonna go out on a limb and state that right now.&#160 He hit three – from in close – and missed one.&#160 But the one wasn’t anywhere within the same zip code of the goalposts.

I’d be more comfortable with TCU’s Ross Evans out there – and y’all kinda know my opinion on that.

A pick-six by a linebacker who might be a candidate for the taxi squad practice squad accounted for the rest of Dallas’ points. And the aforementioned T-sip pansy-ass, Shipley (the third-year man now with his second pro team, IMO), took a punt at the end of the game and ran it back to the 2, setting up Cincy’s only TD.&#160 I can’t wait ’til the first time Troy Polamalu draws a bead.&#160 So help me Cthulu, I’m gonna post the video on that.

First-round All-Diva team candidate Dez Bryant has a bum ankle and won’t play this preseason, so it’ll be tough to coronate him as The Answer To Everything&#153 until at least the NY Football Douchebags game.&#160 Defensive end Marcus Spears is also out with a bad wheel at the moment.

Third tight end John Phillips tweaked his knee suffered a likely torn ACL and could miss the year.&#160 That would hurt – he’s been tons more reliable than Martellus Bennett (who’s also injured right now).&#160 Potential WR/KR Titus Ryan broke his thumb in the game, as well.&#160 Other than that, the ‘Boys came out relatively healthy.

They’ll need to be, because the next game is here Thursday against “Da Raaaaaiduhhhhhhs” of Oakland.&#160 Which is when the PFW will return.

Honk if you’ve seen this Hummer!

Gotta love it!!!

You really didn’t think we were going to have an entire year of Perfect Football Weekends&#153 without talking about Widdle Terri Owens, did you?

He takes part in the first football game of the new season Sunday night against Our Heroes&#153, aka the Dallas C’boys – and…well…when talking to him, one can expect to wind up talking about&#160 him, as this wire report did:

The 36-year-old also thinks he got a bum rap in his previous stints, which included the Cowboys.

When asked by bengals.com about the biggest myth about him, Owens said: “I’m a cancer in the locker room. That I’m a distraction. How am I distraction that if over the years you take an incident and someone blows it out of proportion and it’s not nearly as bad as it’s supposed to be? Then of course I’m going to look bad. Over the years there have been some small incidents that have been blown straight out of proportion.

Oh, so that little dust-up with Donovan McNabb was “blown out of proportion”, was it?&#160 You’re saying the fact that Philly suspended your ass was a molehill turned into a mountain?

And the fact that “your quarterback”, Tony Romo, was suddenly playing favorites with Jason Witten, according to you, the very next year?&#160 So that was blown “out of proportion”, as well?

And do I even need&#160 to go into your stay in San Transexual?

No, Widdle Terri.&#160 You’re a fucking locker room cancer, and while it was only marginally tolerable when passes weren’t&#160 clanking off your hands here, your tired act soon fell into the “real old, real fast” category.&#160 It’s no coincidence that Dallas’ production – not to mention its win total – went up again once you were gone.

Something Buffalo found out last year, and that Cincinnati will painfully discover this year.&#160 You’re just not good enough to justify drawing an NFL paycheck any longer.

On to the PFW.&#160 One game this weekend – the aforementioned Hall of Fame Game tomorrow evening between the aforementioned C’boys and the aforementioned Cincy Bengals, featuring the aforementioned Widdle Terri Owens.

It’s Game One on a loooooong NFL schedule, meaning starters will play a handful of plays, then mostly sit while subs compete for spots on rosters.

Would be called a yawnfest most of the time – but it’s live football, dammit, and it’s been too long in coming, so I’m gonna enjoy it.

We’re back Monday for something resembling a recap.&#160 Exhibition games don’t count in over PFW results, as usual, but it’ll be fun to be talking about football again, so what the hell.

The Vicar has been told that on Sunday evening he may not watch his TV shows. It seems that his better half has this irrational addiction to some sort of game in which 22 guys fight over a pigskin bladder. Apparently something called the NFL Pre-season begins this week.

I ask you what is more important, watching a bunch of guys fight over a ball, or watching some “real men”(and one woman) wrestle big rigs up the Dalton to Prudhoe Bay?

🙂

This issue has been out there for a while, but I still get riled up at the thought that some treasonous piece of scatological material get away with wanton violation of military classification rules. I get the idea that this site was founded by someone other than an American citizen, and I strongly suspect that the site is hosted outside the USA.

In my opinion, this latest dump of classifies documents constitutes an act of war, and our government should say exactly that to whatever nation is hosting the site.

Is this strong?, Am I being “over the top”?

Perhaps, but the illegal release of classified documents, especially classified military documents places our fighting men and women at increased risk. I don’t really think I am going too far.

Well, just another reason for that place to fall off into the Pacific Ocean.  The nice thing is that maybe all the enviroweenies would fall in the ocean too!

We can hope right?

Read more here, if you really want to. 

All I can say is, if you are a conservative GET OUT OF THE STATE NOW!!!!  Because God’s wrath IS COMING!!

Doug Ross’ wonderful artistic interpretation of Widdle Toni Weenie’s hissy-fit aside…it’s probably a good thing I’m not in the Imperial Socialist Congress&#153.

Had Toni Weenie (D-Romper Room) been screaming at me&#160 like that, it wouldn’t have been just saliva&#160 he was spitting forth.

If you know what I mean.

(Hat tip LC Gladiator.)

This just in…

FORT WORTH, TX—In what has become a well-known thought amongst conservatives, has finally been released in a study by medical science. Today, the Declamatory Institute for Advanced Liberal Scientific Studies released its new survey to startling results for many Americans. The main focus of the study was to prove beyond a reasonable doubt that liberals lack any sort of reproductive organs. Even conservative women have long since wondered if liberal men were indeed eunuchs, but now, medical science has emphatically declared, “YES!”

After weeks of intensive study, the Declamatory Institute found that liberal men have no testicles, and little or no penis. The study also confirmed that the lack of any sort of genitalia was proportionately represented by the size and growth of government. At least that’s what the Department Head Of Liberal Genitalia Studies at Hillsdale College Doctor Mai T. Schlong thought.

“What we found,” declared Doctor Schlong, “is that smaller or non-existant genitalia on a liberal male led directly to a more ardent belief in a larger and expanding federal government. In short…liberal men with no penises were using government to give them the feeling that they actually had a penis—something conservative men already know.”

The study found that 99% of all liberal men had tiny penises and no testicles, making them incapable of reproduction. “During this study,” added Dr. Schlong, “I came to the conclusion that liberal women must reproduce asexually. That’s the only explanation for liberals conceiving children. Look at Helen Thomas…she’s the perfect example of asexual reproduction. She’s so ugly that she wears a paper bag when she puts on makeup in the morning.”

Some of the people included in the study were Rep. Barney Frank, Senator Al Franken, Senator John Kerry, David Axelrod, and Robert Gibbs. According to the study, the higher the liberal climbed in government, the smaller the genitalia, and the larger the appetite for an expanding federal government.

“I’ve always known it,” noted Dr. Schlong. “But this study affirms that liberals have no balls. Maybe this would explain Barney Frank. He’s always in need of…well…you know.”

Written by electivedecisions

Hee hee hee…&#160